To start, I have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and was formally diagnosed at 14 with both, so I very much understand the toll it can take on your life.
For context, my friend, we’ll call Kevin (40M) had a traumatic loss in his immediate family about a year and a half ago. Myself and our friend group surrounded him with love and also let him have his space to heal, while still checking in.
We knew he wouldn’t be the same nor did we expect him to be. But over this past year and a half he has been very moody. He becomes irritable and the drop of a hat, makes snarky remarks, and can be rude at random and not infrequent times.
It wasn’t every time we hung out, but enough that several friends noticed. I once brought a friend out to a hangout to introduce her to my friends since she moved back after years away. He was late to the party, which isn’t unusual, but he brought with him a dark cloud in terms of his mood, and it was felt. When I introduced him last since he got there last, he said some really rude remarks about a good friend of hers that he knew as well. I was mortified. It was, “oh yeah I remember her, she was super weird.”
Recently we had a Friendsgiving style party and he arrived late per usual. Which was fine, it was more casual style. But he was rude to our mutual friend, the host of the party. He would say snarky comments in the middle of conversations about her “apartment” (it’s a beautiful condo she worked hard on and bought). And, “not everyone has a chance to go to an Ivy League school”. (she did, but she has never bragged about this) and we are adults years past college and even grad school.
The final straw was at a dinner out with friends. He had more than usual to drink, and started picking on one of our mutual friends, Janine (37F). At first it was kind of jokingly teasing, but then he kept going and egging her on. She was clearly uncomfortable, but he doubled down. Janine then started crying softly, trying not to bring attention to it. A couple of the friends jumped in and told him to knock it off. He got more belligerent and started personally insulting the friends that stuck up for Janine.
The night fizzled after that as we were out in public and didn’t want to make more of a scene, and there was no calming Kevin down. Myself and the other friends that stood up to him took a break from hanging out with him. He has gone through no reflection and no sincere apologies since then. Some of the other friends have over the course of the year and a half since the traumatic event have sat down with him and told him they were worried and cared about him and that he should go to therapy to help, and he has brushed it off every time.
So here is where I am asking, AITA for not wanting anything to do with Kevin anymore since he has gotten worse and is not looking to change, or like some of the other friends have said, am I overreacting since he’s “gone through a lot”?