For inicial context, I’m autistic and ADHD, was using the app Hiki to find others neurodivergents to chat. Was texting a really cute guy at the app, but wasn’t having much conversation because of Hiki notifications and app structure. I asked another way to talk and he suggested Discord/Text…
Second context, I’m Brazilian, here we most uses WhatsApp and other apps and since we have a lot of spam calls and stuff like that, there are a bunch of apps for you to see who was calling/spamming you. It happens that my mobile provider gives us a premium subscription at the Truecaller app, which uses not only input from other people, but it searches online a vinculation for that number.
Ok… so I sent my number (DDI+DDD+NUMBER), and the guy didn’t get it, so it sent me his number and the discord. I never texted like that, so first I made contact at the discord, when I thought I got it how to text, I screenshot the profile showing at the app, to be sure about the number, but it happened to have the dead name of the guy showing (I thought it was a masculine name, just different from what he was using at the Hiki app).
Then the guy was so strange, asking me how I had all the information at the screenshot, freaking a lot, I tried to explain, but when he finally asked me to never uses that name and use the one he chose, he sent me a message saying that I was freaking him, not to send a text at his number, blocked me and unmatched at the Hiki…
I am really sad about all this happening and not sure how to react, even how to deal with other chat with people if something like that happens again… what could I’ve done?
Kinda borderline/full YTA
Using a deadname directly or indirectly is shitty. Autism and ADHD doesn’t excuse being shitty. Regardless of what you know about them, the way they introduce themselves is how they want to be seen and referred to as. Maybe next time, just refer to someone as who they say they are if that’s what you’re doing. Once they’re comfortable, they’ll tell you about their deadname and past, but it’s not for you to dig (even if it’s unintentional) and use/share.
…not really? But also like use the name you meet someone with next time instead of trusting a program lol. Saying this as a trans person, it’s a little freaky when someone finds your dead name, you didn’t do anything wrong and neither did he.
Yeah, I didn’t called him the dead name, but I acknowledge thatshowing the screenshot from the app could be triggering.
Ah, and the app, here in Brazil we use it to save a contact, to call and send a text, so it’s like replacing the regular caller app from the phone. Thanks!
I see, next time don’t do that if it shows a different name to a creepy degree, sometimes cis people even change their names and it can make them uncomfortable to bring it up too.