I’ve told him before that I don’t want his friends who, to me, are random men, showing up at the house to smoke with him for 30 odd minutes.
They come at random times (in the evening) on a weekday or weekend. My boyfriend is a night owl so he doesn’t think anything of the hour but I find it inappropriate- it can be as late as 12am or 1am. I also just don’t want to be exposed to men at a certain hour when I’m just wanting to chill and unwind.
I’ve tried to compromise by saying they can’t be in the room that I am at that time but it means that I have to be stationary and don’t feel comfortable going to the kitchen if they’re in there.
It’s really annoying.
These aren’t necessarily his close friends they’re just smoke buds. Obviously when his close friends come round I’m normal with them and will sit in the living room and entertain.
I’ve told him again and again I’m not comfortable and he still does it.
NTA, you should be able to have some space to wind down without dudes hanging around to smoke. You shouldn’t be uncomfortable in your own space.
NAH but it sounds like you have lifestyle differences and might need to rethink living together. you’re both entitled to your space.
I feel like this is a case of setting boundaries with each other. You both share the same space and have to figure out a compromise that’s fair to both of you. Maybe on the weekend it could be okay, after all its about 30 odd minutes. Additionally, if they come over on weekdays, it has to be at a more reasonable hour. I also think you should try to get to know them a little better. I also wonder if it’s the smoking you’re actually annoyed at.
I’ve tried to tell him all that already but I still end up in situations where it happens on a weekday at midnight. He smokes all the time around me so it’s not really that and when his other friends that I’m now friends with come over, they smoke in the room and I get on with it.
Given that with the other set of people their interactions are based on smoking it’s not something I feel I need to engage with. Whether that’s getting to know them or being present in the room whilst the interaction takes place. I do feel negatively towards what brings them together. So on that front you’re somewhat right.
Would depend on the living situation. Do you live together or is it your boyfriends place. If you share, then it is inconsiderate. If it is his place he can invite who he wants, when he wants.
NTA I can’t imagine having to deal with that honestly
Info: what’s the living situation? Regardless, if you care about each other there should be a reasonable compromise – an acceptable window on certain days, etc. But if it’s his place, the easy solution is to just stay at yours more or leave when you’re ready to unwind. If he wants to be with you during that, he can go to yours (where there are no guests after a certain time) or tell his friends he’s not available that night.
Living in the trap you don’t get any privacy. Nta but maybe find someone who isn’t a 24hr a day stoner or someone who can just smoke alone. Doesn’t have to always be a social event.
INFO: What are your ages, how long have you been together, and how long ago did you move into his house?
Info: are you sure he isn’t selling weed out of the house? Because I smoke with friends but none come over for a single joint at all hours. That’s the kind of thing that ends up happening with the guy I get my weed off, I call over to get it and end up staying for a little bit just so his neighbours don’t see people arriving and leaving immediately all the time.
I don’t always know how long they’re here for. It’s probably an hour or two most of the time. I’ve met some of them briefly but no it’s not that.
My first thought was that it sounds like he is dealing.
>I told him I don’t want those type of guests to be in the house when I am. The action might make me an asshold because it’s rigid and unaccepting of their recreational habits and choices
We get it – you don’t want people smoking weed (or, as you put it, “those type of guests”) around the house. All of your comments trying to distinguish among “friends”, “close friends”, and “smoke buds” make that quite clear.
The problem is that those are also *your boyfriend’s* “recreational habits and choices.”
I get the distinct impression that you want HIM to stop smoking weed, but won’t tell him that…so you’re trying to keep his “smoke buds” away from the house as a way to cut down on his smoking without confronting him about it.
YTA for not being honest with your bf – you need to tell him that HIS “recreational habit” is a problem for you.