I’m a 30F. My dad and I were never very close, we love each other, but he wasn’t the affectionate, involved type of father, so I accepted him as he was and appreciated the small moments he gave me. He was always a hard worker, never drank, never broke the law, but his luck was terrible. As a salesman, he jumped between companies, he was kind to his clients, but his bosses often screwed him over, withholding pay, or promising commissions he rarely received.
Growing up, I watched him juggle loans from multiple banks, he even asked my grandma to take a loan for him to renovate his house and sort his finances. I hated seeing this. When I was 12, I swore I’d never take a loan myself, even if it meant living under a bridge.
At his last job, his boss (another shady mf) pushed him to go independent, so the company wouldn’t have to pay after him. Dad had to handle taxes himself, but kept falling behind, because payments were still unfair. Years later, he got a massive tax demand from the government, he had to pay or he would lose his house.
When the letter arrived, he turned to me first, and I felt broken. He asked me to take out a loan to cover the huge amount, promising he’d handle the payments so I wouldn’t have to worry. He knew how strongly I opposed debt, yet he asked anyway. I felt disappointed that he’d put his daughter in this position, but I also pitied him and worried I’d seem heartless if I said no. So I agreed.
For a year, he kept his word, paying as we agreed, but then he had a stroke and could no longer work. Suddenly, I was stuck with the full monthly payments, for money I’d never even seen. Of course I was happy he survived, but the bitterness was still there.
A year later, a second stroke left him worse off, luckily he was saved by the doctors. Now, my finances are tight for years to come, no extras, no treats, just ensuring the loan gets paid. I’m struggling and resentful, and the questions are always in my head, like wasn’t there another option? A friend or anyone else? How could he do that to his own daughter? I could never do this to my own child.
I still love and pity him, and I help him with everything he needs, but I’m disappointed and bitter. So yeah, AITA?
Doing this to a friend or anyone else would ‘ve been better???
You’re not the AH for having feelings. You haven’t done anything to him. I strongly recommend therapy to work through your emotions.
I completely agree. I’d add that OP should see a lawyer to discuss her rights and responsibilities. Is she to inherit the house (or any substantial assets that might offset the monies paid) should her father not survive another medical emergency?
NAH
Are you an asshole for being upset and resentful ? You’re not, you are stuck paying back money that isn’t yours and your finances are tight because of it.
I wouldn’t call your father an asshole either, he didn’t betray you and kept his word. He payed you back until he couldn’t anymore, it’s unfortunate but he couldn’t predict his health would decline. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
I hate to sound callous, but you made this bed. You’re allowed to be resentful at having been manipulated into this situation and bitter at the circumstances, but ultimately all that was your choice and etirely foreseeable given your Dad’s track record. Here’s hoping he has taken out some life insurance in your name… NAH.
YTA, you needed to say no, but instead, you caved and gave in. As harsh as it is, you did this to yourself. Part of getting a loan for your dad is knowing that S\*\*\* may happen and you would be responsible for the loan since it is under your name. And ultimately, that is what happened.
I am real sorry you have to endure this.
It is hard for you to expect any payments. Does he have collateral (car, jewelry, anything you can sell)?
Time will tell but for him to be sick does not help you in any way.
Money and family don’t mix. Been there done that but I was lucky I got it back. Needless to say that we don’t see him anymore.
You mentioned he needed money to renovate his house. Has he sold it yet? Because that is the next step he needs to take. You need to be looling out for your future at this point in your life. Build a pension pot, buy your own house, build savings for your child. Not pay someone elses loans back. You will need to pish this harder, and I get why you don’t want to, but that will just screw up your entire life otherwise.
Ummmmmm, the house? It was saved? Because you took out the loan and paid his tax bill so he didn’t have to lose the house?
Well then. Surely you’re due some recompense in the form of house ownership. Or part ownership at least.
Info, how much are we talking?
Life insurance
Also, NTA
It’s unfortunate that your dad’s health has declined and he can no longer work/pay, however, it’s not like he knew this would happen. If you take out a loan and let someone else use the funds you should have a plan in place of what you’ll do if they can no longer pay for any reason. Which is why I’m saying YTA to yourself. You should have told him no.