For context my SO(25nb) and I (25f) both have things we do separately and have been together for 5+ years now. Recently we’ve gotten into an argument if you could even call it that about me going to a convention with them in late July of 2026. They have been wishy wash about whether they want me to come with them and it’s something I really want to do and the last time we spoke they said they didnt want me to come. Now here’s where I might be in the wrong, im looking at going anyway but by myself and having fun anyway. Iv looked at it financially and I can absolutely do it by myself without splitting cost but it just feels wrong because if I do it I don’t plan on telling them because they are already upset thinking about it. Am I the awhole for planning to go anyway without telling them?
I think y’all need to actually have a conversation.
I’m confused, why *wouldn’t* they want you to go to this convention. Like even if they want to do this themselves, is there some reason you can’t both go and just do your own separate things? Something is missing here.
This is my question, why is it such a problem
NTA.
If they don’t want you to go, there is something they don’t want you to know.
NTA for going. But TA for not telling them. Tell them straight forward that you are looking forward to go to the convention and that you are going to go. If they don’t want to be there with you, you can go seperately (and I would advice you to look if the relationship is really working or if your SO wants a suptil way to tell you to break up) or together. But you are going and if they don’t want to be at the same event as you, they can choose to not go.
NTA.
But I don’t see the need for secrecy (from both parts, actually), as it only brings unwanted drama to it. If they don’t want you to go together, just say you’re going independently.
NTA. If you have the means to go and you want to then you should do it. I think it’s pretty strange that your SO is so adamant on you not joking them. I can begin to understand some people feeling like they want to keep a hobby or interest to themselves but they can’t determine if you should go or not. Has your SO given an actual reason why they don’t want you to go or is it a vague response?
Ywbta for doing it behind their back.
But they would be TA for saying you can’t go.
You can both go to the same convention and do completely different things.
Maybe your schedule aligns for a couple of things you both want to see or not.
Financially it usually makes sense to share accomodation but other than that, it’s okay to enjoy different parts of the same thing.
You don’t even have to have breakfast or meals together.
If they want to gate-keep the event, you should be able to talk about it.
YWBTA.
If you want to go by yourself, do it. Keeping secrets is the quickest way to kill any relationship though.
YWBTA. Lies aren’t the way to go when you’re in a relationship. Tell them you’re going to go alone.
YTA if you hide it.
NAH if you talk about it and he accepts you going alone.
ESH – There is a thing both of you want to go to but you’re waiting to find out if you’re allowed to go?
This seems fairly clearcut, a simple conversation telling your partner that you want to go to the convention therefore you’re going. Are you encroaching on something that has always been their thing? Are you only wanting to go because you don’t trust them to be away without you?
One or both you would appear to be the assholes. If your reasons for wanting to go don’t involve being weirdly controlling then they’re the asshole for not being enthusiastic about spending time with their partner in a shared interest. In which case you’re also an asshole for putting up with that treatment.
Time for a frank conversation about why this is causing conflict.
YTA. We are missing a lot of context, so maybe ESH. But you’re choosing to leave out context.
Why don’t they want you to go? Is this like an annual tradition they have with a group of friends? Is this something they are passionate about but you just wanna tag along? Like, they plan on spending it all at panels for shows you’ve never seen and you want to just “explore and have fun”? There is no wrong way to have fun…but do they feel like you are going to keep them from the stuff that you find “boring”?
Why do you want to go? Genuine interest? Just wanting to spend time with them? Trying to prove to yourself or them that you into it? Not wanting to be home alone?
Do you not trust them to be there without you? Because that is a different issue.
Also, how do you plan on hiding it? Is it huge enough that you can be certain you will never run into them? Not planning on any pictures or ever talking about it? What about future years?
You say you looked it financially and can do it. But do you have a lower budget than they do? Will this impact your ability to go on a vacation together later in the year or something? Do you have any joint expenses? I know you aren’t married, but 5+ years, you should have some sense of each other’s financials.
INFO: Why don’t they want you to go? That’s very odd to me. If there’s a thing you both want to do, why is it even a conversation?