I (17m) live with my mom, aunt, granny, 3 cousins and my sister in law. We have always lived together.
Today was SAT prep at school, I stayed home because I have an autoimmune disease that causes pain in my joints and the way the school did it would’ve required me to be up and down, and I could do the SAT prep at home. My mom agreed to it, since I have good grades and needed to clean my room. 2 days ago, I also started rearranging my room.
For context, my room is not a real room; it’s a dining room we slapped 2 Amazon fake doors on to give me privacy. I have a “closet” but it’s the entry way closet. My mother got me a clothes rack because I got tired of walking to my closet.
Yesterday, my aunt scolded me for trying to hang up a bedsheet to cover up my bunk bed more from the door. Because “she bought the bedsheets and that wasent its intended purpose.”
Today, my mom and aunt were gonna go in the car and go Pokémon go-ing. My mother said I could come. When I tried to follow them, my aunt said I stayed home to clean and do SAT prep, so I can’t go, but I could go later.
It bothered me. It’s been days of her nagging me and harping on me over little things. Trying to use my “closet” to store spare items even tho i “said I didn’t need it” (I didn’t say that, I said I didn’t want to put clothes in it.)
I got sad. I texted my mother asking what I did wrong and why my aunt dosent like me. I haven’t done anything wrong, and then I explaining what she had been harping on me about for days.
I went to my mom’s room when they got back, and my aunt came to the room and started arguing again, saying I needed to act like an adult and that I’m still just a kid (HUH?) and brought up the bedsheet. I said “but the recliner and the couch ARNT made to be slept on, but you sleep on it.” To try and make the point that it dosent matter that the bedsheet wasent made to be hung up.
That set her off. She got mad and now she wants me and my mom out of the house (everybody adult pays bills here) by may 1st, she wants my sister and I to share a room, so her son can have his own room (her and my little cousin sleep on the couch. We have a 4 bedroom house. I have the dining room, my mom, 16F cousin, 20M cousin and 20F sister share a room, and my granny has her own room.)
She claimed I tried to hurt her by saying the previous thing about the couch, but they wasn’t my intention. I didn’t even think about why they slept on the couch, I just wanted her to stop being angry. She’s an alcoholic, I’ve spent years trying to be good for her so she would stop yelling and being unfair to me. She’s been to a mental institution before and has been physical to my cousins.
Edit: I wasent clear on this, but my aunts threat to get us out of the house was she would report the illegal animals we have. My elderly chihuahua and cat are on the lease. However my cousins pitbull, aunts mutt, cousins cat, my snake and gecko, and the family cat (cat my aunt brought home nobody asked for) are not.
AITA for saying the couch wasent made to be slept on?
Nta your situation is heartbreaking. You don’t even get your own goddamn room. Isn’t that not allowed here? Like, you need so many rooms if you have kids? Your mom is not being a responsible mother.
When you’re poor it doesn’t matter what’s “allowed”.
What do you suggest they do? If you don’t have the money for a place that has a room for everyone then you don’t have the money. Some people also sleep on the streets and in shelters. Where do you get off talking about what is “allowed?!” For many people there is simply reality.
im a little confused. does your aunt own the house?
Not really. My mom, aunt and granny’s names are on the lease. I’m unsure of bill arrangement besides the fact my mom lays electricity, my aunt pays water and they’re relatively equal.
Edit: forgot to add. Her threat was if we don’t, she’ll call the landlords and tell them of our illegal animals (only supposed to have 1 dog and 1 cat, which are both mine, but we have 2 extra dogs (her dog, my cousins dog, a cat, that she brought home but says he’s mine, and a snake and gargoyle gecko that are mine))
NTA. Pretty sure the angry alcoholic is the issue here.
NTA move out as soon as you are 18. Look for a room for rent, a dorm, a studio apartment. Get the heck away from this toxicity. Your home should be a sanctuary.
NAH. This reads to me like y’all are impoverished and trying y’all best, this is why they want you to focus on SAT so you can do good and hopefully have more opportunity. Using y’alls poverty as an attack is just not a good idea.
Info: Is this a budgeting thing? Can your mother afford to live elsewhere? Or is this a family preferance? Because living on top of each is bound to cause tension and should be avoided, if realistically possible.
NTA. Youre a minor, OP. Your mother should be stepping up, setting boundaries, and dealing with this aunt. It’s obviously effecting your mental wellbeing
NTA
It seems as though as you’ve lived like this a long time, this is your normal. I know from a poverty POV when you share your living situation with friends you find out it’s not normal. I’m saying this to just prepare yourself, cause it can be a rough awakening.
Now, your aunt is treating you like an adult, a kid and a tenant all at the same time. No wonder it’s, confusing! She can’t have it all ways!
You’re not an arsehole for what you said. I think unless you fully obeyed her every command, she was always going to find a way to verbally abuse you.
In regards to your mum and the whole “get out my house” dance she’s doing, talk to your mum. Do a quick Google search for tenancy rights in your area. But if your mum can afford to move you both out, this might be a blessing in disguise. If she can’t, talk about a strategy for what to do next.
Most importantly, as you mentioned your aunt has been physical, be safe and call the police if she ever lays a hand on you or your mum. One time is one time too many.
EDIT – apologies for any spelling or grammar errors, I’m typing one handed as my baby has fallen asleep on me.
NTA.
That is ***not*** a 4-bedroom house. That’s a 2-bedroom house with 7 people in it. A kitchen and a living room are not bedrooms.
The biological parents of all the kids involved (including you) shouldn’t have had kids if they weren’t able to provide for them. If you’re in the USA, not having appropriate sleeping accommodations and having overcrowding can get you in trouble with CPS.
Do not let them rope you into staying in that house to help pay bills. Once you’re an adult, get a job, save up, and leave. Do not stay like your 20 year-old relatives did.
INFO:
Does your aunt own the house?
This seems like a terribly sad and complicated living situation, most likely due to poverty. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it, OP.
Seems kinda like your aunt started it, by saying the sheets weren’t meant to be used as curtains. With the lack of privacy for everyone in the home, using sheets for a bit of a privacy screen seems like a sensible idea.
Unrelated to that issue, though, you asked your mom’s permission to stay home for the purpose of SAT prep, not to go Pokémon-ing. It doesn’t seem like a real mature decision to ask to join them in their gaming instead of studying.
Does someone in your family own the home? Or are they the primary tenant, whose name is on the lease? I’d say the primary tenant or homeowner should have the final word on sleeping arrangements.
NTA for your comment about the sleeping arrangements, but it feels like there may be a number of issues that make life difficult for all of you.
If your Mom is on the lease, Aunt can pound sand. So many people in 1 house ….. The 2 adult cousins should move out and get on with their own independent lives ….. NTA