So my ex (14M) and I (14F) broke up last month in January due to his dad not wanting us to be in a long-distance relationship since I moved and he’ll be moving farther away from me in the summer. We stayed on good terms since it wasn’t a big deal that we broke up. This month I asked my ex if he liked someone out of curiosity. He said yes and I guessed who he liked. Now, I don’t mind him liking someone as we both moved on, but the person he likes is someone I had already expressed to him that I felt jealous of since they did a play together.
In December at his school (my other friends go there as well), he was involved in a play where he had a romantic lover. At first I didn’t mind, but then I found out that people who already knew about my relationship with him were shipping him with her, and he didn’t clarify to others who didn’t know about us that he was already in a relationship. Due to this we went on a small break for a few weeks (about 3). We ended up getting back together, but then January came when we had to break up.
So after he told me who he liked, I ignored him and told my friend who goes to the same school as him about what happened. She was on my side and talked to him about it. After they talked, she sent me screenshots of their conversation and he told her that during our break he started to gain feelings for the girl from the play due to them being shipped together, and there wasn’t anything wrong since we weren’t together. Which isn’t wrong, but if he had feelings for her, why get back together with me? Was that last month of us being together genuine? My friend told me that she’s seen them together a lot and whatever. I got annoyed by the whole situation, so I told my ex that we can’t stay friends. But even though him and I don’t talk much and I did get mad, I was in love with him and I know that’s a lot due to my age and there is more people I’ll meet but I’m very genuine with my feelings and I think I’m gaining feelings again(?) Am I the asshole?
NAH, but let him go. It is clear you are not over him. Even bothering to ask if he likes anyone shows you are still into him. Cutting off the friendship was the right move. Gives you time to heal and eventually move on to someone else.
When people are in relationships, attraction for other people does not disappear, you can’t control who you find attractive but you can control your actions and your boyfriend wanted to be with you at the time. That’s what he chose, that’s what matters.
You’re also not an asshole for having feelings, you can’t will away feelings of jealousy but you can control your actions.
You will have to be in the same environment as this boy so there is no point lashing out and telling him you can’t be friends but try to avoid unnecessary contact, keep it cordial and lean on your other friends.
Don’t be hard on yourself for how you feel, big emotions are what makes up life, the good and the bad.
10 years time you won’t even remember his name
YTA
I get it. You’re 14. Big feelings. You’re not a BIG asshole. This is just…. A learning opportunity. Heh.
But you broke up and he’s allowed to be attracted to people.
NTA for your feelings, and jealousy is a natural feeling. What you do about that is what will make you an asshole if you’re not careful. It’s best to just stay away from this guy and let yourself heal.