My (14M) best friend Kyle (15M) is a sweet guy like yeah he plays a lot of sports but he’s someone that wouldnt hurt a fly. He started dating one of his wrestling teammates Jake (15M) some months ago. Jake is dick though and I have no idea what Kyle sees in him. I’ve seen him yelling at Kyle before and I’ve Kyle sulking all day because of some fucked shit Jake said to him.. Jake will call him constantly trying to find out where he is and what he’s doing and will sometimes just show up wherever Kyle is without anyone telling him.. Kyle has a lot of "accidents".. He’s also been pulling away from me and our other friends. I’ve tried talking to him about it but Kyle just says I don’t really know Jake.
They were hanging out at my house today with a few of our other friends. Everything was fine until Jake kept trying to get Kyle to leave and Kyle clearly didn’t want to. I asked Jake what the big rush was and he just says none of my business. I tell him to chill out it was just a question. He goes off saying maybe he wouldnt be in such a rush if I wasn’t always trying to hit on his boyfriend. I was like wtf I’m straight and he just says yeah sure. I got pissed and I told him to fuck off and get out.. He just smiles at me and leaves and Kyle runs after him… Our other friends said I shouldn’t have said anything and I just pushed Kyle to leave too.
[deleted]
Hi Kyle
Definitely NTA
This a tough one though since you’re kids.
Your best bet is to let them work it out between them and just be there for your friend when it doesn’t work out. You’re better off not getting involved in their issues, they might shift the blame to you and you could end up losing your friend.
\> Kyle has a lot of “accidents”
Sorry, is this guy being violent towards your friend? What do you mean by accidents?
I personally think so he’ll randomly have bruises or be hurt from practices but I haven’t actually witnessed anything.,..
If you think your friend is being physically abused, you need to alert his parents or a teacher or something. But probably talk to him first in private.
NTA.
He was talking shit about you in your house so you were well within your rights to tell him to GTFO.
However I think you reacted how he wanted you too. He’s probably been planting seeds in your BFFs mind that you’re in love with him and are trying to steal him.
By reacting strongly to the mere suggestion he’ll use this as proof you want to steal him and try and isolate him from you more.
YTA.
NTA. You didn’t kick him out over nothing, you reacted to someone who was being controlling and disrespectful. Jake insulted you in your own house. You told him to leave. That’s a reasonable boundary.
What you describe about Jake and Kyle’s relationship are classic red flags for an unhealthy or potentially abusive relationship. Isolation + control + emotional intimidation is not a small thing. The “accidents” thing is particularly worrying. Is he being physically hurt frequently? If so you really need to tell an adult. Kyle’s parents, the school counselor, or someone else. That’s a safety issue and not something to take lightly at all
If that isn’t what it means, then the unfortunate thing is you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to listen or help themselves. You’ve said you’ve talked to Kyle about it before and he dismisses or excuses things. Trying to keep pushing the issue will likely only create more distance and make Kyle cling to Jake more. Let him know you’re there for him if he needs anything or wants to talk about anything but ultimately Kyle has to be the one to take those first steps.
NTA. Also, I would definitely keep an eye on Kyle- you seem to be talking about some tell tale signs of possible violence— I just don’t want to jump to conclusions because you’re kids.
NTA
I’m worried about this though:
Kyle has a lot of “accidents”