Me and my husband have been married for about 15 years. Recently he went on a weight loss journey and is now at his goal weight and much healthier. I am not happy with my weight and I want to lose it, though my husband says I do not look overweight and he likes the way I look. A couple of years ago, I was part of a system called Weight-watchers, which I enjoyed. There were weekly meetings and the diet was good, it helped me lose a decent amount of weight. However, recently they changed the meeting locations and altered the program in ways I didn’t like, so I quit. I’ve told my husband that I liked weight-watchers (key word: liked, I don’t like it anymore). So today, he surprised me with a card that had login information for my new weight-watchers account he signed me up for. I did not ask for this and frankly felt offended, it was like he was calling me fat. He told me he thought it was something I wanted and that he thinks I look good and that I’m not overweight etc, but I still found it offensive. He didn’t tell me he was buying it, otherwise I would’ve told him not to. I was rightly angry at him that he would do this without asking me at all and I asked if he could cancel it. He said he would try but suddenly he got super defensive and started arguing with me saying I was ungrateful and handled the situation poorly.
Both him and my son think I’m in the wrong, though I don’t see why. AITA?
*”I am not happy with my weight and I want to lose it …”*
Apparently, you would prefer that your husband continue lying to you when he says he likes the way you look. YTA.
Gentle YTA.
You said you are unhappy with your weight and want to change it.
You also said you liked Weight Watchers (I realize that is past tense now, but I can see how that could be misunderstood if you didn’t elaborate).
You said your husband likes the way you look and has not called you fat.
I think you are taking out your own insecurities onto your husband. If you don’t want to use the gift, fine, but I do think his intentions were good. He took the things you said and tried to offer you something he thought would be helpful.
YTA. Not a horrible ah, but You hinted at all these things and didn’t share your thoughts about the program. You are projecting your own emotions about your appearance and blaming him.
YTA. Point blank. You want to loose weight and he is attempting to be supportive.
” I am not happy with my weight and I want to lose it, though my husband says I do not look overweight and he likes the way I look.”
YTA
Sounds like your husband heard that you were unhappy with yourself and wanted to do the work though he didn’t think you need it, after his own struggle probably decided that if it’s what you want, it didn’t matter what he thinks only what you feel.
So he got you a membership to support your desire to change.
He picked something you liked in the past but don’t seem to still be doing. The question is, how much did you tell him about why you didn’t do it anymore? Did you tell him what you put if this post?
Either way, your husband is responding to YOUR desire to lose weight and you lashed out at him because you’re insecure.
>The question is, how much did you tell him about why you didn’t do it anymore? Did you tell him what you put if this post?
$5 says she didn’t say why she quit, just that she did.
YTA – You like complaining about things that bother you, without actually doing anything about said things.
You think you’re fat, then do something about it. Weight Watchers gone and suddenly you’re a headless chicken? Did you not learn anything from that programme that you can just do yourself? Nothing stops you from doing your own research.
And the fact that you think you were ”rightly” angry at him is honestly aggravating and says a lot about your ”can’t do wrong” deflecting attitude. You like complaining.
All your man did was tried to make you happy and help you solve problems. All you’re doing is spitting in his face and trying to make him look bad online.
Again, YTA. Go work on yourself, therapy is necessary.
>I was rightly angry
To *you*, it seems like you have the right to be angry.
But your husband has heard you say that you want to lose weight. He heard you say that you liked Weight Watchers. He has no way of knowing you said ‘liked’, past tense, because you don’t like the program anymore. A lot of times when people say “I liked x”, they’re using past tense because they’re not *currently* doing the thing anymore, not necessarily because they stopped liking it.
“I liked x movie” doesn’t mean I don’t still like it, it means I liked it while I was watching it, I’m just not still currently watching it at the moment.
>it was like he was calling me fat
So he literally can’t win. If he keeps telling you that he doesn’t think you’re fat, then he’s not listening to you (because *you* are the one saying you’re not happy about your weight). If he listens to what you’re saying and tries to help you lose weight, you accuse him of thinking you’re fat, even though he’s only ever said the opposite and is just respecting what **you** have been saying.
You definitely handled the situation poorly.
YTA
OP is clearly projecting. She’s self-conscious about her weight and it makes her angry, so she takes it out on the person she loves. Sadly, I’ve been there and I know how it is. Doesn’t make it right though. Definitely YTA.
Some people here are gentle on you, I can’t follow the pattern YTA massively so.
You start off by telling us your husband is great, he’s doing better after loosing weight. Only to follow with you don’t like your weight.
Again you make a point of it to show us your husband is a compassionate man and supportive of you by telling you that you don’t look overweight and he loves the way you look.
You then complain, you don’t like your weight.
You then say I was in weight watchers and loved it, the only reason I don’t go is they changed the location.
So this man, takes the risk, he walks the tightrope between risking you making it out like he’s calling you fat and unhealthy on the one side. And being a supportive husband who even though he thinks his wife is gorgeous wants her to see what he sees.
And what do you do, you pay him his kindness in anger, you think he’ll ever know how to support you from now on in this ? He can do no good in this. He was compassionate, he listened to you but missed out on a nuances created by you.
YTA 10 out of 10 points.
I agree with the YTA for the reasons stated and will add for the use of “crashed out” as well, although I realize the latter is a side note.
All of this over a little d? You said liked, he heard like. You complain about wanting to lose weight so he buys you a membership for a program you were already apart of previously. He genuinely thought he was doing something sweet. You could have handled it better. YTA for your reaction.
I liked that coffee shop.
Omg you took me to that coffee shop, I said I liked it. Past tense. I can’t believe you brought me here.
I can see how this was misunderstood. You’re unhappy with your weight. Found success and enjoyed weight watchers. Left weight watchers due to moving location (this sounds like the primary issue) and program changes. Your husband meant well, you’ve both been working on your health and fitness and you’re taking it personally.
YTA
YTA X1000. you sound exhausting. How can anyone put up with you?
Complaining about wanting to lose weight.
Saying that he always says your not fat/your beautiful he loves how you look.
Then he hears you keep complaining that you want to lose weight. Youre not doing anything about it.
So he figures ill show support and help her get back into it. Because all hes been hearing is you complaining. He did something to better himself and now is supporting you to do the same. For your own happiness, maybe also for his own wellbeing to stop hearing you complain so much.
Now youre insulted Saying he thinks your fat.
Maybe get some therapy, youve got deeper issues.