I (26m) recently moved to a new city to be with my boyfriend (30m). He has been excited to get me to get to know his friends, and last weekend there was a concert with three of his friends (31f, 30f, 25f) in another city that involved a hotel stay.
Unfortunately my boyfriend had a mix-up with his work schedule and found out last-minute he could not go to the concert. He wanted me to still get to know his friends so he encouraged me to still go. I’m a pretty outgoing person so I felt comfortable doing so. One of his friends gave my bf’s tickets to one of her friends (30m), which my bf was fine with. However, none of the rest of us knew this guy.
We go to the concert and had a really good time. We even went out to bars afterwards and it was cool to get to know everyone. The guy who joined us was really cool and we had some good convos. My bf’s name came up multiple times throughout the night but in hindsight I don’t think I ever explicitly mentioned him as my boyfriend.
We get to the hotel and the guy who’s with us is surprised that we’re not each getting our own hotel room. He seems taken aback but not annoyed. A quick convo we end up agreeing that the women will take one room and me and the guy will take the other one (luckily it had two beds instead of one large one, since I only met him that day).
Anyway we get ready for bed and we’re both kind of drunk at this point. I noticed when he gets into bed he must not have brought any sleep clothes and I think I make a dumb joke like “oh you’re bringing out the tighty whities, very classic.” He just laughed and got into bed. We went to sleep and the the next morning we left. Everyone was quieter in the car because we were all kind of hungover.
Then last night my boyfriend gets a call from the friend who invited this guy. Apparently the guy felt very uncomfortable about the comment I made about his sleepwear. And before anyone assumes he is being homophobic, he is bisexual and I don’t know if he even knows my sexuality. But he called me a creep and my bf’s friend is saying it might be best if I lay low from hangouts for a bit because the rest of the friend group think something offs about me. My bf asked if there was anything else to the story and his friend said no, just that comment. He’s on my side but it still sucks. AITA?
YTA. You’ve never slept in your underwear? I’d just be grateful he doesn’t sleep in the nude
I mean, I’ve slept in my underwear alone or with a partner, not in front of someone I barely know. That’s weird as hell and bound to get a comment lol.
I for sure thought this was about the him being naked. But no, just his undie preference.
YTA – it wasn’t sleepwear – it was underwear and it’s kinda easy to think you were suggesting he shouldn’t be wearing them? He was probably embarrassed at being pretty naked and you made it a thing. I’d just apologise if it were me. It perhaps wasn’t intentional, but it was a thing.
YTA: Seems like a weird comment to throw out there when you’ve just met this person and don’t know what their sense of humor is really like.
They spent the evening together drinking enough to be hungover the next day. I would not think twice about making that comment.
YTA, no reason for you to do this
You made a guy feel more vulnerable in an already potentially fractious situation. You’re sharing a room with a guy who you don’t know at all, friend of a friend. You made it weird.
YTA
***”he called me a creep and my bf’s friend is saying it might be best if I lay low from hangouts for a bit because the rest of the friend group think something offs about me. My bf asked if there was anything else to the story and his friend said no, just that comment. He’s on my side”***
\—Your boyfriend is absolutely not on your side. He’s a coward who is not defending you and engaging in appeasement of hypersensitivity.
NAH- I don’t think you are TA but I think you should apologize. It was a joke and you were drunk, but if a joke makes someone else uncomfortable and it is reasonable that they are uncomfortable I think an apology is always due.
I don’t like that the friend is telling you to “lay low” as to me it is a bit of an overreaction. I would apologize, let him know you were drunk and didn’t mean to be inappropriate.
I would not have shared a room with a stranger period. I would have asked the hotel to put a cot in the bedroom the women were sharing. If Im knew him and trusted him I still would not have made any comment on his underwear. You were way out of line. YTA.
NAH
Yeah, you made it kinda weird with the comment, but I don’t think you were totally out of line. The guy got into bed with a stranger only wearing his underwear, which I also find a little weird. He says he didn’t realize he wouldn’t have his own room? That sounds a little off to me.
I don’t know, I wouldn’t have expected someone to pick up a hotel room for me. Would have been questioning sleepy arrangements if the plan wasn’t to drive home. You know and come prepared with adequate sleepwear, if the plan was to stay in the same hotel room.
No real assholes in my opinion, just two people in an awkward situation.
NAH
He didn’t know he was going to be sleeping with a stranger, didn’t prepare “sleepwear”…. Your comment wasn’t needed and made it awkward.
And… Maybe YOU use “sleep wear”, but… Lots of people don’t. If it had been me, I’d have been nude, and I’m not shy. I also wouldn’t have cared about your dumb drunk comment, but I’m stupid confident…
For all you know, he used to get wedgied in summer camp in his youth and is awkward being nude around other dudes? I dunno, just say’in, obviously SOMETHING is up with this guy.
At the end of the day, your comment is dumb, but it’s not “creep” level. Something is up.
The proper solution to this is to just talk to the dude and ask what’s up.
NAH, just humans being awkward.