So, my (18F) roommate (18F) are roommates in college. We share a room, but we have two other roommates in the back room that I’m super close friends with. My roommate, let’s call her M, is in a long distance relationship with her girlfriend L. M is ALWAYS on the phone with her girlfriend (even though she is a senior in high school)
M and L fall asleep together on the phone every night which I thought was cute and endearing at first, but is now making my nights a living nightmare. M uses this higher pitched baby voice when talking to L and they talk until anywhere from 10:00 PM – 3 AM. I am MISERABLE! My ears have bruises from sleeping in AirPods for the last 4 months.
All this to say that last night M and L were doing their typical talk (which I have brought up multiple times) and I snapped. I decided that if I couldn’t have a good night sleep, no one could.
Her and I go to “bed” relatively early and I like to wind down around 10-11pm. She has decided that if she can see light from my phone, I must still be awake and okay for her to talk as much as she’d like.
Last night I decided that until she finished her FaceTime call, my extremely bright lamp would stay on, even after I know she is trying to sleep. On 2 occasions I left the room (to take trash out and refill OUR water bottles) I came back to my lamp being turned off – I immediately turned them back on and yelled to my roommates in the back that my bulb must be “going out.”
I then proceeded to clean my side of the room, rearrange my laundry and fill out my calendar as she tried to sleep by covering her eyes with her pillow. After I finished cleaning I decided to open and eat some crackers that I knew were a bit loud, but not crazy, and watch my show on low volume. – nothing too malicious, but mildly irritating – I turned the light down a single level and continued being slightly irritating. She finally asked me point blank if anything was wrong and I told her that I had assumed since her phone was on it was okay to using my space how I wanted, since she does it to me every single night for the last 6 months and told her I know it sucks when you’re trying to relax and something is bothering you. We haven’t spoken since…
Am I the asshole for irritating her when I know she has an 8am class?
NTA. There is no reason to keep your phone on to talk to someone while “trying to fall asleep.” Is there a common area she can go to?
Have you actually addressed this issue before you snapped? Because if you did not, then YTA. If you have and she’s ignored you, then you are NTA.
I mean, she says in the OP that she’s brought it up, but this story is so vague and full of confusing non-details that who can understand any of it?
ESH
Roommate for having conversations until 3am in a shared sleeping space. OP for being passive aggressive instead of having a civil talk about it
OP, apologize for *how* you handled your frustration, and then open up a conversation about establishing official quiet hours in your shared space
She said she has brought up the issue of her room mates behaviour many times and nothing has changed. So this passive aggressive behaviour was her making a point.
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As long as you were direct when you asked her to stop previously and she’s ignoring that the you are NTA. Freshman dorm roommates are a roulette wheel. Sometimes you just have to suck it up for a year and get through. Try to smooth it over and have a respectful conversation about quiet hours. I’ve had roommates that fucked with me in the room so I would’ve taken them just talking on the phone any day.
NTA. You said that you’ve brought the issue up multiple times and she’s still doing it. IMO, it sounds like you’ve driven your point across affectively.
INFO – have you tried to settle this peacefully? Because that really makes a difference as to whether you are the AH or not.
NTA. at one point, talking isn’t enough. you gotta fight fire with fire. and that’s exactly what you did. i’m proud of you OP
ESH
M sucks for being an inconsiderate roommate.
OP sucks for resorting to passive-aggressive crud instead of, ya know, something that might actually *fix* the issue.
Soooo many people in this thread missing the fact that you’ve already to her about this multiple times!
You’re NTA!
ESH honestly. Yes she sucks for being on a call that late and keeping people up. I would be frustrated too! But instead of talking out the problem like an adult and coming to a solution, you intensified and aggravated the situation into an even more hostile one. It may have been satisfying to do in that moment, but at the end of the day you’ll likely be stuck with this girl until at least the end of your semester and you’ve now created a hostile and awkward living situation. Its going to be that much harder now to come to resolve this issue.
NTA because you tried multiple times to talk to her about this. I’m convinced all the YTAs didn’t bother to read throughly.