So theres this girl I have a crush on since like 3yrs, good friends with her. Always talked about things with my guy friend. Honestly, only one I’ve shared secretes with. All 3 of us in same class and college.
This girl, absolutely stunning, I love her company ,talking to her. But she has the biggest red flags I found out over the years when it comes about dating. I should have confessed and got out long ago. But I wouldn’t have fell for her if I was that wise to begin with.
My friend has a ldr gf he doesn’t want other girls in college to know about and likes to hangout with other chicks and what not. Honestly who am I to judge, good guy otherwise.
Bro has always told me to let go of my crush. I do occasionally but when I try to ignore her she starts talking flirty (one of the red flags). It never escalates, she just keeps me at that point. And this has happened with several guys.
All 3 of us are good friends but whenever we hang out, I feel left out. Both of them are talkative and I don’t. My friend doesn’t even try to involve me. So I started refusing to hangout. Nothing against my friend till this point. But I had some other issues recently, some sleep deprivation and depression so I didn’t feel like approaching upto them (everyone in general). I observed that my friend started clinging to her and them two hangs out, have fun together like I never mattered. My guess is bro likes this chick to do whatever he does. I still talk to my crush whenever she approaches me. My friend on the other hand realised I am ignoring him and leaves me by myself. He has a idea why. So one day group of us guys go drinking. He brings up that he knows why I ain’t talking to him. Tells me that there’s nothing like that and he does so only because she (my crush) talks to him. I refused to talk drunk and haven’t talked to him at all since.
I know she always hangs out with few guys like this. But I didn’t expect from my friend to do me like this. So AITA by not talking to my friend over some girl?
Tldr:
Stopped talking to my bro with whom I share everything about my life because he stared going out with my crush, always advising me to let go of her.
ESH. Your friend is cheating on his gf but you think he’s great, he’s seeing how far he can get with the girl you like but you think they’re both still great, the girl you like is leading you on and you’re letting her. You’re not an AH to them (to yourself you are) but you are a pushover.
I’ve seen issues like that. Mainly in playgrounds with 10 year olds. If you like her then stop using the word “chick” when referring to women, gut up a little and tell her how you feel. Simple.
I’ll say NAH. You’re all clearly quite young. There’s no solid proof that anything is happening between them, even if it was, there is no reason they can’t do something (with the exception of the ldr) and your main problem is that you don’t have the guts to tell your crush how you feel and you’re not even sure you should feel that way due to the red flags you perceive. Honestly think you need to grow up a little though.
Dude… 3 years? Either ask the girls out or let go of it. Your friend is hanging out with his friend, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Put your big boy pants on and shoot your shot or realize that you have to accept that your friends are allowed to hang out together.
Yes, you are an AH, this is your friend and that girl is playing games with you,you won’t ask her out, you won’t let her go and now you are fighting with your friend because he talks to her…you have controll issues.
I agree I have a ton of issues. It’s not about that girl really. How can I expect my best friend to start going out with my crush. It’s just a game for him. Could have chosen anyone else. I would never have done something like this.
On an emotional level, yes, it hurts. But think about it logically, three years you had a chance to move on her but you are neither here nor there, dogs have a habit of burying bones because they dont want it but dont want other dogs to get a lick..you had your chance and you chose not to do anything about it so she is free game for everyone (including your friend) if you were planning to make your move maybe it would be unfair but …Boss three years is alllooott of time. So yes, he may be cheating on his girlfriend, but that’s his business. He dint steal from you,he didn’t betray your trust because THAT’S NOT YOUR GIRL.
Maybe if he wasn’t chasing her for himself while pretending to be my wingman, I would have had a chance. That’s his business totally, I just didn’t expect something like that from him.
He can’t have been chasing her for three years….you need to look at your own failure in the face and learn from it… you are looking for someone to blame for your own failure to take action..three years bro three years is a relationship turning to a marriage,three years is a kid being born and learning how to speak..and you honestly think you dint get your shot in Three freaking years because your wingman stole your girl…broooooo, its not that deep..you fumbled and you want someone to blame that isnt you…meanwhile dont get me wrong ive fumbled women before in very massive ways but i dint look for someone to blame.
You wrote this like you are talking to your fraternity bros. Chick this, chick that.
You all sound immature and should go back into the incubator and mature a little bit more. Oh, and your bro, who is cheating on his gf, is not a good guy.
ESH.
If your old enough to drink your old enough to make a move on your crush.
First things first. Your buddy who cheats on his girl is not a “good guy otherwise”, and obviously doesn’t care about his gf’s feelings, so why would he give a shit about yours?
Secondly, you’re at the age now where if you don’t shoot your shot, you miss the boat. End of story. Nut up and be assertive, or watch all the girls you crush on get taken.
Third and final. Don’t fucking hang out with people just to ignore them. If you don’t want to talk to these people that’s fine, but why the hell are you still going out with them?
This exact thing happened in my friend circle in college. It was incredibly annoying to hear the one friend constantly crush over our other friend and not do anything about for years. Then, one night, we caught the girl and one of the other guys in my circle at the beach, they started dating. The guy friend who crushed on her got so upset. I mean, does she belong to him bc he is crushing on her? I had zero sympathy. You snooze you loose. I have lost crushes to other guys this way. I knew that is how it works when you are too scared to take the risk. She has a choice in the matter too and our other friend knew he wasnt going to do anything about it so he acted. He probably fell for her listening to him gaga over her.
He complained that the guy was not a good friend. Well, being a good friend is also congratulating him and her on the relationship. I might think differently if he crushed on her and this happened in months time but this was over a year or two of fantasy land. Move on. If she said yes to him, she is saying no to you and that should be respected.
YTA
You don’t get “dibs” on a human, especially not for years and not when you think they have too many red flags to date.
You don’t like this girl, you like the attention of a “stunning” woman and think that validates you in some way. You keep yourself on her hook and she’s happy to have your attention and the same shallow validation.
Your friend, after three years propping you up is tired of you not doing anything. He’s an ass to his girl, certainly, but not to you.
Move TF on, man.