Sorry in advance because english is my second language.
So I (F25) have a very long friendship with my now "so-called" best friend (M26). We met at college in music major and now we both are music teachers.
I took longer to become a teacher because I moved to another city first, experimented how it is to work with rising musicians and made friends and some connections.
When I came back to our hometown our friendship grew after the distance, but I feel a bit uncomfortable since him (let’s call him John) doesn’t have many friends, in fact he usually jokes that I’m his only friend and that I’m stuck with him forever. But that’s not what my second thoughts are about.
Since I have some connections I have made by hardworking in the "scene" I have been given multiple opportunities to perform in various kinds of projects in and out our hometown. But sometimes when I go and tell John I can see that he is not really happy about me or my career.
I hate to think like this but sometimes I even feel like he is envious of what I do.
So he kind of began a project to try and put himself out there and also get to perform around wich he has never done before. I tried to support him but I also noticed that he doesn’t seem as serious about it, he kind of procrastinates on it, promises to make advances in the project but never comes around.
But what is really bothering me recently is that I don’t feel supported by him. First the fact that he doesn’t seem happy for me when I tell him about the projects I’m getting invited to, but I recently took a notice in the fact that he never goes to the shows where I perform, not even the free ones and he also never shows his support on my social media.
I’m not the kind of person that expects likes, comments or shares from friends in every post, but since we both are musicians and we both know how hard is to get out there I would appreciate a bit of support every now and then. And I know for a fact that he uses a lot of social media, he is always watching my insta stories.
At the beginning of the month I had an important play that went amazing, it was my first time performing some originals I composed. John was invited but didn’t show up.
I texted him about it a few days latter and he told me even his mom scolded him for not attending but that he was sick and had been unable to go. (His family knows me well since we have been friends for so long).
Next weekend we hanged and I told him joking that he was a bad friend for not going to that play but he just brushed it off excusing himself because he was sick. I can understand not wanting to go out sick but that’s where I realized that I never see an effort from him to support me or my projects, no apology either.
Everything hit hard because I have always been present to support him and I know for a fact I would never miss a show if he was to perform so this feels unfair.
I don’t plan to cut him out but I am wondering if he is really my "best" friend after all. AITA?
NTA: its natural to grow distant from people who don’t show up for you. It doesn’t sound like u plan to make a big deal of it or anything so if you just start giving him the same energy he gives you and things end that is the way it goes
This year I’m trying to reciprocate everything, so yeah, matching his energy sounds good. Thanks
NTA. i think it’s completely reasonable to want your friends to support you and your passions, especially when you respect and support theirs. i honestly agree, i think your friend is envious of you and your success. i think whether you consider him your or a “best friend” is for your perception and analysis of the dynamic.
Got a lot to reconsider. Thanks
Info: have you talked to him about it?
“hey, John, you don’t tend to come to any of my shows and sometimes I feel unsupported or like you’re not happy about my career and to be honest it hurts my feelings! What’s up with that?”
YTWBTA for ending a 10 year friendship over a dynamic that you’re not willing to talk about. If you have and it hasn’t helped, then it’s on him.
Well after the way he just brushed it off last time I don’t know if I’m able to try. I don’t know what to do when people try to excuse themselves instead of offering an apology or instead of trying to fix things together.
Supporting a friend goes both ways. NTA
I agree, thank you.
ai:dr
I’m not ai, just not an english native speaker.
NTA stop inviting him to things and maybe stop sharing your opportunities directly with him.
It sounds like you’re a good friend to John but John isnt your friend much at all. Maybe ponder if thats a relationship deserving of your time and attention.
Im sure it’s not, thank you.
NTA. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes it’s for reasons on purpose and sometimes it’s not. But someone that does not support you. He is only sucking the positivity out of you. The length of your relationship does not require lifetime loyalty. The loyalty to each other is what makes a friendship last for a lifetime.