For context my dad and I have had ongoing conflicts about my education for the last 3 years. When I was in higher secondary he suddenly became extremely involved my academics. He started micromanaging everything. (For seemingly no reason too because
I always excelled when it came to academics and I always managed to balance it with rigorous extra curricular activities too) how I studied, what I read, even insisting I write down every single thing I did. I wasn’t allowed to have my own room or read anything that wasn’t academic. Around this time, we had also moved to a new country because my dad had some health issues, and it was the first time I’d shifted countries in 15 years. I was thrown into a totally new school system, with 9-hour days, and I was being bullied and socially isolated by both peers and teachers. I didn’t know how to cope, and my grades slipped.
When I showed him a B once, he reacted physically , so I started hiding things from him because I was scared and ngl that spiraled quite a bit after that I started hiding the fact that were parent teacher conferences and class test results. I faked being sick for a class test once because I just felt very very irrationally scared.
I’m not mentioning this to dodge all responsibility. I know I wasn’t performing at my best and I could have worked a lot harder because there’s so many people who have it worse than me. I had a roof over my head and basic amenities and resources but I was mentally exhausted the situation at home and school made everything worse. I didn’t get into a top university because the system here is rigid and it’s based on entrance examinations which I didn’t do well in because I didn’t have the energy to prepare for them and my dad refused private colleges or letting me study abroad as originally planned.
Everything culminated into him getting quite aggressive for 6 hours straight one day and decided to just enroll myself into a local university because I really couldn’t bear it anymore (even though it isn’t the major I wanted and the university itself isn’t that good) I felt relieved. Nobody there targets me or micromanages me, and for the first time in years I feel safe and somewhat at peace.
Recently, though, my dad has started saying that my life is being “wasted,” that I’m “lazy,” and “good for nothing.” I wanted to try for another university through an entrance exam. The registration opened, but I didn’t tell him because I knew it would restart the same cycle of control, pressure, and yelling. When he asked, I panicked and lied that the registration hadn’t started yet.
He found out today and has been yelling at me, saying he’s ashamed of me and I’ll always be a liar and a cheat and will fail in life. Now I feel incredibly guilty and don’t know if I’m actually in the wrong for lying. I wasn’t trying to deceive him out of malice.
I just didn’t want to relive the same trauma again.
AITA?
You are not the asshole. And i know this is not easy, but in the long run you might feel better if you go low/no contact with your father. The way he treats you is terrible, and it is ironically causing the very thing he seems to fear. I am sorry you are going through this.
NTA
So many parents don’t realize how much their controlling behavior negatively impacts their children.
NTA. You lied because you were scared of his reaction after years of pressure and aggression, so wanting control over your own education is pretty reasonable.
NTA
It can be incredibly difficult to separate yourself from the abuser and abuse. The fact that you’ve made the first steps is something to be proud of.
Don’t let your father steal your present and future any longer.