Hey guys. I met a girl on hinge and after talking for a short period I realized she was actually from a different city. We continued talking as we clicked right off the bat.
2 weeks later we were planning my trip to come see her and she decided we’ll book it in the morning. That night I was with my brother and close friend and had mentioned I’m going to fly out to meet this girl I’m really interested in who is willing to try LDR with me. They were concerned about my decision of doing LDR and flying to meet a random person. They asked to see a picture of her out of curiosity after my description of her. She had clearly told me that she gets the “ick” when guys show pictures of a female to their friends, but had also told me she talks about me a lot with her friends and randomly was asking me questions about my appearance after telling me she was talking about me to her friends.. I automatically assumed she showed a picture of me but didn’t ask.
I showed the picture of her to my brother and friend and told her the next morning that I did. She instantly cut me off and does not want to speak to me anymore or meet me or let me explain.
I only showed the picture because they are the 2 closest people to me in my life and they were concerned for me about “cat fishing” “fake dating profiles”. I was confident in my explanation that she isn’t and can’t tell if I’m in the wrong for showing a picture to the ones closest to me to make them feel more supportive of my decision and that she wasn’t fake. I understand I could have simply told them that we FaceTime, share snaps, pictures all the time.. but they really wanted to see a picture. I was honest with her and told her I showed a picture but didn’t get to explain why.
Should I try to reach out and explain? Or do I leave it be as she must feel some type of way towards me for doing that. I feel so dumb for showing the picture we really liked eachother and both were very excited to meet. I feel like if I try to explain why I did it she still will think I wasn’t confident enough to do it without validation from my peers.
YTA and she would be right. You weren’t confident enough and you felt like you had something to prove and ignored her stated wishes.
If you reached out to her after she cut you off and told you she didn’t want to talk to you, that would also be ignoring her stated wishes.
(but this post is going to be removed for breaking the rules about no partings)
If they were nude pictures, you would be the asshole and also a criminal in some jurisdictions.
I’m going to assume it was just normal pictures of their face or something. NTA.
She told you not to. You did. Leave her alone now.
light YTA, she set a boundary and you crossed it, doesn’t really matter why you did, the fact is you did. It was a weird boundary, that has it’s own red flags that she doesn’t want anyone to see who she is, but that doesn’t change the boundary. In the future I would ask for a pic that I can show to close friends/family and if they refuse I would get suspicious.
You can try to reach out to explain, and maybe she’ll understand, but really I think this opportunity has passed.
she set a boundary, you crossed it, shes pissed. if you’re already having issues and haven’t even met irl, just leave her alone
ESH
I feel like this is a really unreasonable request. She has a public profile on hinge, so people will obviously see her pictures.
You could have handled it better though. “Hey, my bro is concerned that you might be a 40 yo male murderer and might catfish me 😀 are you up for a quick video chat to show him that you actually exist, haha?” …or something like that.
Don’t reach out, she has made up her mind.
YTA but only kinda
Not sure why you felt the need to tell her at all…. Because it’s likely she did the same with you.
Her “boundary” was quite manipulative. You don’t know her…. So safety is quite an important thing for both of you so of course you should tell/show what the person looks like.
Don’t try to explain yourself, just stop talking to her after this. If this is how she responds to you know, I can only imagine what else she had in store for you
I understand if your friends are concerned for your safety and want to know who you’re with; it makes sense to share a photo in that scenario. However, she had asked you not to, and telling your friends you’d facetimed several times should have been enough to convince them she wasn’t a catfish. To handle this better in future, you could explain her wishes and check in with her first. Before crossing that boundary, shoot her a text first saying “hey, my friends are worried about not knowing who I’m going out there to see. Is it okay if I show them your profile, or we facetime real quick for them to say hi?” Then respect the answer, whatever it may be.
Boundaries exist whether you agree with them or not, and, if you like someone, you respect them. YTA for not respecting that, but personally it feels like an innocent mistake, so I hope you don’t beat yourself up for it, and instead learn to adapt your approach.
I think it’s a Yta. she had an admittedly somewhat weird given that her profile photo is online, perfectly easy to follow boundary and you didn’t follow it. You couldn’t even last 3wks without doing something she had asked you not to do. She had every right to cut you off. Leave her alone now and learn from it.
YTA it was a clear boundary and you crossed it. You knew it was a boundary and didn’t care. Says alot. What other boundaries would you cross because you don’t deem them important?
A boundary is when you don’t allow people to di things to you, controlling is when you don’t allow others to do things.
NTA
I would be worried she thought your friends would recognise her, and that makes me wonder from where. As long as it was an ordinary picture of her face and nothing intimate I don’t see an issue with showing anyone her picture.