I have this group of friends that I deeply love. We’re all autistic and often talk about comics, movies or games we’re all into in or something specific to our own interested. Two of my friends in particular, we’ll call them Jude (after Jude Law) Snake (after Solid Snake) likes to ramble about his favorite subject. I keep up since I’m a fan of the subject even if I’m not familiar with everything about this specific franchise. I even try to encourage him to write a fanfic about it.
Recently, I began to read the Absolute DC titles and Immortal Hulk. I loved them, so I posted into the chat with images and explanations, which seemed to interest Jude when I was explaining them. Snake sat out those discussions, and flat out told me he didn’t pay attention. Okay, I really didn’t think he was gonna do it since he was a busy guy and I did ramble a bit. However, despite how it seemed to peak the interest of Jude, I wasn’t really able to get him to read any of the titles. Even Absolute Batman, which I was "sure" he’d be into, escaped his interest. With Immortal Hulk, he seemed interested, but despite assurances Jude didn’t really seem to want to. I was pushy about the subject until one time, when I sent money so Jude could eat at a restaurant, he promised he would read Immortal Hulk in return for it. I began to feel anxious, since I felt he would only be reading the comic because I was emotionally blackmailing him rather than because he actually wanted to, so I told him he didn’t have to. I hadn’t brought up the subject since.
So, by this point, I kind of swallowed my sadness and decided not to bring it up. If I wasn’t able to convince them for months, I probably wasn’t going to be able to do it now.
However… I got angry, because Jude and Snake, you see, watch a lot of YouTube videos. One of the channels they follow is ClassicManD, who frequently talked about Absolute Batman and its depiction of the Joker. Suddenly, Jude and Snake were really excited and eager, wanting to read the series for themselves (they still haven’t done it). It got on my nerves, since I was showing them pieces of the comics as it was coming out, but some random YouTuber was getting them excited. I was even more annoyed when I told Snake "hey you seem excited, why not take the time to read it today since you have nothing else to do?" and Snake said "No, I just want to play Pokemon." The subject hasn’t been brought up again.
Both of my friends have their own lives, so I don’t really feel comfortable being pushy about my own interests, but it feels so onesided, because they feel comfortable talking about theirs to me and take no initiative even when it seems like they’re into the things I show them. I feel a mix of bitterness and guilt, like this is such a small problem I should get over, but I feel bitter that nothing I ever seemed to do got through to them, and worse, YouTubers were able to. I feel like a jerk.
NAH but if there were one it would be you. Don’t push your interests onto other people. If they’re pushing theirs onto you and you don’t like it, tell them and insist that they stop. Don’t be bitter that people pay more attention to influencers than to actual human beings: just feel sad for them.