I (24F) and my roommate (27F) have been rooming together for four years and it’s been great, I don’t hold her to any expectations usually. I make more than she does and that’s always been fine however recently our landlord as increased the rent from £1800 – £2000 and I can’t afford to put in my 75% without cutting from other areas. For context I pay 75% and she pays 25% because she buys the food shopping and pays the electricity bills. Whereas I pay the rent and the water bills, the heating is usually split and we each pay for our own phone bills. I do not want to pressure her into paying more but I have bought her a lot over the years and have never once asked her to pay me back but now when I mention not being able to keep affording my part of the rent, she never once offered to take part of it, or made any signs of helping. A week after we had or first conversation about it I pull her into the living room for another conversation, I ask her if she would be willing to help, she says she can’t afford it either and that’s why our agreement worked for her. Then I ask her if she’d be willing to get a second job to help out. She plainly refuses. Finally I turn to her and state if you don’t help contribute and extra part of the rent, you can pay me back for all the stuff I bought you. That being a shit ton of stuff. A new phone when hers broke and she couldn’t afford to replace it, a computer, amongst other things. Am I the asshole.
From what you said and I could be wrong it sounds like you’re paying a lot more than she is in terms of expenses?? I think it’s fair to ask her to help out or even you guys could negotiate a new agreement that is more fair in terms of both of your incomes
Absolutely. If there’s a rent increase, everybody has to pony up. But I don’t think she was very smart to go 75-25 with a roommate, and not a long term partner or spouse. They need to go their separate ways as she needs to stop subsidizing her roommate’s life.
NTA.
You are ROOMMATES and not married. Why do you split everything that way? It makes no sense.
50/50 as roommates and everyone buys their own groceries etc.
YTA
You can’t give gifts and then ask for them back when it suits you. If this arrangement no longer works for you it’s time for a new roommate.
You her sugar momma. Nta.
Just suggest splitting 50/50 for everything. If she can’t afford it then you need to move to cheaper apartment or get a new housemate.
You aren’t married, you can’t ask for the things you bought her back either as it’s not a tit for tat unless she said she was going to pay them back not just you offering.
I would suggest 50/50 for everything going forward (it takes 30 secs to transfer money where I live) and not do the weird you pay for some things and she for the others.
This is what happens when you *”don’t hold her to any expectations”* with people. You have low expectations, they live down to them. YTA
“For context I pay 75% and she pays 25% because she buys the food shopping and pays the electricity bills. Whereas I pay the rent and the water bills, the heating is usually split ”
This is a ridiculous arrangement for a non-couple. The only reason I could understand for a difference in rent split is if you had wanted to go for a much more expensive apartment at the start and agreed a higher split because of that – but that doesn’t sound like this situation.
Both of you do the maths of how the current arrangement compares to a straight 50/50 on all costs and see who’s getting the better deal. Because of the rent split alone it’s almost certainly her.
That being said, demanding she reimburses you for things you bought her (phone, computer) that were never indicated as being repayable to you at the time is asshole behaviour.
ESH. Two roommates: each pays half. That’s it.
YTA
It’s fair that you ask her to contribute more as rents rise, but you are not to determine that she needs a second job. Also it’s strange that you expect to be paid back for what at the time were gifts.
You need to have a discussion on how to pay rents and other costs. I find the arrangement on who pays what rather peculiair. Why not pay simply 50% each of rents, food, electricity such as roommates normally do.
>I pay 75% and she pays 25% because she buys the food shopping and pays the electricity bills.
This was the worst rental setup and stupid to agree to. There will never be an equal split and separate parties will always reach a point of contention like you’ve reached now.
YTA. You agreed to this arrangement. And she is contributing! You chose to gift her stuff and now things are getting harder, you want to turn those gifts into loans. That is unfair. You now want her to get a second job! I am not seeing anything about what YOU are doing to find the money for the extra rent.
Going forward, you could look to changing the arrangement by drawing up a contract in which you both pay half of everything and do your own food shopping. But that will need her agreement.
You can also move out and find accommodation/arrangements you can afford.
ESH – mostly her, but you go off the rails at the end.
You were doing fine and your roomie was the sole asshole right until
*> if you don’t help contribute and extra part of the rent, you can pay me back for all the stuff I bought you*
This is asshole-ish for two reasons. (A) Earlier in the post you described “I have bought her a lot over the years” – unless this was **explicitly, at the time described as something she would one day have to pay you back for**, then she doesn’t owe you anything for it, because you bought it for her, it wasn’t, like, a loan, it was a gift. But even if it explicitly *was* a loan you’re still an asshole because (B) you can’t just call in all your debts in full at once with no warning, that’s very disruptive to another person’s budgeting.
Your friend is still an asshole for being a mooching sponge who refuses to contribute properly to even the very generous rent splitting you already have.
Why did you agree to 75% is my first question.
If you both cant afford the rent then move to somewhere cheaper 🤷♀️
You dont gift stuff then when you dont get the answer you are looking for demanding them back…..grow up.