For the past year and half my friend has been in a rough relationship (based on what she’s told me) they moved in not even 30 days of meeting and since then she’s claimed he’s bad with money, incredibly selfish and in her terms the worst person she’s ever been with. She announced her pregnancy a couple months ago and while I hoped the calls and texts about this man would stop, they didn’t. She’s been incredibly sick and hasn’t been there for her like he should. Would rather go out with friends or himself than be home to care for her. They had an ultrasound appointment on his birthday and he got upset saying he didn’t want to do that for his birthday. Well yesterday after she told me that she asked him to go to the grocery store and didn’t I snapped and said both of them are being incredibly selfish and irresponsible bringing a baby into a relationship so rocky. She got mad at me and called me a bad mom, a selfish person and that she feels bad for my fiancées autistic sister because of how selfish I am. I’m not. I absolutely love and care for his sister and her claim of me being a bad mom is because for the month of January I’ve been sick and my child is with his grandparents and aunts till I get better. It wasn’t an easy decision and I cry and hug his clothes everyday I don’t have him. I just need to know. AITA?
NTA – Just distance yourself from that friend from now on. You don’t have to prove yourself to her as she herself don’t recognize bad choices.
There’s a baby in the picture now and that’s why I snapped. Cause she can make all the mistakes she wants it’s fine, but involve a child into your mess? I believe is irresponsible and selfish.
Yes, she is really irresponsible but that is her choice. We can’t control everything for her. If you can distance yourself now, it will rest you from stresses that you don’t deserve. If the baby comes out, you can check in with her, make sure everything is ok.
NTA just get rid of her from you life, sounds like you’ve got a fair bit on and don’t need two irresponsible assholes giving you headaches
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NTA. As someone who’s been in a rough relationship as you described, it is tiring to be around someone who constantly complains about it to the degree that you are describing, and then defends him and attacks you. Trust me, I acted the same way she did during that part of my life, and I WISH I had a friend like you at the time who would’ve snapped at me the way you did. I would not blame you if you needed to leave. I agree with you that bringing a baby into this relationship is not a good idea, and I hope one day she is able to see that the man she is with is not the one.
You have a choice here. You can stay with her, and continue to support her as much as you can, or you distance yourself and eventually cut her off completely if it becomes too draining. Both are completely valid
I am also terribly sorry about your situation. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you sick with?
Well while I was worried about her being sick, I’ve also felt the same symptoms while dealing with the flu and then a cold. And I decided to take a pregnancy test and found out last night I am pregnant. I have an appointment tomorrow and after I plan on picking up my child and finally reuniting with him after these past few days.
Not technically an AH, but you don’t need to say all of that. I would have said little- to ensure she has a safe place when it hits the fan. She doesn’t NEED your anger or judgement. She’s already in Schitts Creek. Eventually she’s gonna need a life preserver. Me
Personally- I’d rather know I was at least close enough to toss her one.
That’s where I believe I was out of line. She’s already down it felt like I kicked her further. She didn’t need that.
NTA. Her partner sounds like the biggest AH here. “Nah I don’t feel like going to the ultrasound of my child for my birthday” … wild that she called you selfish back, when this is what she lives with every day.
NTA
I suggest you stop being her friend, or you try get her help. Also that definitely was a selfish choice that she made by having a child, I absolutely HATE when a couple have a child to try repair their relationship or they have a child when their relationship is bad.
ESH. You both reacted rather than responding. It sounds like your friend could be in a domestic violence relationship, with or without the physical violence. Those relationships can be very tough to leave. It’s exceptionally easy to blame the victim (I’ve been guilty of it myself), and it often leads them to double down on the relationship. If she’s not showing any sign of wanting to leave this relationship, then I’d distance myself awhile, if not indefinitely.