I (F24) from the philippines, recently started living with my roommate during the first month of our internship. For context, we’ve never really seen eye to eye since a previous rotation, but I’ve always tried to keep things professional.
It’s known in our group that my parents are financially stable and have helped support me during internship. My roommate, however, has been struggling financially. Because of that, I decided to live with her for the remaining months of our internship so she could save on rent. I genuinely did it out of kindness.
This wasn’t an easy decision. In a previous rotation, she left me alone in a new city and I ended up paying more than 25K in rent while she stayed with friends and saved money. Despite that history, I still chose to help.
Now we’re assigned to a new city that’s very far and expensive to live in alone. My parents are also having a harder time supporting me here, so sharing rent made sense for both of us.
Our place costs 20K a month and requires a minimum 3-month stay. The landlord wanted the full 3 months upfront plus a 10K security deposit. Since I knew my roommate might struggle to pay immediately, we asked for an extension to complete the payment and the landlord agreed.
By the last week of February (about a week before rent was due), I reminded my roommate to prepare because there would be a contract breach penalty if we didn’t pay on time and the lease is under my name.
On the day rent was due, I reminded her again. She said she would check with her parents. After 2–3 hours with no update, I started getting anxious since I’m legally responsible. Because I had worked with her mom before and had her contact, I messaged her mom to explain the situation and the missing amount. Her mom then tried to negotiate another extension with the landlord.
When I told a friend about this, they called me an “asshole” and said I was being “privileged-minded” for going behind my roommate’s back. They also said I was acting like a “loan shark” asking for money suddenly, and told me to “get my head out of my ass.”
However, when I spoke to her mom it seemed she already knew about the situation. In the end, the problem was solved because her mom negotiated another extension with the landlord.
My roommate and I are actually fine now, and I even think she appreciated that I contacted her mom. She has admitted she struggles with communication and tends to avoid confronting problems because she assumes the worst outcome.
Now I’m wondering if I crossed a line. My friend and I aren’t really on speaking terms because of this.
AITA?
a gentle ESH, just because it sounds like it was inevitable that you would end up in a situation like this given she’s done something similar before. what’s your plan for when this inevitably happens over and over again?
NTA – this person is not your friend and is exploiting your kindness. They know that if they can’t pay then legally it falls all on you. This can fuck up your credit and housing options for a long time. Have a back up plan for when she fails to pay the deposit because it’s going to happen. I doubt she ever planned on paying and knows you’ll have to cover. Depending on your state you might not be able to ask her to leave if she can’t pay.
Read up on the leasing laws in your state and don’t live with her again.
Thanks so am I still an asshole for asking her mom pay rent?
No, she probably was pissed because she wasn’t planning on paying and didn’t want to deal with her mom getting mad at her.
No. But you really should have learned by now not to trust her and not to make any contract with her.
How big is your place to be paying this much on rent?
NTA
Sorry I’m from Philippines.
NTA you’re responsible legally for the rent to be paid and it seemed like she wasn’t going to pay.
P.S. the rent may seem higher because this is located in Asia, I don’t live in America.
NTA. You did what you had to do.
But, you do know that if you choose to live with her again, the same thing will happen.
why live with a roommate who clearly isn’t gonna pay?
Living with them feels like a responsibility especially when our internship is 10 month long. We got paired to assist each other in time of need and I was sorta obliged to do it because of the buddy system in our school.
Unless your school has a policy saying you have to be roommates you’re doing more than you need to. If the school requires it then they need to know she isn’t paying.
ESH she is not your friend as she left you with rent to pay in a foreign city while she stayed with friends. Nonetheless, you trusted her again in a foreign city and she once again hasn’t paid her share. She is very much at fault. You should look into why you thought she was a friend and trusted her again despite her leaving you with an expensive rent. But you were right to contact her mom.