For context: I’m turning 18 in an hour, and a day ago I got a full ride to Grinnell (don’t feel excited, but I am going in any case as the deal is bonding).
So, driving mom on her car from my work, I showed the wish list I made while I was waiting for her. She looked over, told me she won’t do the half of it and stick with gifting medical check-up that I thought she would do anyways. I mean, I get it, it’s a big deal as we are pretty broke, but it’s just the fact that she didn’t even consider the stuff that would take her any effort (Arduino was in my list, it is pricy, but she didn’t even know about it and the reason of refusal was that she didn’t want to look up for it).
Then we came home, I was planning to do my homework and forget about it, but my little sister was impatient and wanted to show me the presents they’ve got for me: Christmas card(my bd’s 3rd December), A big bottle from dollar trees, an apple cider and a pack of instant ramen.
I kind of got sad, but also didnt want to sadden my little sister so I didn’t show that, while she was asking for the stuff she just gifted me to herself, lmao.
She went out of the room and my mom asked me:"Who made you do a wishlist? Doesn’t sound like you.”
And I couldn’t hold it as my voice cracked when I said: "What doesn’t sound like me, wanting something?"
She asked me why I was crying and..
The reason is such an ass.
Really, am I crying because of too cheap birthday presents?
Should I go apologise?
PS:
I put the Grinnell deal for context as there was a sentence that then I deleted (oops) mentioning of thinking of my birthday as also a celebration of getting in somewhere, but then deleted that sentence.
upd:
My friends got over with the candles and everything, and my family just wanted to keep cake a surprise all along, (the cake I cried all over apologising).
Middle one even made a handcraft birthday card(with no Merry Christmas on it!).
I’m so lucky to have all of them.
Letters on wishlist are nothing compared to what I get to have.
Thank you guys!
NAH I normal to feel disappointed but if you are smart enough to get a full ride to college then you are smart enough to get a job. It’s time to start being able to contribute and be the person in your family who can provide the more expensive gifts for you little sister and your mom and also for yourself too, it will be a good feeling.
Yeah, I will go apologise and gather things up for lil one’s bd
NAH congratulations on your scholarship. You say you aren’t excited but that is a major achievement. Your feelings are your own. What you do with them is different and you haven’t done anything hurtful.
YTA – Your family is broke. You got a full ride to college. You got a card and some small things that they could muster up for you. AND they still are paying for you to get checked up so you don’t miss something serious medically? Yeah, YTA.
Medical care isn’t a gift. It’s a parental obligation.
I don’t know why the full ride to Grinnell is relevant, but it shows that you are generally pretty whiny and unappreciative of good things in life. Why are you upset about a full ride to a good school?
No, I don’t think you’re the AH. I believe our disappointment and hurt are real… because I’ve been in your shoes.
But I’ve also been in your mom’s shoes and I know how much it hurts to do the best you can for someone, and then they are ungrateful.
Go to college, have a great time, learn lots of new things, and choose your best life. I hope you are successful in everything you pursue, just remember to appreciate your family for doing what they could, or you’ll be kicking yourself later.
First, congrats on getting a full ride. Go take advantage of it.
Next, YTA. Look, I’ve been there. Growing up we didn’t have much. I knew we didn’t have a lot of money compared to my friends but I never really understood how tight things were until I saw mom’s reaction when we got a surprise bill. For Christmas, we’d do this thing where the 4 of us were each given $15 or $20 and we’d go to the discount store to buy as many silly gifts as we could. My brother and I thought it was just a game but looking back now it was mom and dad’s way of putting as many presents under the tree as possible because otherwise…yeah.
Your mom probably didn’t look at your list in detail because she figured that it wasn’t going to be tenable. I get it. It sucks. I’m sure it sucks for her too. But as my mom would say, you can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip.
NAH but leaning towards YTA. Emotions are valid but your financial situation means that your parents may not be able to afford your gifts. It’s fine to be upset by the situation but you just can’t be angry at them instead of the issue, as there’s not much they can do.
If your reaction was over the top and in front of them, then you’re an AH.
It’s okay to feel disappointed. Feelings are feelings. Your feelings can be valid and you can also still apologize if your mom/sister were hurt by your disappointment/ingratitude. Both can be true here, and the most mature thing would be to both apologize and have an honest conversation about why you felt the way you did. NAH
Congratulations on your full ride to Grinnell! I very nearly went there myself- it’s a great school. Try not to internalize negative things about yourself or your writing skills over a post you wrote on Reddit. That’s not a time when you’re expected to draft and revise and hone a thesis or turn of phrase. You’re fine.
NTA… I feel like I’m in an alternate universe reading these comments. A medical exam is not a birthday gift.
A pack of ramen?? I mean…I don’t know, I grew up the kind of broke where $20 was expensive, but for a major birthday like 18 there would at least have been some level of effort to make up for not having money, or some sympathy or regret shown if my family couldn’t get me things I actually wanted, not complete dismissal.
Congrats on your full ride!
NTA. Not at all. You are turning 18, and you just found out that you are getting a full ride! First, Happy Birthday! Second, major congratulations! You have every reason to expect your mom to show some joy and excitement for you. Christ knows I understand being broke, but it costs nothing to express joy.
Pay no mind to the sour grapes on Reddit who are being negative. Some people just cannot be happy for others. They are and will remain miserable little people.
You deserve to be happy and to celebrate who you are. Stand up, look in the mirror, and say, “Hot damn!” Then strut around the room. This is not only your day, if is the beginning of the rest of your life. Well done!
NTA You’re 18. It’s a milestone birthday. Don’t listen to the people who are telling you not to feel the way you feel. I sounds like your day wasn’t made special in any way and that’s hurtful. It also sounds like the crying took you by surprise as a result of genuine emotion not a temper tantrum. I know many people who don’t have relationships with their children and I’m certain some of these harsh commenters are included in that group. Happy Birthday to you and congrats on the college scholarship. Best of luck to you!
As someone that grew up dirt poor, I am going to offer a different perspective and say NTA.
You’re a teen, and it hurts to grow up in that situation. It hurts to never have, and always be left wanting, and be told you can’t do that. You have to be just okay with it. It hurts to see other people get things on a whim and act like it isn’t any big deal. I know I got to a point, especially being the youngest of several kids and hand me downs was my life, that I basically didn’t even care to celebrate my birthday by the time I reached my teens. So, definitely NTA for feeling that way. And I can’t call you the AH because you held back your emotions for your little sister, and didn’t really come out with them to your mom until your broke from how you were feeling. I also don’t think it is phrasing it quite right with out you’re feeling and cause being “cheap birthday presents.” It’s probably more of a culmination of multitudes of things throughout your life of similar nature. I don’t think your mom is the AH here either…eh, maybe a soft one because she wasn’t trying to understand your emotions at all. But at the same time, I doubt she ever gets anything she wants either as she is trying to provide for your family. It just really sucks all around.
So, should you apologize? I would say sort of, but more that you should try to openly express to your mom what you’re feeling and why it hurts, say sorry it is getting to you so much, and hopefully she can show some love and empathy for where you are. Also, take this as a learning experience to continue to work your ass off so that you can one day provide for yourself in a way that allows you to have wants. But also don’t forget where you came from, and to have empathy for others in the same situation, and to share any success you earn with others as well.