Hi, I (22M) am in a bit of conundrum. For context my family is Indian, conservative Hindus and very strict, they are also overprotective about my brother. I live with them while working a remote job. My brother is 16 and a lot different than .We live in a gated society and my brother has strict rules that he is not supposed to take hi bicycle out of the society on any occasion because the roads here are treacherous.
My brother still leaves the society to go play badminton and other sports with his friends, eat out etc but he never goes too far (10 min walking distance at most) but where we live the roads aren’t nice, no designated bike paths, and no pavements. I didn’t know about him leaving the society till a week ago when he randomly brought it up in conversation. He asked me not to tell our parents and I of course kept the secret, asking him to tell me whenever he does go so that at least one adult in the family knows where he is.
He went once and did tell me. Today he went again, only the second time since I knew about this but didn’t tell me. Not only that but his phone died. My parents are overprotective as I said and went full panic mode. They were calling his friends, their parents and him again and again but nobody had any proper information. They took the car out to find him, I pretended I had no idea where he could be although by this time I had figured it out. Eventually the friend he was with returned home and we found out my brother was on his way home as well. When he returned it had been only 3 hours since he had left but my parents were raging and panicking, thinking he was out hanging with girls, doing god knows what. I was at home and he came back before my parents could, I briefed him on what was happening but he knew he was fucked. Our parents in response decided to take him with them to every security guard in our society and show them his face so they never let him out, they yelled at him, and his friend over the phone. He was sad and embarrassed obviously, shit like this and more happened to me when i was his age too so I know. Sometimes, our parents go overboard and don’t understand why their rules were broken.
My brother was crying and asked me if he could tell them that I did know about him going out with his friends. I flat out said no, telling him that while they’ll let it go with him eventually because he’s a kid, my parents will be pissed off at me for ages because I’m grown up and should have more sense. I’m not scared of their scolding but I know they’ll try and reprimand me like a child and try and check my phone. They’ll stop trusting me about him and I’ll be on the hook too. When he asked why I am not willing to take the brunt, I told him it’s because I have too many secrets that if they find out I’ll be fucked for life.
AITA for forcing my brother to take the brunt of this situation?
Actions have consequences. You throwing yourself under the bus will not make it easier for bro. In fact, it sounds like it will make it worse for both of you. NTA
Bro, you’re a 22-year-old man, and you’re letting your school-aged brother take the piss because you’re too scared of them? Come on, even I’m Indian, and I know what uber strict parents are like, but they humiliated the kid. YTA, and so are your parents, but there’s no changing them.
How the hell is it his responsibility to mitigate that. Little bro put himself in the position to get in trouble with his parents and suffered the consequences of making that mistake with strict parents. Having them mad at both of them helps no one.
It’s not his responsibility to mitigate anything, but his lil bro did tell an adult in the house before going, and in their parents’ eyes, the kid snuck out having told nobody. I hate parents like that honestly,
I get what you mean and I know that as an adult I should just go for it and protect him. But if they know I knew, they’re gonna get angrier because they’ll think I enabled him doing something they consider wrong. I want to protect him but I genuinely can’t let them find out things about my life that I’ve done my best to hide from them. I’ve dealt with this kind of shit from them before and it never goes away. I want to help him get through it without having more eyes on me
I get that, I do but what’re you gonna do now? Your brother also trusted you with something and now it’s gone
NTA. Your bro wants you to help smooth it over with your parents by saying “well I knew about it and it’s probably all good, he’s just being a kid”.
But you said it yourself;
The juice isn’t worth the squeeze in this scenario.
Gotta help bro out another way..
NTA – Sure you knew where he was. But in the end, he broke their rules.
You saying that you knew where he was isn’t going to make life easier for either of you.
NTA. He has been doing this behind all of yalls back and needs to deal with it. He can’t ask that of you. He also may not trust you anymore, though. I get strict parents, but someone needs to know when you’re being rebellious and where cause what if something does happen? Id also give him a battery pack for his phone in hopes of keeping that line of trust.
NAH except your overprotective parents.
I get it, though, the world is dangerous so your parents wants to protect your brother. But they don’t realize how will he survive when he’s an adult, without their protection?
My mom was like that, overprotective. And I rebelled. Really hard. So hard, that in the end my mom let me have my freedom.
Your brother needs to learn how to defend himself. If he wants to rebel and be free, he needs to be able to do it by himself, not under your wing.
If you protect him by covering for him, he’s just going from your parents’ overprotection to your protection. He’s not doing himself any favors by having you covering him.
What you need to do, as an older brother, is giving him guidance. How he needs to be safe when he’s out there. How he can build trust with your parents so that they can let go their grabs bit by bit. You’ve done it before, I’m sure, so you can give him the tricks to deal with your parents.
he’s 16 he knows the rules and took the risk that’s not on you NTA
I mean I’m confused about the “not letting him tell the truth” thing. It would be one thing if he’d told you where he was going. He didn’t though, you just guessed correctly. I do feel very bad for him, but it’s not on you to take responsibility for his decision. He knew it would upset your parents, and I don’t think you claiming that it was fine he left because you knew where he was is going to mitigate that any. They’re just going to be mad at both of you
He considers you an elder and told you. Own it. YTA