I am a 19 F and these are a few incidents that have triggered me and made me feel like I don’t belong to myself.
1. Moved out for clg (financially backed by my parents). Wanted to continue swimming. Informed dad abt a swim class and how I wanna continue swimming. He refused and said that since he pays for me all my time and decisions belong to him when I told him "I’m my own individual and I’m free to spend time doing whatever I want".
2. Dad forcing me to go and meet relatives that live in the city I moved to. I didn’t mind doing it in the beginning. But I realised my relatives are toxic as fuck and controlling too. They’ll say sweet things to your face and back buthc about you later. I opened up to them abt my mental health and how I’m taking therapy assuming they are family and hence safe enough to talk about stuff like this. They later kept telling a cousin of mine to avoid interacting with me since I’m mental. Also they make me do chores (washing dishes and clothes, cleaning toilets, etc) when I do visit them. Also they talk negative about my mom to my face and it makes me feel disgusting. My grandparents even had the audacity to choose the colour of the flat that I was moving into. They even demanded that I give them a set of my keys to the flat (flat belongs to my parents). Also my dad kept forcing me to visit my grandparents on MY birthday for blessings and shit, I told him "you do not need to worry I have enough blessings inside me to bless myself". My relatives and dad even emotionally blackmailed me to withdraw my admission from a clg in another state and that is why I’m stuck here in this mess. I felt so vulnerable and violated when all this stuff happened.
Ofc I don’t want to visit my grandparents or any of my relatives. Who in my place would. I don’t want to give them a single piece of information abt my current life. It feels threatening to even interact with them. My dad still keeps insisting me to visit them whenever I have a holiday or when it’s a Sunday. I refuse to do it.
Edit : Thanks for the replies guys. I didn’t realise I was an entitled brat until y’all pointed it out and I feel very guilty for my actions or the lack of them. I’mma make changes to my behaviour and learn to follow my parents until I become financially independent.
Wanting to swim, not visiting toxic relatives, having boundaries around your mental health none of that is “disobedience.” It’s basic self-respect.
YTA for point 1 you sound entitled you moved out and you are an adult pay for swim classes yourself.
NTA for point 2 they sound like A.H.
OP say they weren’t going to pay for the class, dude
“Wanted to continue swimming. Informed dad abt a swim class and how I wanna continue swimming. He refused and said that since he pays for me all my time and decisions belong to him.”
That reads like she wanted her dad to pay for swim classes and he said no.
Or it could be that OP told dad about a class they had heard about and dad said no regardless of if OP would pay because dad is supporting them in other things, which tracks with *literally everything else*, including the end of that with “all my time and decisions belong to him.”
Like, the whole thing reads like who pays is irrelevant to dad. OP is an object to him, a doll, not a person
I don’t really follow what you are saying it reads like she asked Dad to pay and he said no. He pays for her all the time so the decision is his is what she wrote.
It doesn’t read like she did though. You’re following, you’re just softly obtuse. Like, how do you not follow basic English clearly laid out.
That’s not what she wrote. She wrote that because he pays for her at all, he gets to decide how she spends her time, which is false and would not even be true if she were a minor. It’s clear he thinks he gets to decide every little thing because he pays for any fraction of her life, regardless of if she pays, it’s free, etc. “All my time and decisions belong to him” so when she studies, what she studies, if and when she works/dates. No
Kinda seems like you’re not telling the whole story. And that you’re more than fine living off your parents’ dime while also not respecting them?
A bit hard to judge given what feels very 1-sided, but I have to say the way you write reeks a bit of entitlement.
I’m leaning towards YTA.
Nah, I’m sorry. You can respect your parents and not agree with them or think they’re toxic, which dad and family absolutely are. They also were manipulated to go to this school, or did you miss that tidbit.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life
NTA.
You need to get a secret job, move to a new place, and see if you can transfer schools
I’m confused, he pays for everything like your his kid and then he treats you like his kid…. Where’s the disconnect?