\*vague for anonymity
My roommate and I have lived together for 5 years. One day we agreed (I use that term loosely) to get a new pet, 3 goldfish. I did **all** the research on how to take care of them and how to set up their tank, he’d only nod his head when I reiterated all of this to him so he can be informed as well. I helped with cleaning and buying filters/decorations, however that help very quickly turned into me doing all the work. Unfortunately, these three fish got sick and passed away, I felt sad my pets were gone but I also felt guilty for feeling relief from the responsibility of being essentially the sole care taker, however not even a full work shift later he came home with 5 new fish! He said I seemed sad and got more since they’re just fish. These are not just fish, these are animals. I was shocked to know my roommate/friend didn’t feel or even have the same views on how pets/animals work.
Just like the first three, I became the sole care taker. I started my research all over again while he put them in the same water that the first three passed away in (against my suggestion to rewash the tank). Eventually we made a deal that he cleaned the tank and I fed them every day. Well last summer, he went home for three weeks, before he left I asked him to clean at least the filter and he said he would. Of course. He didn’t clean it. When he left I was so fed up with being the sole caretaker for so long that I told him that when he gets back he will take full responsibility for said fish. Now that he’s home, he won’t even acknowledge my existence. Its just us two and it makes the house feel uncomfortable whenever we’re both in the shared areas. I told him that I didn’t give up on him, just the responsibility of the pets and that I’m here when he’s ready to talk to me, but no response.
For added context: the entire time we’ve lived together I’ve kept the entire house clean, swept, mopped, wiped, and smelling good. I’ve asked my roommate to either clean their messes or keep it confined **constantly**. Dirty dishes in the cabinets and sink for weeks, clean dishes on the counter for months, never cleans up any spilled food (i have multiple severe allergies), never once have I seen him sweep or mop.
My response sounds harsh, I understand that, but I didn’t even want these new fish and I didn’t agree to being the only one with responsibility and its not hard to clean the fish tank when its his **only** chore. I know I could’ve cleaned it and moved on but that’s not my issue and I felt like I was vocal about my issue several times before this incident. (i still feed them secretly sometimes just to make sure they’re okay), but AITA for giving my roommate sole responsibility over the fish?
nta but why haven’t you moved out already? i would never live for 5 years with a roommate like that.
this right here. 5 years? no way
How much of not a fuck must he not give about these fish before you accept he doesn’t give a fuck about tehse fish?
> I told him that I didn’t give up on him,
y’all dating?
> I didn’t even want these new fish
next time someone brings something in to your home, says it was purchased for you, remember you can immediately say no and return them.
Your roommate doesn’t care about these fish. You could give them parentage of these fish and they won’t care.
ESH cause these are animals and 2 adults not giving a fuck should try to set them free, to a store something. Don’t let the fish suffer cause you want to make a point about a chore wheel
NTA. If you can move out I suggest that you do, he sounds like an inconsiderate roommate. Leaving food out for months is disgusting. At that point I would throw them in the trash. If fairness doesn’t incentivize him you should have a discussion of him where you tell him that if you’re doing all the chores he should pay you for the extra work you do. Maybe draft a contract
If he’s refused to change after you pestering him to not live in filth for 5 years you should find a new roommate. If this is at a university that should be easy.
>Well last summer, he went home for three weeks, before he left I asked him to clean at least the filter and he said he would. Of course. He didn’t clean it.
Don’t clean the filter. If you do you’re getting rid of the beneficial bacteria necessary to maintain the tank’s cycle and keep your fish alive. You can unclog it or de-gunk it a little, but don’t *clean* it.
NTA. You’re basically the goldfish whisperer here, and he’s the goldfish ignoring-er. It’s like he thinks they’re magical creatures that can clean themselves!
Um, you two sound like you’re in a relationship not just roommates. If you are just roommates you are very enmeshed, time to untangle that. If you do all the cleaning and don’t get a discount on rent in exchange he is a bad roommate and I’m sure you can find a better one. If you don’t want the fish and are the only one taking care of them, take them to a fish store, most of them will at least take them off your hands and adopt them out.
ESH, you’re roommates so compromised and clear communication needs to happen all around. It seems that you agree to the original goldfish as a shared pet and then didn’t communicate that the situation had changed you didn’t want the new ones. Also I’m sorry, it’s just a fish tank, you say “sole caretaker” like it’s a foster child or something lol. These ones will get ammonia poisoning and die like that others ones under your care did. Then tell him you don’t want to share a pet anymore.