This is a throwaway, plus my first time posting. So, I (18f) work in the food service industry with my coworker (30m), who I’ll name Eric. Eric and I were incredibly close when I started, talking, joking around like we were siblings. We had a kind of bantering relationship that exceeded the bounds of the age and gender difference. That is until recently. I started crushing on my much younger coworker (21m) and told Eric about it. Naturally, we joked about it and he would try to give me advice. On a busy Saturday night I was *swamped.* I was irritated and told him several times that he was pissing me off, but I must’ve not been clear enough. He started joking that he would turn my crush gay and steal him from me, in which I pointed out the large age gap and said it was "a little pervy." In which he responded "I’m not a perv, I work with kids." I gave him a look, one that said *you’re setting yourself up for this,* and said "You *work with kids?* Okay, pervy p3do." He didn’t like that, but because of the rough way we have always joked, I genuinely couldn’t tell. He got in my face, saying I only said that because I’m insecure because I work at a daycare, and I replied with the classic "Insecure? Have you looked in the mirror?" He didn’t like that either. Told out manager, manager pulled me into the office and told me he knew I was joking but that I should apologize, which is when I started panicking really bad. I felt awful that I’d hurt his feelings and spiraled horribly into a panic attack. But when I calmed down, I found Eric and sat down and profusely apologized, taking full blame and responsibility and promised to work on communication. He was still upset and explained to me that because he also apparently working in the criminal justice field (something about protecting kids, I’m not exactly sure) that it was sexist to even joke about. Which I completely understand and once again apologized profusely for. At the end, he said that he was mad now but he’d get over it in a couple days. It’s been almost a month and he hasn’t talked to me, acknowledged me, and he has completely cut me and my friend off. I’ve stayed nice and cordial because I didn’t want to push any boundaries before he was ready to talk to me again, but I’m just worried that I really fucked up. He’s now replaced me with the other group of teen FOH girls and gives me glances. Anyway, sorry for it being so long, please let me know if you have questions, I’ll be happy to answer.
YTA. You don’t call people that, especially men. It’s not funny. If the person is not a minor, that term does not apply. Grow up and use your words correctly.
YTA
Grow up.
yup YTA. I think it was an immature and unfounded thing to say, and in some cases, it could hurt someone’s reputation by just throwing it around. And I agree with the “grow up” comments.
something I learned from one of my last jobs is, to leave your feelings at home. you clearly got upset and verbally attacked him when he was bantering with you. if you’re having a bad day, go home?
YTA.
Sounds like you already know YTA so not much more we can tell you
YTA for the comment but you already know that.
You will learn as you get older that even good work banter like this has boundaries.
I don’t even blame him for distancing himself from you.
However, I have to ask…are there no other colleagues there his age?
When you say young teen girls are they 18 as well?
I do find it a little odd that he gravitates towards younger colleagues. I’m not saying he’s anything nefarious because this is the internet and we can only go by your little snipped.
But I would maybe just keep an eye on him, and it may be for the best this work friendship fizzled out.
If any of this is true then yes YTA and it’s clear that your brain hasn’t fully developed yet
yes maybe there are somethings that shouldnt be said even jokingly
YTA. Who jokes about that stuff with men? It can have a huge impact by saying shit like that and the wrong person hears.
I would have been really angry as a guy as well.
YTA. That’s such an incredibly serious accusation, and one that we should reserve for when children might genuinely be in danger.
What’s worse is, the idea that gay men are a threat to children is an homophobic stereotype that’s been harming the gay community since forever.
Just don’t. Think of something else to say.
As for him no longer speaking to you, maybe what you said to him was so offensive that he’ll never feel friendly towards you again, regardless of him accepting your apology. You did this, this is the consequence.
Yes, YTA. You don’t joke about stuff like that.
Do you know what happens to those people, if the wrong person overheard you you could seriously fuck their life. You’re not In school, grow up! YTA
You’re accusing him of being a sexual predator who rapes children. That’s not something you joke about. Of course YTA.
YTA
This is not a silly funny thing to joke about. It just isn’t. And using it when it’s about flirtatious banter between full-grown adults – even if there is an age gap – waters down the meaning of the word and makes it have less impact and meaning than it should.