I (19F) live with my parents (56M & 46F) since I dropped out of uni in Jan. I’m diagnosed autistic. I have a tense relationship with my dad, most likely because he’s also autistic and we just clash, but also because he can be a heavy drinker and sometimes he can be irritable/aggressive.
My parents had been on a night out drinking down our high street and came back about 7. I went to get ready for bed at 8:30 so I had enough time to use the bathroom. I’m on my period and I’m a really heavy bleeder. I can take up to 30mins (sometimes more) in the bathroom because it’s such a nightmare to clean myself up. I can’t use tampons or sanitary pads because of sensory issues, I use period pants and they’re sometimes even messier.
I heard my parents downstairs getting ready to come up to bed at around 9 so I was trying to get off the toilet and out of the bathroom asap because I avoid them as much as possible when they’re drunk. I didn’t know what mood my dad was in, all I knew was that they’d both been drinking a lot, so both my parents would be pretty frustrating to deal with.
My dad comes up first and tries to push the bathroom door open but obviously it doesn’t open because I was still in there. I didn’t say anything because I assumed he’d realise but he started trying to force the handle, so I called out saying I was in here, and he replied something along the lines of ‘I *know* you’re in there’ and then goes on a rant about using the downstairs toilet. It seriously scared me when he tried to force the handle.
My mum comes up only like two minutes later, about a minute before I’m done in the bathroom and starts incessantly tapping on the door asking me to hurry up and be as quick as possible. I managed to sneak out while they were both in their bedroom.
The next morning I talked to my mum about my dad scaring me the night before, how he should’ve realised I was in there and that it upset me how much they rushed me even though they know I’m on my period and they didn’t know how long I’d been in the bathroom already. My mum said I should’ve just let them use it and gone back in when they were done, I shouldn’t expect my dad to cater to my period, and I’m being dramatic about him scaring me.
NTA. Your parents are inconsiderate for not using the other bathroom when the one you’re in is occupied. You’re all adults. I say this as the parent of a 20 year old son with autism- a diagnosis isn’t an excuse for the poor treatment of others. If they can’t handle their alcohol, they shouldn’t be drinking. They don’t get a free pass to treat you poorly because they were drunk, and your dad doesn’t get to be an aggressive asshole because he’s also autistic. We all have to move through the world as decent humans. You don’t deserve this, especially when there’s another bathroom in the house.
Definitely NTA, but your parents totally are. Your dad is TA for how he handled you being in the bathroom and your mom for defending him and calling you dramatic, added that you’re 19 and had to sneak out just to avoid them… its sad and they sound toxic
NTA there is no world where you are the asshole. It’s honnestly a shitty behavior from both your parents. First your dad irritability and then your mom defending him. I mean yeah he should account for your period duh… it’s not like you choose this.
Also I know what it’s like to change a period pants. It’s messy, you can have blood everywhere. You can’t let them enter before your finished they can use the downstair bathroom.
P.S. I can’t visualize myself going to bed at 8:30 XD I’m lucky if i found sleep before 2 AM
A five minute shower can solve the most disastrous period mishap. And when you are sharing a bathroom, 30 minutes is excessive. There’s a downstairs bathroom where it sounds like you’d be given more privacy, why not use it?
ESH here because obviously your parents are rude too.
how are 30 minutes excessive when there are literally 2 functional bathrooms?
I agree that she could use the downstairs bathroom, but I don’t think she’s TA for it. The shower is a good idea but if you’re doing it multiple times a day it gets tedious
NTA. If someone is in the bathroom you leave them alone. Especially if it’s a period/number 2/stomach bug situation.
When can you move out?
You’re NTA, but your drunk, belligerent father and your appeasing mother will not see it that way.
There’s a second bathroom, so neither of them were in an emergency situation. In the future, it may be safer to use the downstairs bathroom if you’re more likely to be left alone there.
NTA. Nobody should have to avoid their parents because they’re afraid of them. Even if they are upset about the bathroom, their behavior was completely inappropriate and creepy.
NTA, and I’m sorry I have to say it but every single “asshole” vote in this thread must have missed the “autistic” and “sensory issues” parts because oh my god.
Periods can be genuine hell for autistic people, nevermind because of the comorbidities attached to it, but also the utter sensory HELL it is to bleed, know you’re bleeding, the hormonal balance being off, and having to clean up blood all wraps up into being one of the most horrible time for any autistic woman. I would know, I’ve been there.
The most scathing thing in this story that makes me say OP is NTA is that *there is a whole ass 2nd bathroom!!!!* What, OP’s parents couldn’t use the 2nd one as soon as they realise their daughter is in there?? Oh my god, the entitlement is maddening. Even if they *weren’t* drunk, that would still be an asshole move! OP’s mother enabling her husband and not calling him out for being an ass is also completely maddening to me.
NTA Why the hell are people saying you are
Because they have either:
1. never had a period
2. had a period, but they don’t understand that experiences with them vary by person
To people saying YTA for not using the other bathroom. I genuinely don’t get the inconvenience there. 2 bathrooms is amazing and why does it matter who uses which one? Or is there something I’m missing like there’s no water/faulty toilet etc. Especially if you’ve just come into the house. Downstairs is closer so surely that’s better?
Not OP, but my guess is they didn’t have to go to the toilet, they wanted to get ready for bed. They probably have their toothbrushes, etc in the upstairs bathroom, which is why they thought OP should use the downstairs one if she was using the toilet.