I (30F) had a baby sick with the stomach flu about a week ago. Prior to this, my mom and I had made plans to see a movie today.
When I found out my sister got the stomach flu on New Year’s eve after coming to my house, I reached out to my mom and sent the following text yesterday:
“Hey! I just wanted to be totally transparent and tell you that (sister) just texted me that she got the stomach flu from (daughter). I’d still love to go to the movies, but I am a little paranoid and would feel guilty if I got you sick. I just wanted you to know so that you can decide if you want to take a rain check for the movie.”
She said she understood and decided to cancel.
Then last night was an absolute nightmare. My daughter’s molars are coming in and I was up for 5 hours with a screaming baby.
I texted my dad this morning with the same warning, and asked if he would be willing to come play with her today because I need to sleep and he has never cared about germs/illnesses. He accepted, and then I got an angry text from my mom:
“Why is it OK for him but not me? I adhere to your warning so that our family doesn’t get sick and then the same day you’re having dad over? So it’s OK for him to get it and spread it to all of us? Never mind I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Just imagine how I feel I wanna do something for myself with my daughter and I’m urged not to and then you have dad over. Again I’m at the bottom of the pecking order.”
I genuinely need to know if I need to apologize here. I feel like I put the ball in her court and gave her an opportunity to take a rain check for our movie date because she babysits her other grandchild and frequently visits her mom in the nursing home. I never specified that I was unavailable or still contagious. I also wouldn’t have been able to go see a movie today regardless because I am barely functioning. But clearly her feelings are seriously hurt.
AITA?
YTA. It sounds like your mom & dad live together. How are you protecting your mom from the baby’s illness if dad is exposed to it and goes home?
NTA bc when I read the post you said your mom cared more about germs than your dad rather than “don’t come over we’re contagious”. You told your mom due to something leisure and allowed her to make a choice since she is more anti germ whereas you called your dad because you’re exhausted and need help and sleep. BUT you could’ve offered your mom the same job and/or offered them both the option of watching the baby so you could sleep so your mom wouldn’t feel left out. Something tells me your dad is more easy going and your mom regularly feels like you treat them different lol.
Thanks this was exactly how I thought about it in my mind, and I don’t think the sleep deprivation helped my judgment
This reads like f post.
Communication with parents is WAY too polite and… by text? Most people would just call.
YTA – although I genuinely don’t believe it was intentional so don’t be too hard on yourself. If you’re worried about your grandma getting poorly, don’t invite anyone over that could have direct OR indirect contact with her. Apologise to your mum and do better next time
Thank you for the kind words 🫶🏼