A few months back, I (19F) had a depressive episode that culminated in my being placed on a psych hold at the behavioral hospital. It was a pretty lonely experience as you can imagine, and as none of the other patients in my ward were lucid I ended up making friends with a friendly staff member who I’ll call Nick (late 30s M). While I was in the hospital, he borrowed my journal and wrote "beautiful, brilliant, captivating" in it and pointed to me.
A month or so later I was at a show with my partner and Nick saw me, so he picked me up into a hug and spun me around. He borrowed my phone and wrote his full name in my notes app, and told me to find him on social media.
I did find and follow him on Instagram and he started to message me and check in on me. I didn’t respond for a long time, and he became frustrated and started DMing me telling me to message him back after every time I posted. I explained that I only use Instagram on browser and gave him my number. I also told him that I’m now engaged and expecting a baby, which he didn’t acknowledge at all.
When I gave him my number, he started texting me asking to go out and catch up over coffee. He again called me "brilliant, beautiful, and captivating". I started to feel weird about the whole situation so I sent screenshots of the messages to my most trusted advisor, my dad. I was just looking for advice about whether I should go through with the coffee invite, but my dad got very concerned and said he sees a lot of this behavior in his line of work. He told me it looked like textbook grooming and asked for permission to report the situation to the hospital.
Initially I said no because I’m aware Nick would probably lose his job over this, and I don’t feel comfortable doing that to somebody who is married with a young child. But my dad said he shouldn’t be working with vulnerable young women at all if he’s acting this way, and I trust his judgement so I gave him the okay. But now I’m wondering if I’ve made a big mistake. I know Nick could potentially be blacklisted from his line of work for such a giant HIPPA violation. I could even see this causing issues in his marriage. I’m worried about the young child’s best interests and I feel like I might have just plunged a family into financial instability.
Did I do the wrong thing?
NTA at all. What this guy did was absolutely grooming. He took advantage of a young adult in a psychological crisis and decided to flirt with you in that vulnerable moment. Staff members of a behavioral hospital should be looking out for their patients, not courting them. I know it’s hard to think that you could be “ruining someone’s career”, but by reporting this you will actually be helping a lot of patients who are at risk because of his behavior.
At risk in so many ways. This is really dangerous behavior.
That’s fucking gross and creepy NTA
You see it as harmless, and that’s exactly why he’s choosing to prey on a 19 year old, because you’re likely to brush it off because you don’t understand how gross this is.
Dude’s almost old enough to be her father and pulling this garbage!
Why would you think of going to coffee with a man when you’re engaged & pregnant? Why did you give a man your number? Block him & don’t have any more contract with him.
NTA
Nick was inappropriate from the get go, and a severe danger to his patients, including you.
TBH, he was being predatory, and he knows it.
In the best interests of the child, the child and mother need to get away from him, and in the best interests of the rest of the patients under his care, he needs to be blacklisted and fired
NTA and your dad is DEFINITELY NTA. If anything, your dad gets the award for best measured response. I have children your age and it would have taken everything in me not to end Nick (and I don’t mean his career).
NTA your dad was 100% right. Literally none of this is appropriate behavior for a mental health professional.
This is a conflict of interest. You were a patient and extremely vulnerable. He never should have crossed those lines. Believe me, as someone who has been in your position, the last thing you need is a nurse preying on you. Mental illness is an isolating thing by its very nature. The fact he thought it was wise to keep pursuing friendship or more makes him someone with extremely poor judgment at best. At worst, it’s something far more insidious. We don’t need people like this preying on young, inexperienced, lonely, and vulnerable women. Mental illness is hard enough.
NTA
You were in a dark place and he was a momentary ray of positivity. That’s how he drew you in. The badgering that you didn’t keep in touch and ignoring the social cue that you said you’re pregnant and have a fiancé are classic telltale signs of predatory behavior.
People in mental distress are some of the most vulnerable among us in the world. Attempting to manipulate them into a relationship is definitely in the psychopath spectrum.
No, it wasn’t wrong to report this. Think of the next group of young women who came in after you. They might not have your support group and easily fall victim to his charms.
NTA. You’re VERY lucky you have your dad looking out for you because he’s definitely a lot more street smart and has better judgment than you right now. Listen to Dad and in the future, don’t give out your phone number or socials to older men unless you’re actually interested in pursuing a relationship with them because they see it as a green light that you’re interested.
Edit 2: it’s possible that OP wasn’t shitposting while switching accounts, and that someone else replied as if they were OP but I will continue to doubt it
(Edit; as OP has mistakenly replied from their original account where they are apparently already old enough to have a child diagnosed with interoception issues, stop trolling people who want to help others; You’re wasting the time of people who could actually be talking to people who need help and it’s pathetic. I’ll leave the rest of my post up in the off chance anyone actually experiences a situation anything like this)
What if the next person he does this to is 16 and doesn’t know better? 12? He’s already targeting someone almost 20 years younger than him.
‘Captivating’ is not a word you use to describe a friend.
Also, he will barely have consequences from this, he is a man. Nothing has actually happened and most likely he will just get a warning or have to work only with non-vulnerable patients. Honestly, probably nothing will happen to him.
However, if he has already targeted vulnerable people or targets them in the future, he will be more likely to have consequences like not being allowed to work with vulnerable children, or being fired.
Your report won’t likely cost him anything, but it may protect people in the future.
NTA
NTA
Your dad is right
Even ignoring the age gap it is hugely inappropriate for a mental healthcare provider to be crossing lines with a patient like that
NTA
Full Stop. Nick is breaking numerous moral and ethical standards for a health care provider. It started out like positive affirmation and turned to stalking and harassment. Listen to your dad, says dad.