Tomorrow I’m supposed to drive my two cousins, 23 and 24, to visit family. We’re using my car because one cousin doesn’t have a license and the other’s isn’t registered. I’m the only one insured, so I’m the only legal driver.
I work overnight and get off at 7:30 AM. I told my cousins we needed to leave around 1 PM so I could get a few hours of sleep before driving six hours. They weren’t thrilled and even suggested my cousin drive my car while I slept, even though she isn’t insured. It took me putting my foot down for them to agree.
Then my aunt started messaging me privately. She said, “Hey u guys need to leave sooner than 1 so u have daylight it might snow.” I said, “No. That’s my boundary. I need sleep.” She replied, “Don’t tell me no.” I said, “If not they can leave without me and my car.”
She kept pushing, asking, “Why are you so crabby?” and telling me, “If you go to bed early you don’t have to worry about that honey you don’t have to be crabby at me now stop.” I explained I work overnight and need at least four hours of sleep before driving. Later she sent a long message saying she didn’t mean to make me mad, that I shouldn’t be “snotty,” and that she just wanted to know why we were leaving at 1.
At one point I joked, “I forgot I don’t know how to drive after the sun goes down 😂 oops 😂,” because she kept framing it around daylight instead of my exhaustion.
The weird part is this conversation was originally just with my cousins, and suddenly my aunt is messaging me directly. It feels like they were talking about me behind my back.
No one has acknowledged that I’m trying to be responsible. I’m not refusing to go or being difficult. I just want to be rested and safe before driving six hours. Her constant switching of reasons, guilt-tripping, and framing me as “crabby” feels manipulative.
AITA for standing my ground about leaving at 1 PM?
Edit: A lot of people are pointing out that even with 4 hours of sleep, the drive still isn’t safe. That honestly has me thinking. I want to see my family out of state, but I don’t want to put myself or anyone else in danger just because other people don’t like my schedule. I also feel really hurt that my boundaries weren’t respected and that my aunt inserted herself like this.
Would it be dramatic to just say “never mind, I’m not driving”
UPDATE:
Talking things out helped more than I expected. I decided to be honest with my cousins about how stressed and hurt I felt. I explained that I am the only person insured to drive my car. I also told them that being called crabby, pissy, or snotty for holding a basic safety boundary really bothered me.
My cousin without a license responded kindly and said they were fine leaving whenever I needed. She told me they were not trying to gang up on me and that their mom just says things to say them. She said they love me and just want me to be rested and safe. That honestly helped a lot.
I also shared that I checked with my insurance and confirmed that if anything happened while someone else drove my car, I would still be liable. They understood.
Then my other cousin, the one with a license, said she got her car fixed and registered and that she can drive instead. She said she would love to drive us.
Now I feel a bit guilty, even though I know I was only trying to stay safe. I think I might be overthinking, but the whole situation suddenly feels a little strange again.
Maybe you should as her why she thinks it’s a good idea for her kids to be driven 6 hours by a driver who’s sleep-deprived? I actually think 4 hours of sleep isn’t enough for that drive.
My aunt doesn’t have a car or a license, so she can’t drive them. Which makes it even more frustrating
That has nothing to do with how dangerous it is for you to drive tired. It can be as dangerous as driving drunk.
It IS as dangerous as driving drunk no “maybe” about it.
If I remember correctly Mythbusters did an experiment on driving tired v drunk (s8 e16 Arrow machine gun) and came to the conclusion that driving tired is more dangerous.
Sucks for her and your cousins. But you shouldn’t be driving on 4 hours of sleep.
It’s unsafe and dangerous to drive while sleep deprived. And a six hour drive is plenty of time to drift off.
NTA and time for them to find a bus or a train
This is what I say. OP works full time. When is he/she driving home after that six hour drive to deliver two grown adults to family? Is this a weekend drive after nightshift work?
No unlicensed driver or anyone not on the insurance should EVER drive your car. You could lose everything if they wrecked your car and you can’t afford to replace it OR they injured or killed someone.
The auntie made me mad when she got all involved and kept bothering OP as if her “children” were 10 and 12 and not 23 and 24 years old!
They want to leave at 7 a.m.? Take a bus. Take a flight. Take a train. Auntie can drive them to the bus station, the train station, or the airport.
I’d be done already. The drama alone while working nightshift? No. So done. My phone would be on silent in the other room.
Nothing irritates me more than people who’ve made no effort to get licensed or save for a car but expect the world to play chauffeur and dance to their tune as if car owners have nothing else to do but be at their beck and call.
OP, call their bluff. Say no. Silence your phone and go to sleep.
Yes, this EXACTLY
“If you bring this up one more time, then your kids can catch the bus. Then you can explain to them why.” Nta
NTA.
And you weren’t crabby or snotty, she just didn’t like you enforcing the limits you had set.
NTA
And I wouldnt drive them at all. Driving 6 hours on 4 hours sleep after working overnight is everything but safe and healthy.
So she uses baby names at you like crabby and snotty, and says Don’t tell me no, like she’s scolding a toddler, and yet your cousins are in their 20s with no means of driving!!! I think we know who the babies are in this scenario.
NTA and the MOMENT your aunt texted, “Don’t tell me No”, I saw red. I would have been done. Don’t tell her no because she doesn’t take no for an answer. She’ll manipulate you until she gets her way. That’s fine. Then she can drive them in her car- oh wait!
You are not being crabby or unreasonable. You want to be safe and smart. They are what you call a “Choosy Beggar”, asking for a favor and then being unreasonable or complaining even though they’re getting what they want!!!
IDC that they’re family, they’re being TA. Good on you for standing your ground. I hope you have a VERY safe and well rested trip without any more bs.