After one of my parents passed away, my oldest sibling went to the house not even a day later and started taking items without discussing anything with the rest of us.
There is video proof of them loading suitcases and belongings into a car. When confronted, they denied it and minimized how much they removed.
On my parent’s deathbed, they told me that my wedding suitcase was still at home. When I went back to retrieve my belongings after they passed, my Hmong New Year’s clothes had clearly been gone through and several items were missing. The wedding suitcase my parent specifically told me was there was completely gone. The house was empty of suitcases and personal belongings. Meanwhile, there is video evidence showing a car filled with suitcases and other items being taken.
Recently, I left another set of clothes at the house. I have a photo from a couple of years ago clearly showing those clothes are mine, including the date. My oldest sibling argued with my remaining parent about it and claimed the clothes belonged to another sibling they are currently watching. That was not true. When I later called my remaining parent to ask about it, I was told there was no argument at all. However, I had already heard from other siblings that there was a fight about it. It felt like another lie to protect my oldest sibling.
It is not just about clothes. During the funeral of the parent who passed, my remaining parent also covered for my oldest sibling regarding other issues that are too much to get into here. That moment made me realize this is a pattern. No matter what happens, my oldest sibling is protected and defended, even when there is proof.
What hurts me beyond anything is that I finally opened up to my remaining parent. I sent the photo proof and a long message explaining how hurt I feel. It was the first time in my life that I expressed my feelings this directly. The response I received was essentially “okay, good.” No acknowledgment. No accountability. No honesty. It felt like my pain did not matter.
Because of this repeated covering and lying, I have decided to permanently cut contact with my remaining parent. I feel like I have emotionally reached my limit.
I just want to know if I’m the asshole for cutting them out, and if my feelings are valid because I’m tired of being silent and lied to.
NTA
You’re not wrong for cutting them off.
What gets me is the lying not even the stealing. They didn’t just take your stuff, they lied straight to your face to protect your sibling, even when you had proof. And then when you finally opened up and told them how much it hurt, they basically just shrugged it off. That’s cold. People always say “it’s still your parent,” but that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to just keep eating disrespect forever. If every time something happens, they cover for one kid and pretend you’re crazy, that messes with your head. Anyone would hit a breaking point.
Seek legal advice and report the theft.
Why are you leaving items you care about at someone else’s house?
Seriously? That is completely irrelevant to OPs question
Weird situational logistics aside, YWNBTA: You have expressed your feelings and concerns, and your parent basically brushed you off. I can empathize with needed to distance yourself from the situation for your own emotional well-being.
NTA. It also sounds like you have evidence that your sibling stole items belonging to you. I’d get the authorities involved.
NTA. You are never going to get any respect since your brother is the Golden Child. If they reach out to to you, send them this summary. If nothing changes, stay no contact. Later on down the road, when they need you, they will act surprised when you don’t help. Look up “missing, missing reasons” – the Golden Child will have to pick up the slack. Don’t expect any financial help or inheritance from your parent.
It was my older sister not a brother
File a report. Do you think your brother still has your items? I’d call the police and see if they can retrieve them. Good to have this documented. He literally committed a crime against you, he stole your property. Reasonable to cut ties with them. Don’t leave you stuff in any other relative’s home
It was my older sister not a brother
NTA. I have very similar experience, I was in Seattle when my Mom passed. Before I could get on a plane my sisters went to hospital got her keys and jewelry went to the house in LA, and took everything of value, but also sentimental photos of me in HS Cheerleading, my prom pics, some wedding photos my Mom took of me getting ready, me and my Mom on trips etc. idc about the jewelry I just wanted the photos. I took care of my Mom and spoke to her daily. I was in Seattle for a year on work project. They only stopped by to “borrow” money. No calls, visits, holidays with her. Just the worst people, they’re in religious cult, but completely denied taking anything. I cut them off and haven’t regretted it! I can relate 100%!
Honestly, items are just items. Yes, they mean a lot to me because they’re from my deceased parent, but what I really need isn’t the items themselves. I just need my sibling to acknowledge what they’ve done, and for my living parent to acknowledge it too.
Like I’m tempted to fully post the videos and photos and tell the whole story about the funeral, even show the video evidence of where the drama started. But it doesn’t actually fix anything if they won’t admit what they did, say they were wrong, and apologize. Honestly, it’s probably better for my own health to just cut them off. Even going legally would drain my health so best to just cut them off is what I’m going for since they can’t admit their wrongs and apologize.