Context my partner and I have always done something for each other on your birthdays if we had money to do so if not on the day we at least made it up to each other. Now last year 2025 he forgot my birthday, made it seem like a haha joke moment. He then spent the entire day in the game and I was working when I came home I showered and went to my room. He then comes in apologising and saying all the things he wanted to do but now wasn’t going to do because of the state I was in. Now I don’t like having to ask for things. If you want to do something for me I don’t want to be asked for approval or asked what I want to do. I want it to be planned by you or not happen at all. Over all shit birthday.
I had a meltdown. I felt unloved in wanted and forgotten. We had a talk and eventually I forgave him with the promise he would make it upto me this year.
Present time yesterday was my birthday my partner said happy birthday I’m happy he remembered and I go off to church my two friends got me gifts took me out to lunch it was great. When I got home my partner was out doing a water blasting job. ( he runs his own business and he booked this job on my birthday) I let it slide I assume he has something planned afterwards. He doesn’t finish till 3-4. Before he finishes he calls me up and tells me to think about what I want to do he’ll be done shortly hangs up. My spirits are low not only did he book a job on my birthday he had nothing planned. And I have to plan something myself. I don’t plan anything because that’s the last thing I want to do. He gets home an hour later asks me if I have anything planned I say no. He sighs and says I’ll go for a shower think about it I say that’s the last thing I want to do. He gets out of the shower and suggest we buy a board game… not something i wanted to do but i go hey it might be good we get there and the board games are either for children or our friend already has them (we play games at there house since we don’t have the space or the people). We leave empty handed. My spirits are even lower. He suggest dinner I say sure he says what do you want I say anything because right now I’m done and just want to go home we get McDonald’s after we get out food we drive to a clients house and he spends 20 plus minutes there giving a quote. So my birthday dinner was in the back seat of a truck with our fussy child. And that was all he done for me. That was my make up birthday.
FYI
For his birthday last year I gave him money took him and his best friends out of town and shouted him the entire day. Bowling(they love it) food escape rooms. He enjoyed his time. He forgot my birthday and put me last on mine so am I the ass hole for giving him the cold shoulder
NTA. I don’t want to be harsh, especially considering you have a child but, this man does not seem to care about you, and I have to question if being with this man is what’s best. He has forgotten your birthday more than once and hasn’t thought about what you would like ever, he constantly expects you to plan things. I don’t want to overstep but I wonder is he like this with your kid too?
No he’s very present with our kid, just not always in our relationship. I don’t want money spent just quality time and effort. So I have to agree with you here
That’s really good he’s present with your kid. Maybe talk to him about how it makes you feel? I hope he changes his behaviour for you. Wishing you the best OP💕
Thank you 🥹 I just know good things are gonna find you thank you❤️
NTA, get out. It will just get worse and some how he will blame you for not telling him what you wanted.
trust girl i’ve been there
Appreciate it❤️
I don’t understand what’s so hard about booking plans for your birthday or having the mindset that you’ll just say to him to go do this plan and think that’s okay? It’s inexcusable to forget or not even have made any kind of plans and then think that going to macdonalds is okay? 100% I would joke with someone that I would take them out for macdonalds for their birthday, as a joke. I feel like it would be obvious that doing something like this means you deserve to be in the doghouse. What about presents?
NTA
Look I can deal with a partner who doesn’t think birthdays are a big deal or gets a bit complacent (assuming you haven’t explicitly told him your expectation)
But this – “saying all the things he wanted to do but now wasn’t going to do because of the state I was in.”
Absolutely not.
That is a common tactic to try to dull your reactions so he can get away with more and more without repercussion. He can fuck right off.
NTA, but I’d give the same energy to HIS birthday going forward. Is he otherwise a good partner, and it’s just your birthday he flakes on? If the answer is no, he flakes on a lot of things. Then reevaluate your relationship and don’t have more kids with this man.
If the answe is yes, he only acts this way on my birthday; then I’d want to know why? And the real question is -are you willing to put up with this from now on?
Just my birthday I’ll have to ask him why really and that is a good question I’ll have to sit and think about appreciate your comment
NTA, for your next birthday, get a new man, one that cherishes you and spoils you.
The silent treatment/cold shoulder is abusive. Seriously, you should look into it. That being said, he was an ass but you responded poorly too. If you need space, don’t want to talk, whatever, express that. If something bothers you, you have to talk about it or it won’t get better. Refusing to communicate is refusing to work on the relationship. If you refuse to work on the relationship… what’s the point of the relationship? Please look into why the cold shoulder/silent treatment is abusive. It will help you navigate healthy conflict resolution in the future. Your partner needs some education on what a healthy relationship looks like too.
ESH. i have never expected my fiance to “plan” my day because it’s something we have always done together. if you know it’s been a let down in the past why not help him out with ideas when he asks you instead of getting upset that he’s not good at planning? even when he came up with an idea you didn’t like it but also didn’t speak up about it so how is he supposed to get better?