Am I the asshole for getting into an argument with my close friend over a guy she befriended on the internet. I 20M am friends with this girl since high school. She’s been chronically online for a year after graduating uni. She’s been on a certain game that has taken over majority of her life and she doesn’t make plans to hangout with me even though we live in the same city. She’s befriended this one guy from the game and the way she describes him makes him look like a bad person.
In context from what she has told me is that he gets drunk and will call her slurs, encourages gambling, and apparently has gotten a homeless guy arrested over something he did wrong, and to her it was hilarious. I’ve brought up my concerns with her hanging out with someone who has morals like this but she shrugs all the issues off saying, “he’s just a confident guy”. He also lives in the same state as us but two hours aways but always visits which is very weird to me and has told her to meet in person a couple of times.
I have told her to cut this guy off because this dude to me is a total jerk but she apparently doesn’t care what he does in his free time and according her as long as he doesn’t do anything bad to her she won’t care. Idk what to say besides that I was super disappointed in her because she’s not that type of person to find shit he does funny. She told me that she’s only using this guy to get a reference for a company that his alleged relative works at but she knows nothing about the guy and is planning to give her resume to him.
Now as 20 year old it’s common sense not to do that and when I advised her to get another reference from ppl she knows in real life. She snapped at me and told me to stop telling her who to be friends with and got very defensive about the advise I was giving, saying how controlling I was and how she felt insulted that I couldn’t trust her to make her own friends when that was definitely not the case. Btw the story has changed so much from her view point, first she insisted using him as a reference and will drop him after, and now she’s stating he’s a good guy and out going and might still stay friends with him. I am truly lost and confused on how she keeps changing the perspective. Am I the asshole?
NTA. But she’s really taking chances getting so close to and giving personal information to someone she doesn’t know that well and who calls her slurs and encourages bad behavior. The fact that she’s so defensive indicates that on some level she knows you’re right to be concerned. I’m afraid that with people like this, you just have to step back and watch the train wreck unfold in slow motion. Stop giving her advice about him, and if and when it implodes, be sympathetic and resist the urge to say “I told you so.”
I know it’s hard but you have to distance yourself. she has an addiction to the game. addicts don’t like being told what to do. she unfortunately has to learn the hard way. when you say “don’t & no” she just wants to do it more. NTA