I (15/16 FTM) have been ignoring my mom (idk like 36? F) for years. well i try at least, last time she texted me she UNSENT THE TEXT MESSAGE AFTER I LEFT HER ON RED (read? red? idk engl isnt my first language so i apologise for mistakes). she is/was very abusive and basiaclly not there for me when growing up and i feel like ever since she got married and had 2 more kids she wants to try fix things with me (my step sister is 6 and step brother is like 3? idk). i never have considered either of them my family at all since i really want no contact with anyone on her side of the family (other than her parents and her siblings). the thing is since i grew up with my grandma she keeps trying to get me to talk to her even tho she knows about the things she did to me. she would even break into the house unannounced just to see me. which would most of the time end up in huge arguments and me being locked in the bathroom for the whole night till she left. i mean i get the whole "you’ll only ever have 1 mother" thing my gam gam puts up but im kinda having doubts about it, AITA for ignoring her? should i try to fix things with her? im kinda scared to do so cuz shes been really horrible and manipulative but idk
(i /srs need opinions on this or advice)
You can choose who you want to spend time with. NTA
my mother is in another country and so is my grandma so i cant really hangout with either of them, its more of should i talk to my mother again or not after the things she has done
What I’m saying is that you can choose to, or not to, interact with whoever you want to.
You’re not wrong for ignoring her. If someone was abusive and made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s normal to want distance from them. Being your mother doesn’t automatically mean you owe her access to your life, especially if she hasn’t taken real responsibility for what happened.
You’re also still really young. It’s okay to focus on protecting your peace instead of trying to fix a relationship that she broke. If she truly wants to rebuild things, that takes time, accountability, and respecting your boundaries. Showing up unannounced or pushing you to talk is the opposite of that.
It’s also understandable that your grandma wants things to be better, but she might be looking at it from a “family should stay together” perspective rather than what you actually went through.
You don’t have to decide anything permanent right now. If someday you feel safe enough to talk to her, that can be your choice. But you’re not a bad person for keeping distance from someone who hurt you. Your safety and mental health matter too.
NTA. I sense a lot of hurt and dysfunction here. Likely you feel abandoned by your mother and are, understandably, angry about that, especially knowing she is now caring for other siblings. Your situation is complicated and above the paygrade of Redditors. Hope someday you can get some counseling to help you sort through all this.