I (26F) was out for drinks with my boyfriend (27M) and two friends (25F and 25M) last night. A group of women around our age, maybe slightly older, were sitting on the table right next to us. Two men approached their table and asked to sit with them, and the women didn’t seem enthusiastic but agreed. At my table, we all felt concerned because the men looked chatty and animated, but the women looked tense and weren’t responding much, and seemed to be talking primarily to each other.
I’d had a few glasses of wine at this point, and felt emboldened to ask one of the girls to come and take a photo of me so I could get her alone. I asked her if she was okay and she knew the men, and she clarified that they were her coworkers. I immediately accepted that, thanked her, and we returned to our tables. Embarrassing, yes, but I didn’t regret checking.
Then my boyfriend overheard the girl tell her friends, including the men, that “some random person” had come over and asked if she was okay, in a tone that implied I’d done something strange. He was offended on my behalf, and my friends agreed, because he thought she should’ve appreciated another woman looking out for her and her girlfriends, even if some wires were crossed.
I’m not upset, because I can understand why being pulled aside by some stranger for something their own friends could’ve helped with, then asked if you know your own coworkers, might’ve felt like an intrusion. I don’t mind that she told her friends what happened, especially because I was too embarrassed in the moment to properly explain why I was concerned. I could definitely see it being a “mind your own business” situation.
However, I think women should take care of each other wherever they can, now more than ever. I’d have been grateful in the girl’s shoes. Our table was right beside theirs, to the point where the men had actually asked if we had spare seats when they wanted to sit down, so it’s not like we’d been watching them from across the bar. I don’t even think it’s that weird to ask strangers for help taking photos these days.
AITA for checking the women were safe, even if I went about it clumsily? Was it presumptuous, or did I do the right thing?
I mean NAH your intention was good but I have seen women end up bring the creepy person you want yo get away from on a night out. You were a complete stranger to her and went up and made her go off with you to “tale a photo” maybe one too many glasses of wine made you come off wrong
You did a good thing. NTA.
NAH because it came from a good place, but you can have good motives/do an objectively good thing AND come off as weird at the same time. (I have often been that well-meaning utter weirdo in a range of situations.)
NTA. It was nice of you to make sure. I do this, as well.
It’s better to be wrong than to let someone be harmed.
Everyone should look out for one another. Good job!
100% NTA.
If you ever have a concern about someone’s safety or wellbeing, always do something. Obviously, you should be careful in how you approach the situation and be ready to let it go quickly depending on their response, but doing nothing is the last thing anyone should do. It may be that doing something is as indirect as quietly asking a member of staff to simply keep an eye on a situation – it does not always require jumping in to “save” someone. Sometimes something as simple as eye contact and perhaps a raised eyebrow with the person in question can be enough to let them know you are looking out for them – and that may be all they need.
Don’t be afraid to take (proportionate) action if you have genuine concerns.
NTA you can never be too safe, this behavior should be encouraged
NTA – better yes than you didn’t. That woman is a cry wolf woman but what if the next case was a genuine one. People like you are needed – thanks for checking
100% NTA. If anything, the woman could try be a bit more grateful
If you had approached me, in the same situation, I would have really appreciated your help, even if I didn’t need it. You 10000% did the right thing, please don’t let this incident dissuade you from doing so again in the future. NTA
NTA I was walking my baby at the trail around the park and an older woman stopped me said she didnt like the way one of the runner kept watching me and be careful. It was my husband hes just my personal creep! We both laughed I thanked her for looking out!
Impressed by the woman noticing this!
“Personal creep” is beautiful
As another woman NTA I would rather you check on me and I’m fine than you say nothing and I need help
NTA. I would’ve thanked you profusely for being brave and for being a girls’ girl.