AITA FOR DELIBERATELY IGNORING MY MONSTER OF A LITTLE SISTER??
AITA for distancing and deliberately ignoring my little sister when she comes home to visit??
So I, ‘18 F’ (I just turned 18 last month, YAY!) have a little sibling ‘16 F’ and she is an ABSOLUTE MONSTER. But before I get into this, a little bit of context.
My siblings have always had a….harder time. To put it lightly I have other siblings but the main one we’re going to focus on is Lilly ‘16 F’ (this is not her real name)
A little more context (sorry for already giving so much but this is important to the story, and sorry if it’s confusing…..I’m confused to)
So due to some behavior problems (to put it lightly) my little sister is not living with us in our home (the rest if my siblings are moved out, so it’s just Me, my mom, and dad who are at home) Lilly is currently staying in a foster home (not permanently). And she \\\*unfortunately\\\* comes to visit every weekend.
It’s always been clear that Lilly has been very, very jealous of me.
For example.
And I get to go on a-lot of trips, I got back from alligator fishing with my dad last September (super fun btw!!) and for my birthday gift from my dad, we went to Scottsdale AZ to stay at the 5 star Christmas at the princess hotel, (the place was so fun and nice, and an amazing experience) and they’re, I got to so whatever I wanted.
Now for Lilly, she doesn’t have her own room at my parents house and usually has to sleep on the couch or in our guest room (our guest room is super nice so we didn’t think it’d be an issue).
She does get to go on trips (she just got back from Vegas with my dad, again a work trip) but she literally got spoiled in Vegas, and yet. She always throws a tantrum whenever I get to go somewhere.
So again, Lilly gets to come home every weekend….and that weekend is a NIGHTMARE.
She gets worked up and angry VERY easily, even if see gets the idea that I “looked at her like that” she goes OFF. And she hates being told “No” so whenever she is, she gets verbally aggressive.
And towards me….just as bad.
She’s always insulting me, telling me I should lose wait or eat a salad, I’ll admit, I am a bit of a curvier girl but I don’t think I’d consider myself “fat”……and it’s funny because my little sister is like twice the size of me.
But anyways, she’s always insulting me and my dad, and whenever confronted she always brushes it off and says “it’s just a joke”.
And every time, she comes over, at-least like two or five things of mine go missing!! It’s gotten so bad to the point where I’ve actually had to change my bedroom lock and doorknob and even still, things get stolen.
I could go on and on about things that have happened with Lilly, but this story is just long enough.
EDIT: ESH
yta. You said she has a long list of problems, and is jealous of you. Be the bigger person. Protect yourself without cutting her out of your life. There is a middle ground.
Why should she have a relationship with someone like that. Lily needs to understand she lives a different life to OP. Lily’s parents and workers should be working with her to deal with her feelings
I agree but it would be ESH because we can’t deny that she has at least some negative role to play in this assuming OP’s right
NTA. try to talk to ur parents and ur sis, separately and together. I don’t see why her being ur sister means you have to accept abuse.
NTA you are the older sister. I am the older of 2. my little sister 2 years younger than me and my youngest sister is 3 1/2 years younger than me. while being 18 is exciting just know you are going to mature more and more each year. and every 3 years are gonna look back on how ridiculous you were. don’t let this be one of those times. who you are now is drastically different than who you were when you were 15 and who you will be at 21. who she is now will be very different when she is 20 and hopefully she feels embarrassed for how she acted during this time. your sister is also going through this same changes. I recommend just hanging out at a cafe. were there anything you liked to do as kids? is there any events or something you’d like now. go in with an open mind. go out to eat. talk about things. but don’t hold the past against her. she will change in time hopefully you can be a good influence. <3 I think all your feelings are valid. I think you should have a bigger conversation with your parents to try to work around this. they should try to consider your feelings in all this. it is a lot everyone is going through including you.
NTA Keep your room locked and if she’s rude just ignore her. Either her behavior will improve or it won’t.
NTA
The adults around are failing her. They should be helping her accept she has a different life to you
Info: she in a foster home for her behaviour? I don’t think that’s a thing… but also of course she would have abandonment issues…. Feels like you’re leaving out context?
So, couple questions. How long has she been in foster care? Why don’t the parents have a room for her?? I was a foster kid. Kids don’t get sent to foster care for having bad attitudes. She’s jealous because she’s in pain. She doesn’t have her own room at her parents house, she only gets to come home on the weekends, she misses out on spending time with family and going on trips and I’m not saying you throw it in her face but she sees that and wants her family too. Do you see how damaging this could be? She feels like an outcast and she’s too young to even be aware of why she acts this way. She acts out to channel her pain. She doesn’t know why she does it, she most likely doesn’t enjoy acting that way and probably knows she’s being mean but can’t stop it. It also sounds to me like she could be bi-polar. Getting mad at you because of a look or she took it as a look, common signs of bipolar disorder which I also have. Honestly, she sounds a lot like me when I was a child. Instead of looking at her as a pain in the ass or hell to deal with, someone needs to actually help her and bi polar and other disorders are caused by trauma. That is not her fault. She’s suffering and she doesn’t know why or how to stop it. She’s watching you have a family while she doesn’t even get to have that. That’s DAMAGING and more than likely the reason for her acting out. I know I’ve already mentioned it but why the hell do her parents not even have her own room for her?? That’s bizarre and would make anyone feel unwelcome where they should be welcomed the most. She doesn’t have it easy. Switching back and forth every week is super stressful, especially for a child. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you had to leave and only see mom and dad on weekends, where they don’t even have your own room for you but your older sister does, she goes on trips with the family and you are lucky to go on one, she talks about how she got to do whatever she wanted, acts like your a bad person because they don’t understand you, more than likely the family talks about you while you are gone to other family members, you have to live with other people, strangers at that. You have to handle school, foster home, bio family, and your own emotions you can’t control. With the context I have available to me yes, you ARE the asshole. How do you expect your sibling to be when she’s dealing with all of THAT. Love her. Don’t degrade her. You may not verbally abuse her but clearly you are aware she wants what you have and she doesn’t and you see it as a problem and it shouldn’t be. It’s human to want to have family that wants to spend time with you. LOVE HER. She’s clearly lacking emotional support. Calling her a monster because you don’t understand her is 🤮 I hope you’ve never said that to her face or out loud. If so that’s emotional abuse and you are part of the problem. It’s okay if she makes you angry and you don’t understand her but villainizing her is another thing. Labeling her as a monster is horrible and would make her feel like she is not worth loving, therefore she won’t love herself and likely will put up walls emotionally to protect herself. Hence her insults towards you or your dad. Tell her you love her, hug her, do nice things for her, INCLUDE her.
This is so sad. You’re being kind of an ditz to loved ones feelings so yes yta. She has to sleep on the couch or guest room while you get your very own fancy room. Yeah? It’s obvious your parents treat you way better than her. Do your parents even like her? No wonder she is stealing you dont even know what its like in foster care its awful!
Things must’ve been bad that she was placed outside the home. She’s got serious issues -yet you don’t say what they are besides basically calling her a monster. Monsters are created. What happened in her life that contributed to this? As hard as it is to overlook her behavior you have to know she is seriously hurting. You must understand why she is jealous of you. There’s a long list. And what kind of message did she receive by being taken from her home? And then having no place of her own when she does come home? Did she ever have that? She sleeps on the couch like a guest would. What incredible hurt and abandonment she must be feeling. I know incorrigible is very hard to live with and ignore. But mb some of this will help you see some things from her side. You’re not TA. But maybe you can get your own support and help in how to deal with her.
There’s much in question here that you don’t address. Mostly your parent’s relationship with her. And how do they handle things when she behaves this way? And what kind of support do they give you when this is going on?
I hope you can turn things around because I am sure she needs you. Good luck.