This happened a year ago but I(19) still think about it. My mom, stepfather and I were at a bookstore together. We saw a shelf with LGBT fiction and my stepfather said that it’s because people ‘have an agenda’ and ‘try to convert others to their degenerate lifestyle.’ I was never surprised by his stance on our community since he’s from a country where homosexuality is still illegal but it still pissed me off. So I told him how I grew up watching hetero movies like Twilight and they didn’t turn me straight.
He and my mom had a massive argument about how she kept my orientation a secret. I left that night and have been living with my grandma ever since.
Ever since leaving, I’ve only met my mom at the mall and not at her house. Last month, she told me that by coming out I put her in a difficult spot and that her relationship with him hasn’t been the same.
NTA, sounds like you’re much better off at your grandmother’s.
Agree NTA but your mother is. You didn’t put your mother in a difficult position she put herself there by choosing a homophobic Ahole as a partner. That choose is on her I like your orientation that isn’t a “choice” that is who you are.
“she told me that by coming out I put her in a difficult spot and that her relationship with him hasn’t been the same” – nor should it be. His views are ignorant and bigoted. What I really don’t understand is why she wants the relationship with someone so hateful, when she ought to have the biggest ever ick.
You should be free to be your authentic self and did nothing wrong by making a logical argument. NTA
NTA , tell her you are not responsible for idiots who think biology is a conspiracy or agenda . And you are also not responsible for her poor taste in men . 🙄
NTA. Shrinking yourself and hiding the truth about you to family is absurd and destructive, this is your mom’s problem not yours. You were just being you. And good for you for standing up to him. Quietly sweeping discrimination and bigotry under the rug is what is sending the U.S. into a disgusting tailspin. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
You’re so much better off at your grandmother’s and your mom’s relationship with your stepfather is not your problem. Live your truth, and I’m rooting for you to have an awesome life!
NTA. You haven’t done anything, OP. It’s your mother’s job to love and protect you and put you first. In no way are you to blame.
NTA. Good grief, your mom is selfish and utterly failed you as a mother. You are not an accessory in her life. You should be a priority over her new husband.
I am sorry she let you down.
Nta. Screw her. “never had a gay person come knock on the door to ask if I’ve heard about their lord and savior.” for those who whinge
For your mom “you’re abandoning your child and refusing to defend your child. I hope you never forget that.”
Her relationship *with him* is suffering?! This isn’t about her, this is about how her husband treated you, her child. Her job is to stand up for you first and she just wasn’t there for you. I am sorry that this has been going on for a year instead of her having your back.
NTA.
Your mom chose a man over her child. I’ve heard of women who do this – especially in situations of abuse where the mothers turn a blind eye. Alice Munro was the shocking one when it came out after her death. I’m sorry you’re facing this and instead of support from your mother you’re getting blamed. If you do see her again you should let her know how sad and disappointed you are that your own mother does not support you.
NTA. Your mom’s choice in men has put her in a difficult position…***not*** you.
“She told me that by coming out I put her in a difficult spot…”
Well that would be her problem then, wouldn’t it? It’s certainly not yours.
NTA.
NTA
You are never the asshole for being true to yourself when you aren’t harming others.
I’m just sorry your mom thinks a relationship with a homophobe is more important than backing her kid. She owes you an apology, not the other way around.