So, I (F23) live with three roommates (2guys and 1 girl). I know I’m probably overreacting and it’s not like a terrible roommate situation, but I’m just annoyed with everything they’re doing, and it’s been building up.
One of my roommates constantly has friends over who stay overnight. My room is right next to the kitchen, so I spend most of my time out of the apartment just to avoid the noise. They have music blasting and walk around with speakers on, during the day and at night.
I was gone for one night on the weekend and they put drying racks in my room to dry their clothes. When I came back, my floor was full of lint, the windows and door were closed so it was super humid (I already have a small mold problem that they know about, so I wasn’t happy).
I bought some pans for communal use, and now they’re ruined… they’re often put back dirty or not cleaned properly, sometimes with food still on them, and scratched. My parents bought me an air fryer that I keep in the kitchen, it’s also dirty now, and recently started making a weird noise. One of my roommates told me about it, and I’m pretty sure it got damaged or dropped.
The roommate who has friends over the most is currently hosting like five people in his room for three nights. They hang out in the kitchen and make a lot of noise. He doesn’t clean more because more people equal more “dirt,” doesn’t offer to contribute extra to utilities, and just announces, “Yeah, I’m having people over.” This has happened multiple times this month.
On top of that, his mom visits every few months and stays for multiple nights. It feels really weird having his mom around as if she lives with us.
I also feel really excluded from my roommates. They’ve hung up pictures of themselves together (at parties or just hanging out) and I’m not in a single one of them. They talk about personal things with each other, but none of them talks to me about anything beyond small talk in the kitchen, like, “Hey, how’s university?” or “How are you doing?” And that’s it.
I realize part of this is my fault. I spend more time at my boyfriend’s place and have closed off a bit since I felt I overshared too much. I don’t really have any interest in spending time with them anymore or the friends they have over, but it still hurts feeling like I’m just not part of the apartment dynamic anymore. Sometimes I even feel like maybe they want me out because they notice how distant I am.
I feel weird addressing any of this because they’re already so close. I try to avoid conflict, but it’s really starting to get to me. At this point, I just want to move out.
AITA for feeling this way and wanting to leave instead of confronting them? Is it all reasonable what they’re doing?
No, confront them. It’s not just their place, it’s also yours. They can leave your stuff alone, stop being loud in shared spaces, clean up after themselves etc.
Talk to them about it, if nothing changes, then move out.
No you are not asshole for moving out. The fact that you think so suggest you are a doormat.It is also ok to confront them about rack, pans, damaged property.
I dont think you can reasonably expect them to stop socializing – you are the odd one out. Being outsider does not make you asshole, I dont think they are assholes for clicking together either. You dont fit, it is ok to leave, they wont change their lifestyle for you.
Them not caring about pans and stuff does make them assholes tho.
NTA
NTA.
Everybody is different and there is no way why you should be the A. If you feel unconfortable and want to move out, just do it. You will feel much more better. Are there any uni friends you can move together with? If not, is it possible to live alone? Can you handle it financially? Would you be ok to live alone? Maybe just find another student apartment to move to and you can start with new group of people. Co-living is often hard – different personalifies, different hobbies, different views of life. But usually the most experience gained.
Nothing will change. OP should just move on, 6 months on neither side will remember anyone’s name.
TV or movie shows don’t reflect reality
NTA
NTA – Drying racks in your room while you’re gone? That’s not clueless. That’s entitled. Closing the windows and leaving it humid when they know you have a mold issue? That’s selfish.
Of course you feel excluded. You’re treated like the quiet extra roommate who just pays rent and stays out of the way. That stings. Especially when it’s your home.
You’re NTA. They blast music, trash your belongings, and invade your space. In what upside-down world you be the A-H?
NTA clearly this place is not for you. I can’t stand noise, too many people, invasion of privacy and utter disrespect too. Go to a place that would feel like home
NTA
They’re inconsiderate assholes
They are TA. Why don’t you move in with your bf?