My mom has several mental health conditions, including bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. She stopped taking her anxiety meds because they made her manic, and now she copes by playing online games all day.
She stays upstairs almost constantly, talking to online friends, barely showers, and rarely spends time with us. My dad works night shifts and sleeps during the day, so most of the responsibility for my younger siblings falls on me and my brother. We feed them, clean, break up fights, and take care of them, which gets extremely stressful.
I asked my mom if she could at least spend some time with us downstairs, but she refused, saying not playing games makes her anxious. When we try to talk to her, she brushes us off. My dad even tried taking away the Xbox (which he owns), and she had a full breakdown.
I got really frustrated because her being online all day has forced me to give up things in my own life. She says I’m wrong for wanting her to step back from “the only good thing in her life right now.”
AITA?
EDIT: For additional context, other than my father, most of my immediate family struggles with mental illness or disorders. My father works a lot to financially support us, but he still helps around the house when he can and regularly tries to encourage my mother to be more involved.
He and my mother often sit down to talk things through, but those conversations usually turn into arguments. He had her hospitalized around 2020 during a manic episode and continues to manage getting her medication. He also has heart problems of his own, which adds additional stress to the situation.
Nta but what is your father /other family doing to get her the mental health support and intervention she needs? None of this sounds like a safe or good environment for anyone.
I mean, she has meds so she’s at least been to the doctor. If he’s working nights and has to sleep during the day and is, presumably, the some breadwinner, I’m going to assume that he’s at the end of his rope trying to police his wife (who had a breakdown after he took the xbox away), raise the kids as best he can, work, sleep, and pay the bills. I feel like this is one of those shitty situations where the mom is broken and there isn’t much anyone can do
NTA
It sounds like you yourself area child and should not be put in that position.
Your father is the real problem here for not getting her to proper care, your mom is obviously sick and that is not her fault, it sounds like she is addicted to these games and using them as a fantasy world getaway to avoid real life.
This is no way to live for either of you, do you have any other adults in your life like aunts/uncles/grandparents you can call up on for them to get your mom some proper care because it sounds like your father is useless .
NTA. Your mother is in deep addiction as well as severe anxiety and depression, and as a result is heavily parentifying you. Unfortunately unless you can somehow convince her to get treatment, there’s not much for you to do. Talk to dad about taking severe measures, she may need a rehab facility.
It sounds like your mom needs some kind of help. Medicine, maybe. Talk to your dad about getting her help. If he won’t, call CPS. Be sure before you do.
NTA- your dad needs to figure out how to get the support your family so desperately needs. Especially for your mom. If she was rocking one or two diagnoses, I would say something about getting her ass off the couch. But 4 is a lot. And the rest of her life is going to be a balancing act of medication and activities to keep her slightly stable.
I’m so sorry, my heart breaks for you. And I would be beyond frustrated. I would be so angry.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to set yourself up to start your own life. Stop putting off doing things you want. Tell your dad that your future shouldn’t be completely derailed because your mom is unable to function. And pick one thing to start with that you want to do for yourself. Your brother should pick one thing as well. Your dad needs to find coverage for those things so you can be kids.
Also- it doesn’t matter if you are from a culture where you are expected to care for your family or not. You can only really help if your own bases are covered: if you have the education and means to grow up healthy (physically and mentally) and get a well paying job. Same for your brother.
Good luck.
NTA. Your mom has rejected what will actually help her. Bide time, move out and I hope you go to trade school or college.
She’ll be womdering why her kids “abandoned her” but not taking charge of her mental health will not make me want to stay around
At some point your dad should have gotten a vasectomy. How many sibling are you looking after, this is so hard. Your mom needs to get back on her meds clearly, if not maybe a talk with child services
NTA but there is so little control you have over this situation.
NTA “Not playing video games gives her anxiety” like hunny, that’s straight up addiction. She is neglecting her children and herself because of a video game addiction. If her mental state is so bad that she is not able to care for her children that is grounds for CPS to get involved. Also “the only good thing in her life right now” as if she doesn’t have children and a husband???? I’m sorry, I feel absolutely horrible for you and your siblings.
You know what else helps your anxiety? Being a good mom and involved parent.
NTA – you got delt a bad hand in life, kid. Make sure to get a good education and when you’re an adult, move out and get away from this environment. Try to build a life you are proud of. I’m sorry for your struggle