My boyfriend and I just bought our first house which needs a lot of work so we have been saving money but still lots to do on the house.
We have been together almost 5 years and have never been on a couples holiday together abroad, only on a few family trips with parents.
I desperately want to go on a holiday (ideally all-inclusive week in the sun by a pool) as we have had a very stressful 18 months, due to work, house and personal stresses and think a week away would do us so much good individually and as a couple.
He also wants to go abroad, but keeps saying we need to plan all the costs for the renovations first – which I 100% get.
His friends just asked if he wants to go on a long weekend city-break holiday abroad and he immediately said yes. He could tell I was a bit annoyed and I said yeah you should go but can we go on holiday then. He said ‘well maybe but it’s not the same as this would be a few hundred £s vs £1000 for an all-inclusive week’.
Again, I get that, but a few hours ago I showed him a week away for £650 each and he wasn’t that interested. If he didn’t spend money going with his friends, surely he could stomach £650 to have a first couple holiday with his girlfriend?
I’ve dropped it now but would love your thoughts if I’m overreacting!
NTA, he’s just showing you that you are not his priority. He could easily put that money away for a holiday with you instead of blowing it on a weekend away with friends.
Maybe he doesn’t want all-inclusive by the pool. Have you had that discussion?
NTA. You’re not overreacting. You’re entitled to your feelings.
You should talk with him, not so much about the money, but about the hypocrisy in:
>He also wants to go abroad, but keeps saying we need to plan all the costs for the renovations first – which I 100% get.
vs his trip that “doesn’t count.” You’re sacrificing your enjoyment for the mutual goal, and he is not right now. Your priorities are not aligned. Can you plan a small trip together so that you both feel there’s some parity happening?
INFO: Would he like an all-inclusive resort style trip? Or is there a different type of couple’s trip he’d prefer? Is there a compromise to be had?
Context: I know several people who would love to travel with their partners but have zero interest in a resort-style trip.
NTA.
I’d be irritated as well. I understand you want to go for a week. Him and his buddies are going for a weekend. That’s 4 days shorter assuming they’re including Friday. Suggest shortening your week trip to a weekend away trip and see what he says. If he still insists on going with the guys, make a girl’s trip or hangout for a weekend.
NTA. If he can afford a long weekend away then why not take one with you rather than his friends? When you factor in food and drinks though, it usually balances out with an all inclusive. I would plan your own holiday with friends or something, you shouldn’t miss out just because he is inconsiderate.
NTA. Either he can afford a vacation or he can’t. Pick one.
Would he be supportive of you taking off the same weekend with some friends and spending the same amount of money? It could be the type of vacation that you’re proposing, because I don’t know if I would really want to sit next to a pool for a week either. A day would be fine, but I would get bored after that.
NTA but why wait for him? You could have your exact holiday but with a friend instead!
NTA. You should go away by yourself for a week. And ponder the relationship.
Book the trip for yourself. You can ask a friend to go with you too. Maybe he does not like all inclusive. I go alone once a year, (sometime with a girlfriend) and my boyfriend is fine with that
NTA. Why did you even buy a house with this guy? He’s clearly showing you where his priorities are. When you want to go on holiday with him, he wants to save up for renovations. The minute the opportunity arises to go partying with the boys, then all bets are off, and ‘£1000 for an all-inclusive week’ is suddenly on the table. I don’t think you’re looking at this objectively. He’s telling you that he doesn’t care about you, but you won’t believe him.
So….together 5 years, bought a house (together? with no wedding band (you said ‘boyfriend’ not ‘fiance’), no commitment or desire to holiday with you abroad? Hmmm…..I wonder if there’s anything interesting written on a wall somewhere.
NTA, but you’re right to be annoyed
this is how it will be from here on out I’m guessing
‘bits & bobs’ here & there with the boys will still add up