I have a 13yo daughter (S). My SIL has two boys (8 & 11) who are deep into the Canadian hockey/baseball travel‑tournament lifestyle. She’s a SAHM and went down the Insta/TikTok “family lifestyle influencer” rabbit hole. Over the last year she’s leaned hard into the hockey mom thing by posting hotel reviews, game pics, & travel tips. She wants to turn her page into a full “family brand.”
When her boys were younger, she used to say she wished she had a daughter to do “girlie things” with. I included her in a few things with S, like picking out her first communion dress. Back then she was sweet, supportive, and genuinely the “cool aunt.”
Lately, every family thing has become content. She films everything, stages “candid” moments, narrates like she’s vlogging. At Christmas she tried to dictate the whole day. Gifts, crafts, movies all became scripted. The older cousins hid in the basement to escape being filmed. S later told me she hated being recorded and didn’t want to be on SIL’s pages.
Apparently SIL kept pestering her to braid hair, decorate cookies, etc. for “content.” S didn’t know how to shut it down, so she made herself as un‑influencer‑friendly as possible (eye rolls, nose picking, etc.).
Last weekend we went out for my mum’s 70th. SIL immediately started filming again, making the whole dinner awkward until her partner snapped at her to stop. During dinner, S mentioned she was going dress shopping for her grade 8 grad. SIL lit up and started pushing to come so she could “expand her brand into full‑family content.” I ignored her, but she kept pushing.
In the parking lot she asked again for the time and place. I snapped. I told her MY daughter is not her prop, not her “girl substitute,” and she does not have permission to film or post her. She got defensive and said I was “stifling her creativity” and that she “needs” my daughter because she doesn’t have one. I told her off, loudly and colourfully. S heard, but with two parents who work in construction, she’s heard worse.
Later SIL started a group chat saying I was rude, mean, and embarrassed her, and that “everyone posts everything these days.” She demanded an apology. I refused and reiterated our boundaries. My siblings backed me up and said they also don’t want their kids in her content. SIL hasn’t responded since.
I know I raised my voice, but she has ignored every boundary. My priority was protecting S’ boundaries. Unequivocally, I know I am NTA for that and I will never apologize. However, my SIL just didn’t get it. So, AITA for yelling at SIL in the manner I did?
Also, any pics I have in my history of S are posted with her permission.
My first go at writing this resulted in a 2000 word, 10,000 character count, so many details have been omitted.
ETA: There is no content containing my daughter online. Only her kids and partner.
Not particularly diplomatic, perhaps, but definitely NTA. Both you and your daughter have said no but the “cool aunt” has repeatedly crossed the line.
NTA, you told her no, she didn’t listen, so you had to go ballistic. Sounds like she still didn’t listen. Keep standing up for your daughter.
NTA
She doesn’t get to use your daughter against her will to create contact. Period.
S is not her substitute daughter. Too bad, so sad.
Influencer culture can be so toxic. If the only way you can make interesting content is to force your family to participate against their will, maybe you aren’t much of an influencer after all.
NTA content creation becomes a sickness for desperate losers who have no talent. “Stifling her creativity” lmao, she has none, that’s why she’s making pointless content about her life. Sticking up for your daughter was most definitely justified.
NTA, but also, buy your daughter a couple custom tshirts and hoodies that say ‘I do not consent to being filmed’ and on the line below, have it reversed, so even if the image is mirrored, it is readable.
And some heavily trademarked characters so you can report her content. It won’t hold up under a proper review but it would get videos taken down for a time and make viewer counts lower.
Ive heard of folks loudly blasting disney music on their phones when someone starts filming them without their permission.
NTA, you were justified in your yelling. She was a pushy AH at every turn. She needs to learn that the world is not her stage and she cannot turn people into props or use other people’s lives to further herself.
NTA. Protect your and your daughter’s privacy. Be firm with the boundary. If she keeps trying to record your daughter, be vocal and be firm about leaving. Make it clear why you are leaving. “We are leaving because you keep recording my child without her or my consent and it makes us uncomfortable. I am teaching my daughter that consent matters.” Repeat and follow through.
As for your daughter, this is a good chance to have a conversation with her about consent, internet activities, boundaries, and how to handle uncomfortable situations. Teach your daughter some phrases on how to shut it down and have her practice it.
You’re being a good parent. Keep it up.
As soon as your daughter told you she doesn’t want to be on her page you should have told SIL to take the videos with her in off, S has every right to her own privacy.
NTA for finally telling her off though, just long overdue
Nta
First, your kid is old enough to consent to being filmed and posted on social media.
Second, she is a minor and you’re the adult. You are allowed to protect your kid how you see fit
Third, more than one child has opted out of wanting to be SIL’s prop at family functions. And multiple other adults are backing you up.
Fourth, SIL probably isn’t sharing the revenue from her content with the kids. If she wants to be an influencer, she doesn’t get to demand free labor from the people she wants to film. And she clearly hasn’t gotten signed consent forms from the other parents to show their kids.
NTA She has no right to use any of you for content. You need to speak with your feet and stop attending any places where you know she is because she just wants to use ppl for content. It’s super annoying having someone film every moment because everything becomes fake and staged. Good for you for putting your foot down, you owe no one an apology.
Raising your voice was the mildest thing you could have done. One day someone is going to grab her phone and stick it up her arse. ‘Influencers’ are the fakes of life who do as little as possible to feel relevant when they aren’t.
NOPE. NTA.
Does she understand the metrics of “family” videos? As far as who watches them? It’s way more men than women. Why is that? I think we all know why.
She is violating your daughter’s privacy. She has not gotten consent from you or your child, and she is actually blowing past the word no over and over.
She needs to take a step back or she is gonna get told loudly that what she’s doing is not ok.
It’s ok to yell at someone who is doing something violating to your child.
She needs to stop being so naive with the internet, and if she wants to endanger her own kids, great. But she has no right to endanger yours. Yell at her, shake some sense into her, do whatever you have to do to make her understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Same for your family. They are looking the other way on this behavior.