Hay yall, just wanted to come on here and ask about this because im not able to fall asleep after tonight.
This happened just a few hours ago.
My boyfriend is a phlebotomist, this will be important later. Tonight was his mom’s birthday so all her kids and their partners were going to dinner at grandma’s house. This is tradition for his family and sense we have been dating for almost 3 years, I’ve grown accustomed to these and honestly look forward to it. Now, my boyfriend is the youngest of 3, all adults in there 20s. This family is also very Mormon, although my boyfriend isn’t.
The night was going good as usual. Dinner, presents, cake. As we are all talking at the table finishing our cake, plasma donating comes up. Sense this is what my boyfriend does for work ge encourages people to donate because he gets a bonus. Everyone is going back and forth, jokingly talking about why they are to nervous to go, needles and stuff. At some point his sister is talking about how she might do it if there was a better incentive, and thats when the oldest brother pipes up.
"Well if you want to hang out with a bunch of druggies and homeless people, thats up to you."
Not only is this stereotype not true, it also makes my boyfriend really upset. He takes a lot of pride in his job, however his reaction was not what I expected.
"Hay, shut up!" My boyfriend yells "thats my fucking job"
The room goes silent for a second and then things ramp up. His sister starts going off on him about his reaction while he tries to explain himself. At some point my boyfriend gets fed up and says he’s going to sit in the car (we drove together). He then reaches for my keys which are attached to my belt loop. He doesnt realize this and snaps the wristband of my keychain trying to get them.
I tell him "those are attached to me" while awkwardly fumbling to get them off. The tension while i struggle with the clip is crushing. Once i get them off he takes the keys and leaves to the car, saying nothing.
I completely froze. Now im sitting at the table whith his family after they just fought, by myself. I don’t move for another 5 minutes at least, trying to bring myself to get up. Finally i get up and thank them for the food and tell them i should probably go. I am holding back tears as i try to save face and leave like normal.
By the time I reach the car i am bawling. My boyfriend looks at me confused and asks me what he did, but i just cry while i start the engine and wait for his mom to move the car from behind us. I get far enough away that they cant see my car when the others leave and park to try and calm down.
"I’m sorry, i dont know what i did to upset you" he tells me. I can hardly even muster a word becausd i am still so in shock. I tell him that i was scared and embarrassed ghat he left me at the table.
"Your embarrassed that i stood up for myself?"
I tell him thats not what i meant but he just says im playing the victim.
So, should i have not cried over that situation?
Your boyfriend the phlebotomist gets a bonus when people donate plasma?
That can’t be legal.
I looked it up, that isn’t legal.
I don’t think it’s illegal.
“Plasma donation centers offer referral bonuses for bringing in new donors, with rewards often around $100 or more, paid out after the referred individual completes a specific number of donations, typically two.” Is it ethical? You decide.
Anyway, good for your boyfriend for taking pride in his job. However, if he is concerned enough about the ethics that he flies off the handle when people make what is pretty much a true statement about plasma donation he probably needs to look at that.
As for you? You’re not asking about the ethics, plasma donation, etc. etc. You are NTA for your reaction. You were put in an awkward spot by the whole situation. Hopefully you and your boyfriend can have a calm conversation about this one the high emotions die down.
This is what i read
“No, phlebotomists typically do not get a bonus when people donate plasma, and company policy often prohibits them from using referral bonuses or employee benefits intended for donors. Some plasma centers have specific rules preventing employees from participating in donor reward programs, and any bonuses are for eligible donors, not staff.
No employee bonuses: Phlebotomists who are employees generally do not get a bonus when someone donates plasma.
Prohibited from using donor incentives: Employees are often not allowed to use referral bonuses (like the “Buddy Bonus”) or other promotional offers intended for donors, according to Indeed’s page on Biolife and BioLife’s referral bonus information.
Donors get the bonuses: Referral and loyalty bonuses are for the donors themselves, not the phlebotomists who work at the center.
Center policies vary: Some centers may have different rules or promotions, so it is best to check with a specific location to understand their policies, notes BioLife Plasma. “
Explain to me why that was a true statement? I am a regular donor and can’t say this has been my experience
Edit: upon further reflection I believe this might be one of those experiences that differs depending on the country you’re from. In Australia we are not paid for donations, it’s just a good and helpful thing to do and so many of us do it because it’s a way to help others. This might be why I couldn’t relate to the statement being true.
Probably legal in a country where you get paid to be a donor and have to pay to get a transfusion. Which coming from a country where both are free is laughable.
That’s interesting, you can get paid to donate plasma in the US, I didn’t know that a phlebotomist would get a bonus from the people who donated their plasma.
NTA, for now. You were caught up by suprise. But YWBTA if you don’t start supporting him now and stop making it about him leavingyou behind. Because you should have stood up with him the moment he wanted to leave, instead of fumbling with keys.
He must have been fed up for a long time. Haven’t you noticed that?
Why didn’t you go as well? NTA but definitely a cry baby.
It’s weird that you’re bawling and centering yourself as the victim in a situation that’s not about you instead of supporting and comforting your bf. Also, why didn’t you simply get up and leave with him when he left instead of sitting there tearing up? soft YTA for making this about you.
It’s weird that he literally yanked the keys off of her body, but it’s not about her???
YTA. He didn’t leave you at the table, you didn’t get up to follow him.
Unless you’re a professional actor, most people cannot conjure tears on command. Neither can they necessarily hold them back. So your reaction was your reaction. You were surprised and embarrassed and unsure. NTA
This is a red flag. Is this the first time boyfriend has reacted with such volatility? Let’s recap: He yelled, took your keys off your person without asking, did not notice the keys were attached to you, left the room and house, sat in your car, and then he said you were playing victim for your unscripted (see above) reaction. Did you KNOW he would not drive off and leave you there?
Sure his family behaved badly. And sure they insulted boyfriend’s job. And? One of my brothers is a lawyer. If he got upset every time someone told a lawyer joke he’d be upset all the time.