The premises is i still thought the head tenant who has a room under the kitchen was away at his parents for the holidays. Basically I was up with my partner who also lives there, at 4:30am in the morning making some food because we were in and out sick (still am) and was super hungry. While doing that I was also cleaning up another flatmate’s dishes because they never clean up after themselves.
As I went up stairs I look at my phone and see there’s a message from the downstairs flatmate asking who ever is banging up there to stop. I was feeling remorseful. Then right when I finish reading he pops up from the stairs. I say I’m so sorry and he starts aggressively swearing at me. I didnt want to deal with him if he was acting like that out the gate, so after his rant I walk up stairs.
He sent an apology the next day mainly saying that he was condoning his actions because he was sleepy and set a boundry by telling us not to cook at night.
I was going to respond with I could see where he was coming from but the swearing was not okay, and that we didn’t know he was in. But I was told that was too forward. So I just thanked him for his apology and told we didn’t know he was there.
Cut to less than a week later I woke up to use the toilet and he was making food at 1:15-30am he was chopping bread up so not being as silent as he says ether.
I ended bringing it up because it is hypocritical and now that guy and the person i kept on having to clean up after had a swearing match at me.
NTA
I get that the sounds from the kitchen would be worse for him as he has the room below. However acting the way he did and the follow it up with using the kitchen night time himself is not OK. Atleast that is how I would see it.
The funny thing is I was making noodles and quietly putting dishes in the dish washer not wanting to wake up the other flatmates just didn’t know he was there.
YTA. I think you just wanted to pick a fight because you were still mad about the swearing, because I think you can understand that noises in the kitchen are worse for someone under the kitchen (you didn’t even know until you left your room).
He already apologized, you accepted, move on. Fyi people who swear generally have higher levels of intelligence and a broader vocabulary (there’s studies, look it up). If you’re that butt hurt to pick unnecessary fights with someone you live with because he cursed at you, try growing up or getting some thicker skin.
Yeah nah this was aggressive swearing not oooh lala I’m smart swearing. Also I was pair pressured into accepting the apology as there was an obvious power imbalance dynamic.
What? With that same reasoning, bullies tend to be more aggressive and thick skinned, therefore they have the right to bully people, and the people being bullied should just toughen up. Just because you might be smarter than the majority of people around you doesn’t mean you should disrespect them. This person did something that they find offensive to someone else, which shows that they don’t care about other people, just themselves, like they only think that they matter.
Thinking of only themselves like OP assuming they were the only ones home at 4:30 am and making a racket?
1- flatmate apologized, and set a course to avoid future conflict. If his room is the only one who hears kitchen noise, there’s no actual problem here, other than pride & ego.
2- being mean for a moment is not bullying. Stop treating all infractions the same, it cheapens complaints against truly heinous ones.
3- same token, OP uses therapy speak like “power imbalance” to show how the flatmates… Made them apologize under duress? These are every day, minor scenarios.
>now that guy and the person i kept on having to clean up after had a swearing match at me.
I’m so confused, so the guy who swore at you AND someone else started swearing at you?
Also NTA, if you ask someone to stop doing something, then proceed to do said thing, then that makes you an AH. I would’ve said the same thing.
Yeah this other flatemate (heads up they are using they/them pronouns so grammatically might not be cohesive?) got dragged into the conversation in a weird ambush by the downstairs head teant, after I messaged him about it being a bit hypocritical, so yeah bit of a power imbalance that and they both know i have ptsd around verbal and physical aggression
How much do you pay to live with AHs? They sound truly charming… Rules are rules, not rules for thee but not for me. I would be looking for an immediate exit!
Just below average and I guess I know why now
NTA. He’s expecting you to respect him then he doesn’t respect you, and he thinks that just getting angry and intimidating you fixes the problem. He can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.