For years our family tech was a mess. Android phones Windows laptops Google accounts and random apps that never talked to each other. The wifi would go weird and I would have to hire someone to come fix it because I honestly dont know what I am doing. The TV would lag when we tried to show the screen from a laptop and I had no idea why. Im not tech savvy at all I just wanted things that actually work without me calling people every month.
Over the last few months I switched almost everyone to Apple. My wife and my son who is 16 both have iPhones and MacBooks and they love them. Everything just works. I can see everyones phone in the locator and the photos and messages sync. I pay for the wifi and phone bill in this house so I figured it made sense to get things all on one system that works.
My daughter who just turned 14 was the last holdout. She had a Lenovo P1 Gen 8 laptop and an Android phone. She is really into tinkering and had put something called Arch Linux on the laptop and something called Graphene on her phone. None of it worked with our family stuff. She wouldnt use imessage or WhatsApp or anything normal so I had to get Signal just for her. Also the tracking stuff never worked so if she ever lost her phone we couldnt even find it.
So for her birthday I traded in her Android and her Lenovo and got her a MacBook Air and an iPhone SE. Not the newest model but both brand new and honestly just way nicer. She had backups so she wouldnt lose any files. I really thought she would be happy she got better products.
She was furious. She said I basically stole her computer because she bought it herself very recently with her allowance and doing website jobs for relatives, though she had traded in a laptop that I bought to get it. She said the point isnt just her files its that she cant put her linux stuff on a Mac because they are too locked down and secure. She is really mad about the laptop in particular and refuses to use imessage or icloud and says I forced her into an ecosystem she didnt want, though I’m sure she will eventually. She also complains about silly things like the interface when hers was worse than even Windows, like say the menu bar on apple sucks and makes up stuff like the macbook looking more blurry on her 4K monitor and giving her a headache when it looks fine to me. If anything it is PC stuff that has more issues. I have not noticed any problems on either my old monitor and the new Apple Studio I got.
My wife says I should have asked her first. I get she is upset but I thought I was doing the right thing. Everything works together now and its more secure and I pay for the wifi and phone bills anyway.
AITA for giving her the new stuff as a surprise and trading in her old gear without asking?
YTA. It was her laptop. Hers. I’d be so upset about the change as well. It’s doesn’t matter that it’s new and you like it better, she doesn’t. You didn’t ask and betrayed her trust. Some things just don’t run well on Apple either and it sounds like she’s really into tech.
YTA on phone they also lost everything they bought from playstore.
Android works, btw. So does windows and linux.
>She said the point isnt [sic] just her files its that she cant put her linux stuff on a Mac because they are too locked down… My wife says I should have asked her first.
This is the only relevant part. You took away her freedom and put her into “Apple jail” for the illusion of security. YTA
Yta
If she paid for it you did steal it. She will never trust you again
You may have just killed someone’s early passion for a seriously high-paying technical skill. Installing third-party operating systems on personal computers is a gateway drug into a very lucrative field in IT especially if you are installing Arch (super advanced if being configured) at 14 years old.
If your post isn’t just rage-baiting, then you need to be humble and revert your change and let her manage your family’s devices in the future because it sounds like you are tech illiterate and that she is better suited to this.
HARD YTA. It was her laptop, her hobby, her own purchase. Your daughter sounds so smart and has learned to create her own systems, she is very tech-y and DIY and you want to crush that with an iPhone which she knows is the antithesis of that. And why? For YOUR convenience. Trying to frame this theft as a gift is infuriating. She will never forgive you.
“She is really into tinkering and had put something called Arch Linux on the laptop and something called Graphene on her phone. None of it worked with our family stuff.”
Translation – it didn’t do what YOU wanted to do.
You took her things without permission and replaced them with things she didn’t want.
YTA – completely and absolutely.
ps> The fact that you don’t understand Linux or Graphene should have been a clue that you were out of your depth.
YTA. if she’s into tech you’ve literally taken away her outlet for that. i understand switching over the phone, but a macbook will be useless for many things she’s likely into. you need to either figure out how to trade the one you got her in, or you need to pay her back the money she put into her laptop. genuinely such an asshole move for doing that.
YTA she sounds like she is into computers and you’ve just unilaterally decided that your way, as someone who clearly doesn’t know that much, is better. I will add that she is 14, not 9 and you might have had the decency to discuss this with her before just doing it.
Did it ever occur to you to ask your daughter for help in merging the different systems in your house before you went all apple? Sure she might not have been able to reconcile stuff, but she might have able to. And as someone who has always had apple phones and iPad, I will say that I do not like apple computers and I do not blame her in the slightest for her preference.
Yes, YTA. Not only did you switch out something she paid for with her own money but not everyone likes that ecosystem. I got the newest top of the line MacBook Pro for work and hated every second of it and just switched back to a Windows laptop.
If she is a “tinkerer”, you absolutely did limit her optipns by switching to Apple. It would maybe be different if you did it because you genuinely thought it would be helpful but seems like it was more for your peace of mind vs consideration of her. Could’ve put more effort into learning how to make it work, for instance now you can message just fine between android and apple. I have iPhone and my sister has a Samsung and there are no issues. We both use whatsapp, etc as well.
YTA
What does your daughter’s preference for android and non iOS products have anything to do with you?
How does it hurt you?
Oh wait, it doesn’t.
Funny how me, my mom, both my brother’s, my niece, my sister in law, and my daughter have none of those same issues with our android and Microsoft products but my Apple using dad, husband, other niece, and other sister in law do.
What is the difference between you and my family?
Im not forcing my will onto my husband.
My mom’s not forcing her will onto my dad.
My brother isn’t forcing his will onto his wife and daughter.
We have different preferences, and it’s ok.
You on the other hand are acting controlling and overbearing and if this is what you do over electronics, i can only imagine what else you have or will do in the future regarding your children’s preferences and decisions.
Apologize and return the items and buy her the items she wants.
YTA. Why are you so into surveillance?
YTA – So I’m an Apple fan. I have pretty much all Apple stuff EXCEPT for a Mac computer. Macs are just not the best for tech work or gaming. I’d be furious if you were my parent and took my Lenovo for a Mac too. Especially extra furious if I paid for that Lenovo.
You’re seeing this cosmetically (“Oh the UI is better than what she had”), but the insides and programing really are not the same. Don’t -think- of doing the ‘right thing’, know. And knowing would also be part of asking and understanding what she wants and needs for HER computer workflow. Her opinion on what works for her is way more important than what you think will work for her. Especially since she seems to know her way around that kind of tech and you by your own admission do not.
YTA, yes. “Happy birthday, I’m taking away your belongings that you had set up the way you want them and replacing them with things you didn’t want that don’t work the same way” is a pretty shitty “gift.”