Context:
I (25F) had a heated exchange over the phone with my (36M) bf. We have been together for almost 3 years. He and his daughter currently live with me in a studio stand alone unit. My mom has a property she rents out and she let me stay in the unit. After some hardships in the first year I let my bf and his daughter move in with me, thankfully there’s no rent just water and power.
My bf doesn’t have a traditional job but he makes money and he’s put some away to buy a house and he invests in the stock market. He recently took us on a week long trip out of the country which was nice. He’s going on a trip outside the country for 2 months for business but also because my mom doesn’t want them to stay in her unit anymore.
I called him when i was leaving university and he started telling about some worries he had. I was reassuring him for the most part but then he says that he’s scared if everything he’s trying to do fails and he’s broke i’d leave him. I also study CS in uni so he says once i graduate if im making a lot of money and he’s not i’m gonna leave.
I basically say i don’t even want to think about that and i believe in him and what not. He takes that as “i would leave him if he’s broke and im making money” and says that it was offensive since he’s “helped me when i was broke”. I didn’t want to laugh but I have never been broke and i always pay my own car note and insurance but he helps with water and power which HE SHOULD as he lives in the house.
He ends up saying it shows the person i am if i can’t love him if he has nothing and true love is measured when someone can love u despite flaws. He also brings up that if he lost a leg i would leave and stuff of the sort.
This whole conversation irritated the HELL out of me. I don’t have kids yet but if i want to start a family i refuse to do so with a man who is “broke” and expects me to make all the money. On the other hand i do agree that you should love someone despite what they have or don’t.
We are going to talk in person soon and i’m confused. AITA?
NTA
Red flags. Sounds like he is asking for permission to doss around.
NTA, he is broke, stressed, and testing the waters. He’s terrified of being kicked out. You (everyone) shouldn’t date anyone who can’t at least financially support themselves at the bare minimum.
You found an older man who doesn’t have his sh\*t together and is a hobosexual. Come on, you’re young, let the grifter go 🙂
Run! Your bf is a freeloader! He’s just checking to assure himself that he’s found a permanent meal ticket. Is your mom supporting his daughter, too!?
22 and 33 is a HUGE age gap to start dating. It probably wasn’t a big deal because he acted like a 22 year old. But you’re growing up, and he’s still a big “child”. It’s ok to end a long relationship when you realize it’s a bad one. NTA
His daughter is 19!!!!
NTA this dude is a bum who is trying to get you to verbally commit to taking care of HIS broke ass. Don’t hitch yourself to losers. A man with pride and determination would be bussing his ass to do well in life, not crying to his gf who is almost 10 years younger that she should support him. Girl run!!!
You’ve been supporting him (gave him and his daughter a place to live) and he’s worried he might have to support you if you leave school? No, he’s worried he’ll have to straighten up and support himself when you realize he’s been taking advantage of you. This is a huge red flag and it would be worth reevaluating the relationship. You’re NTA
NTA
In ten years you will notice that college age people look like children from an older perspective, and you will realize then how utterly creepy this guy is from the get go.
Anyone that that age who is emotionally dependent on the opinions of someone your age has serious issues, and you need to take the opportunity of this trip and this argument to separate yourself from this situation ASAP
You’re 3 people living off your mom in a studio apartment. How much poorer can the guy get? There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who is contributing to the kind of home life you want in the future.
Why is he ok living off of you but it’s not ok for you to want someone who contributes financially?
info: Why is your mom kicking him out?
He’s worried that you will outgrow him and it sounds like you already have.
Lmfao. Your 11 year old boyfriend who mooched off you for a place for him and HIS DAUGHTER to live is suddenly scared that you’re realizing what a bum he is. NTA and girl, sit and really think about this one. Why was a 33yo with a kid interested in a 22yo student? Not bc of your personality.
Why are you supporting a man who’s 10 years older than you are, and has a child to boot?
There’s so much wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start.
Dump him. He’s trying to guilt you into staying. Just make sure you don’t get pregnant.
A man 11 years older than you who is willing to move his young daughter into a *studio apartment* owned by *your mother*, who sat you down to let you know that you don’t really love him if you won’t commit to financially supporting him and his daughter indefinitely?
Good god girl, get *out.*