Hi. I’m 19M. My first year at college is going on, so it’s not been too long since I left home. I still kinda miss that place, mainly my dad & comfort zone i.e. my room.
We have this extended family WhatsApp group with 16 members. Everyone’s birthday gets acknowledged in the group. Even those of new family members (my 6-7 yr old nephews and nieces) and of oldest members too.
I’ve been in this group since 7+ years, never missed anyone’s birthday/anniversary. But my birthday was forgotten once in the past, the first time anyone’s birthday was ever missed. It was a bit hurtful, but I brushed it off.
Today is my birthday. It’s around 11:00 PM now in my timezone, and no one has said anything on group. It’s feeling very hard as it’s 2nd time happening with me. My parents wished me on call, and my brother sent a private text, so I’m upset from the rest of the members. Just for context, everyone treats me normal when we physically meet.
Now I’m thinking of leaving the group at 11:59 PM tonight, but it will be seen as very rude & dramatic, my parents won’t be happy about it either. I’m not here looking for sympathy or to collect birthday wishes from strangers, I just want proper judgement
leave yourself in the chat to avoid the drama if that’s what’s best but mute it and never respond, don’t wish others happy bday just treat it like a spam email
Your extended family didn’t care enough to remember/acknowledge your birthday (TWICE), they shouldn‘t care about your decision to leave the GC. If it’ll be seen as rude/dramatic, they’ll probably ignore the fact that you were hurt two times now.
NTA
That was a shitty thing for them to do, and you have every right to leave the group. A more effective way to deal with it might be to let everyone know they missed your birthday and how much it disappointed and hurt you.
As for what I would do….. I would post a sarcastic message thanking everyone for remembering your birthday, and how you appreciate their consideration on your special day. But that’s just me, I’m kind of snarky in that way.
In any case, I’m sorry that happened to you. Good luck!
You are not the asshole and you need to post in the group chat happy birthday to me thank you all for forgetting for the second time
NTA
But don’t leave yet. Instead, make it known to the rest of them that they’ve forgotten your birthday, again. If they’re apologetic, give them a final chance and if they mess up again next year, by all means leave. If they decide to blame you and get all funny, just leave. But if you just go now, they’ll only paint themselves as the victims with your sudden leaving being taken as “out of the blue” and “we didn’t know there was a problem!” will be used as an excuse.
Honestly, in those kinds of groups, it’s one person who remembers the birthday and everyone else just piles on. If your parents or brother would have posted in the group, problem solved.
Go back and look at who’s posting birthday wishes FIRST. It’s probably someone close to the birthday person. Mom, Grandma, sibling.
DO NOT let random people, relatives or not, determine your worth.
NTA but not worth the drama.
>Go back and look at who’s posting birthday wishes FIRST. It’s probably someone close to the birthday person. Mom, Grandma, sibling.
This. Was it always your parents doing it for you? If they decided to do it privately , it’s likely no one else would remember.
NTA. I know you’re not looking for this but Happy Birthday! Simply match energy. The adults in the group do not get a happy birthday any more. If they ask, just respond that you thought the group wasn’t doing that any more and leave it at that. Enjoy college.
Question, is your family in the same timezone as you? It’s almost 11pm where my cousin lives, but 8am where I live, so the day is just starting.
As for the group chat, don’t leave without saying why — if the family doesn’t remember it’s your birthday, they aren’t going to connect that with the reason you are leaving the group.
If it was me, I’d simply post that I had a great first birthday away at college, and say that I hope they are all enjoying their weekends and let that be that.
And happy birthday OP, I hope you had a wonderful day.
NTA but the easier way to protect your piece is to mute the chat and match their energy. Stop sending birthday wishes to others and go live your best life. If you leave, it will trigger awkward conversations and (probably because every family has those members) lots of guilt tripping. Not worth engaging.
NTA – how come your parents and brother didn’t wish you a happy birthday, in the family chat?
I bet if you looked closely, it’s probably a parent or siblings that sends the first happy birthday message, that triggers it for everyone else (so nobody really remembers).
NTA – I think if your parents or brother wished you a happy birthday in the group, everyone else would have chimed in. But instead, they called and sent a text, so no one else was triggered to remember.
Send a message to the chat thanking your parents and brother for the bday wishes.
NTA but I would probably stay and write a message tomorrow like: Thank you to everybody who congratulated me by phone or text, you made my day!