So I (nonbinary but AMAB 25) and my partner (F27) have been seeing each other since halloween of last year. We met at a Halloween party where she came up to me because I was dressed up as Gerard Way, the lead singer of My Chemical Romance. We hit it off quickly because we had a shared taste of music, and started going on dates that week. We have gone to shows together and music is important to me with MCR being my favorite band.
I am graduating Law School in May and to sorta celebrate I thought it might be fun to go see MCR at a nearby festival in my region. The festival is two days before my graduation so I didn’t know until like this week that the timing would work for me to go. I tell my partner about it and they initially say no due to it being too expensive. A bunch of their other favorite bands like Flyleaf and PtV are playing also. Flyleaf is probably her favorite band. I accept the no and say, there isn’t a rush just like think about it and let me know if you change your mind. I start to plan going without her which is something i’m totally cool with as I have gone to shows by myself before.
Fast forward a couple days and she starts to text me questions about the festival. She also asks how I am getting there and what the hotel situation is like in the area. I share and such. She then reveals that she had asked one of her friends to go with her. I did not really have any issue with this. She then talks about how her and her friend are going and going to share a hotel room alone. I tell her that I think her responses are a little weird and that I feel like I am being excluded. She apologizes and then says that if I’m going I could carpool with them to the city where the festival is. I express I am upset because I feel like I am being excluded from a plan that was my own. She would not know about this festival if it wasn’t for me, not to be gatekeepy or anything but like I was the one who pitched it as a plan and it showed I meant a lot to offer her to do such a special event with me. She says sorry that I feel excluded, she then worded that she thinks it would be fun for her to make it a friends trip for her and her friend. I just feel weird about the situation because I feel like I am being uninvited from a plan I brought up.
What should I do in this situation? Am I overacting?
NTA, this feels weird. Maybe the friend offered to pay for your girlfriend and she wants to go but doesn’t want to ask them to pay for you? And doesn’t want to ditch the person that paid? So odd
i offered to help pay for her ticket when i first pitched it. i have never met this friend, which i honestly feel like i have met most of her close friends. this isn’t a friend she sees a ton. so i am not sure if the friend even had any input on the matter or not idk
INFO: did you make it clear that you wanted to go together when you originally asked, or was it more of a casual “hey, MCR and some other cool bands are gonna be at this festival. Wouldn’t that be awesome?!” which could’ve been misconstrued that it wasn’t an actual invitation/plan?
i made it clear and she said i should go regardless as it seems like a perfect way to celebrate my graduation
In that case NTA. That’s a shitty thing for your gf to do, especially considering that it would be a great grad celebration! Why would she want to ignore that and spend it with someone else after “letting you carpool” at best? Does she really like you? I’m sorry, I’d be hurt too.
i mean after i said i felt excluded she did go “we could meet up at somepoint at the festival” so i probably should have included that but like i was already sorta set in my feelings
NTA. You wanted to do something with her to celebrate a big moment for you. I could see her not wanting to go or not having the means to go, but her behavior just says “I wanna go, just now with you” to me
NTA
But it sounds like you might be back on the market soon.
INFO
Are you sure you’re still together?
Sounds like she doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about her. Is her friend a guy or a girl?
You can feel however you feel, fact is she doesn’t want to go with you and would prefer to go with a friend.
Odds are you’re not going still be together by the time of the festival, you just don’t know it yet. She’s probably trying to save some serious awkwardness later.
Best thing you can do is find someone who DOES want to go with you and go. Have a great time.
NTA