TL/DR: Conflict with my (22F) husband (23M) over cancelling a trip due to bed bugs. I’m canceling the Florida trip until the bed bugs are eradicated from my apartment. Husband doesn’t like that and still wants to go without fixing the bedbug problem.
My husband (23M) and I (22F) recently discovered bed bugs in our apartment. I caught it early and have only seen a few, but I know from experience that acting immediately is important.
We have a planned trip coming up to visit his family in Florida, and someone is also supposed to stay at our house while we’re gone to pet-sit. I told him I don’t feel comfortable traveling or having someone stay in our home until the bed bugs are fully treated, because I don’t want to risk spreading them to his family, a hotel, or the person staying at our place.
He’s extremely upset and says I’m basically saying I don’t care about his family and that he’ll have to “wait another year” to see them. We could go to Florida at anytime this year because we get paid fairly good. My intention was the literally opposite of what he was accusing me of. I feel like I’m trying to protect everyone involved by waiting and getting it solved.
He says “I don’t care” because I voiced with him that I didn’t want to be around his racist dad while we were there. The fact that he would turn around and throw my boundary back in my face was definitely kind of heartbreaking for me.
I even offered to pay for the extermination myself (even though it would cost most of my paycheck) or getting a small $500 loan to cover it so we can still go and visit his family to handle the process as quickly as possible. I’m also sacrificing the trip to deal with this responsibly and not have it get worse.
What hurts the most is that instead of acknowledging the situation, he’s accusing me of being selfish and uncaring. I feel blamed for something I’m trying to fix something that’s not my fault.
I ended up getting a loan anyways because I wanted him to still be able to go. When I told him about it he was upset that I called an exterminator and said that the bedbugs aren’t a big problem. He is now giving me the silent treatment and laying on the couch while I prep the house for exterminators to come in an hour. I told him that I didn’t care about his lack of sleep and told him to stop throwing a pity party.
NTA
The fact that your husband didn’t drop everything and work with you to deal with the bed bug problem is troubling. This is not an “I’ll get to it” problem. This is an “I’ll have to deal with yesterday” problem.
And good on you for not wanting to risk anyone esel
Exactly, bed bugs aren’t something to half-ass. You’re handling it responsibly, and him sulking doesn’t change that.
NTA
Bed bugs are serious. Sure it sucks that you were looking forward to a trip.
But good on you for taking initiative
Tell his family that you have bedbugs and that your husband doesn’t care if they get them from him. See how fast that invitation is rescinded. NTA.
NTA
Oh noooooo. Been there done that – bed bugs are a NIGHTMARE. Our previous apartment had them and I felt like something was crawling on me for MONTHS after they were eradicated.
The thing is, you are being considerate and there are things you can do to prevent taking them with you. However, if I were pet sitting, I would not want to do so in a home that has bedbugs, so one of you likely needs to remain behind unless you board your animals.
He can go without you if he wants to, but he needs to pretreat all his packed belongings before exiting the apartment to prevent transporting them to other spaces. I doubt his relatives want bedbugs for Christmas. He should speak to them before traveling because they may not want him there.
Nooooooo NTA 😭
I lived in an apartment that got bedbugs once. A lot of bedbugs resources pages actually have the suicide hotline number directly on the page. Shit is such a nightmare! The protocol I had for getting out of the house was bananas. Like I would nuke my clothes in the dryer and walk with a towel from the bathroom directly to the dryer, put my clothes on, and leave immediately.
It made me feel super insecure riding on public transit about people not following diligent protocols/being unaware that they had them (it took months of sores and hospital visits trying to diagnose what was happening to my skin before we caught a baby in a trap and I could force my landlord to get our house checked out).
Even after treatment, we moved from the house and my roommate had stored his bed frame in his parents’ garage over the (Canadian) winter and when he went to take the bed frame out he found a couple of very pale live bugs. I threw out anything that wasn’t absolutely essential prior to moving, and any books I kept I went through page by page to make sure I wouldn’t take the infestation with me.
You are being responsible!!!
NTA. Your husband is a baby, and that’s a way bigger issue than the bed bugs.
NTA.
Go ahead and call your in-laws. Tell them, “Dear husband is SOOOOO looking forward to see you all! Oh, by the way, we’ve got a bedbug problem, but we shouldn’t let that spoil the holidays, right? See you soon! Bye!”
If the mention of bedbugs doesn’t make them shriek and tell you to keep your vermin to yourselves, you might want to be thinking if you REALLY click with this guy and his family. Bedbugs are no joke!
NTA, bed bugs are serious and can be difficult to eradicate once they settle in and start multiplying, and your husband should be telling his family and letting them decide whether they want to risk him bringing bed bugs into their home.
NTA. Completely. Stop sentence. Your husband is being irresponsible, lazy, inconsiderate, a huge baby, and the definition of someone who is clearly too immature to be in a relationship let alone being married.
Sorry for being so wishy washy. I’m trying to.as kind as possible.
NTA
The Real “selfish and uncaring” option is knowingly spreading bedbugs… to his family and to the home of your petsitter.
NTA. I didn’t even have to read past the first couple of lines to know you are not the AH. Bedbugs are a huge problem and I bet if whomever was planning on pet sitting may decide not to if they knew you had bed bugs. For that matter does the family in Florida know of the little visitors that will be coming along? Are you flying? If so will your luggage infest the luggage of others.
Not only no, heck no. I’m sorry you had to get a loan to correct thins but it is important to get rid of them. I don’t even know what to say about the fact that he doesn’t think that they are a big deal, that makes me think you will be getting them again. I feel about that attitude the same way I might if someone told me they don’t believe in cleaning their butt after defecating. Ewwwww.
NTA Your husband is the AH, what kind of person brings their bedbugs to someone else’s house??? And what kind of a person LIES by omission to their pet sitter to get them to stay in a house with bedbugs?? An AH kind of person! Your husband comes across as immature and selfish, and that’s further proven with his passive aggressive silent treatment. He has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA. He’s obviously never had bed bugs. It’s wrong to let someone pet sit and expose them to bed bugs. Has he asked his family if it is ok to come with bed bugs? Let him tell his family about the bed bugs. See how fast they shut the trip down.