It is our son’s (5mo) first Christmas this year. Unfortunately Christmas is always a busy and complicated time as both my husband’s and my parents are separated so we need to see 4 seperate sets of family.
My husband always has enjoys going to Boxing Day at his dad’s house to watch the cricket but the last few years he hasn’t gotten to spend the whole day there for various reasons. (Last year we left early because my husband didn’t want to see his sister).
My dad has terminal cancer and over the past few years he has enjoyed doing a big Boxing Day event too. We haven’t gone for the past couple years so we could go to my husband’s dad’s house.
We weren’t going to go to my Dad’s event year but my dad recently got concerning medical tests and he isn’t sure if he will be around for Christmas next year so would like to see me for his big Boxing Day celebration. He recently got offa drug trail so he is getting sicker faster. I told my husband I will go to his dad’s event in the morning and spend a few hours there but would like to see my dad in the afternoon. Since it is maybe his last Christmas I don’t want to disappoint him by leaving early.
My husband said he will see my dad too but he’s sick of his dad missing out on Boxing Day and it seems a bit convenient my dads said he may not be around to get people to see him. He said his family is always missing out because of my family and later admitted that hasn’t happened for years. He said he just doesn’t want my dad to get Boxing Day every year if he’s going to still be around for years to come.
I understand my husband wants us to be together for Christmas holidays but if my dad is getting worse and may not be around the following year, I want to be able to spend his Christmas event with him. I don’t want his disappointed I’m not there for his last Christmas.
I honestly feel this is a stressful time and my husband is making it all about him and his needs. I’m not even asking him to join me I just want to be with my dad. Am I the asshole for changing plans for that if there’s a chance he may still be here next year?
There’s not really a problem here. You’re not attached at the hip. If your husband wants to spend time with his dad on Boxing day and you want to spend time with yours then you both do that. If he wants to spend boxing day with you then he has a choice to make.
NAH. Just do the things you want to do and meet up later. You’re happy with that so if hubby isn’t then he knows what he needs to do. The only other decision here is who has the baby.
Agreed. NAH
I think NTA,
Even though he hasn’t spent a full day with his dad on Boxing Day, he’s still seen his dad on Boxing Day.
If my partner thought it was ‘convenient’ that my father was dying and might not be around next year…. whoo boy.. he’d be lucky if I spent Christmas with him..
Easiest thing to do, he can go to his dads, you go to yours.
Realistically, it should be alternated where you go each year… but I guess hubby won’t want to do that
It is not quite that simple. My Mum was terminally ill and used that logic. She was terminally ill for 7 years. 9% of her life. My partner’s mother was alone as her husband died at 62. So balancing needs important. There are no guarantees you will see anyone next year.
I agree with you on the logical steps. We tried to rotate Christmas and NYE. My partner argued NYE more important to my family than his so we should always do Xmas at his. We did 1 in 3 Xmas at mine.
Wow no you are not but he sure is you didn’t even ask him to come and it’s still a problem? See your dad you never know
There’s not really enough information. If he’s claiming that his family loses out to yours, what examples are there of that, or is he talking out his ass? You gave one example of leaving boxing day early because HE didn’t want to see his sister, that’s not on you.
Purely on the basis of your dad may not be around in a years time, and you’re totally fine with husband staying with his dad NTA but 🤷♂️ apparently there’s more going on than you’re telling us so who knows.
Please go see your dad and spend the whole day. He can go see his if he wants. Your husband is a prick.
You see your dad, let him see his dad. Then spend the day after boxing day together making memories. Do something special for your small family on 27th.
I know people who lived like this and the saddest thing was the parent who wasn’t as old and wasn’t as ill who was put off because this might be XYZ’s last Christmas, they died. Having missed out for many years.
So go, you see your dad alone, It’s important.
It’s also important he sees his dad.
No pressure to rush off. Just hang out.
Then do stuff together the next day.
Life is too short to overthink this one.
NTA your husband had the last few boxing days, and this year it’s your turn. you can discuss next year once again, but this year you should be able to chose.
NTA but I have no idea why this is up for discussion. Tell your hubby you’re going to your Dads, he goes to his, end of discussion.
Your husband is being an ass. I am saying that as someone who lost both my father and husband to cancer. He is making it sound like it would be a waste of time spending a holiday with your sick father in case he gets better. It would be a wonderful, good thing to have him recover and you could plan a different way of splitting holidays then.
Also he spent the last two Boxing Days with his Dad so what is his actual complaint? He sounds completely self centred with no empathy.
Would he feel the same if he had a terminal illness and your child would choose to avoid him to please their spouse?
Treasure your time with your Dad. Go visit him without your husband.
So your husband has been able to visit his dad for the last few Boxing Days, and the one year you say you want to prioritise visiting your terminally ill dad your husband kicks up a fuss and makes comments about how “convenient” the cancer is?!
Wowww. You are NTA but your husband is definitely a massive A. I would also seriously be questioning the marriage if that’s his attitude – the lack of empathy for your dad is infuriating.
OP – please forget about your husband and his family and go spend the whole day with your dad. I lost my mum to terminal cancer very soon after she stopped the clinical trial and I regret all the times I missed out on because I was busy working, seeing friends etc.