I went to Costco to get some grocerie items. My oldest comes across a Pokemon set that catches his eyes. He looks but he doesn’t get it.
We’re done and at the self-checkout line. My son goes to take another look at the Pokemon set then decided he wants the set because he could resell it. He buy it with his own money. Then he wants a second one but doesn’t have enough funds. He asks me if I can purchase it for him then he’ll pay it back once he has money. I gave him some grief (saying it better make a good profit) and paid for the item.
I’m a SAHM, I don’t have any income. My husband is the sole provider and pays for everything even if I’m the one that goes shopping. I shop with a joint credit card that’s under his name and he pays for all of the bills.
After my son had some money I had him Venmo my husband $50 (vs $45 that was borrowed).
My husband sees the Venmo. He’s confused as well as unhappy. He tell my son he needs to ask "him" not me(mom) for purchases because it’s "his" money.
AITA for not seeing an issue with making the purchase for my son since I knew he’d pay back the money?
I use "his" money as if it’s my money. I rarely ask for an approval to purchase anything. This is how it’s been for the past six years.
Oh man, nothing but red flags here.
You’re married, but it’s “all his money”???
He wants to talk to your son about him borrowing money from you?
NTA, but this screams emotionally abusive
I find it incredibly sad that grown women questions if she needs her husband’s permission to spend $50. NTA
NTA but get a part time job and have him look after the kids.. don’t be reliant on him for all your. Money
NTA He is teaching your kids that because he works at a job, that he is to be placed in a higher position than you when it comes to being their parent and decision making.
Sorry but it’s your money too! it doesn’t matter that he is the one working, you work at home to keep things running. NTA – OP I suggest find a way to start making your own money, so you have an income
NTA. But your husband…”his money”??? Wow.
If you aren’t allowed to make small decisions like this (that actually help teach your son about borrowing and repayment) that would be a red flag to me.
His income isn’t just his, it’s yours too.
Now, if all he wants is to be part of the decision making process, fine. For a long time my husband and I would consult each other for purchases over $20 (it was a rough time financially and we needed to keep things tight).
Never once when I was a SAHM did he consider his income solely “his” money. That’s a controlling and disgusting attitude for him to have.
Red flag city. This is financial abuse.
Get a job. Save your money. This man is controlling
Depending on what state you are in, it is likely half yours as well because it is ”marital property “. You ate NTA but your husband is.
NTA. Your husband is though.
Girl if i were you, id start doing cash back anytime you get groceries. $20 here. $20 there. Keep the money separate. Itll add up over time.
It really sounds like your husband is financially abusing you.
Are you ok with your husband behaving as if you’re working for room and board and he’s the master, then teaching that level of respect to your children?
Forgot to add: NTA but your husband is
You should open an account in your own name and have your husband give you a set amount each month so you have your own discretionary money and don’t have to beg any time you want to buy something.
I find it appalling that your husband thinks everything is his money.
Absolutely NTA!
Your husband sounds really controlling. Saying that the money is “his” and declaring he gets to be the sole judge if your kid gets money (that your son already paid his dad back for) is not okay when up until now it sounds like finances were treated like they were shared.
Two questions. Is your son shared with your husband, or is he your son alone? Because if it was the second, it sounds like your husband is treating him differently and changing the goalposts on you because of that. Second, how old is your son? Because if he’s close to a teen or already a teen, I wonder if your husband is using this as some instance to perform dominance over you and your son both.
NTA
>He tell my son he needs to ask “him” not me(mom) for purchases because it’s “his” money.
It’s HIS money?? Excuse me? Oh hell no.
I have no idea what the rest of your home life is like, you make it sound okay, but this is a huge problem.
If he honestly feels that way, that what he makes is HIS money and he just allows you to use it, you may want to consider getting a job instead of being a SAHM so you have some income and a financial safety net of your own.
Edit to add judgment.
NTA, that is financial abuse it’s YOUR money too, it’s jointly owned, your married op if he keeps it up get a job, don’t let him control you…