So back in 2021 my fiancé passed away very unexpectedly. We had been together for almost 3 years and our relationship was toxic to say the least. When we were good we were great, but when we would fight it was terrible… I did love him though that’s why I stayed, anyways so after he passed his mom who never really liked me no matter how much I kissed her ass would one minute like me and lean on me. Unfortunately then the next she’d send me long messages accusing me of all sorts of stuff and kinda threatening me. This went on for about a year maybe over after his passing. She eventually stopped. One thing she kept accusing me of was dating/already seeing new people BECAUSE my fiancé best friend and me would text about how we missed him and reminisce on old times together! I was 21 at the time of his passing, 2 years after his death I met a very sweet guy I told him I wasn’t ready to date yet and we would just be friends. We became very close and after a couple of months we began dating, it had at that point been almost 3years since his passing. Now I still occasionally see his mom or she calls me, she always makes a point to tell me she couldn’t handle if I started dating again and she prayed I wouldn’t. It’s been almost 5years since his passing and she thinks I’m still single, even my mom who watched what all she put me through told me not to tell her because my mom knows she’ll put me through hell for dating again, no matter how much time has passed! I feel terrible for lying to her…. But honestly I don’t wanna tell her cause she really acts like it would devastate her. I get told by others I’m just protecting her, but I feel like I’m being an asshole for not telling the truth.
YTA to yourself, cause… why not just… block and forget? what do you gain by maintaining contact with this person?
There is no reason for the woman to hold space in your life. You’re choosing to let her have that. Start choosing yourself.
Block her
Seriously! It sounds like we know where he learned to be so toxic. At some point you have to like and respect yourself enough to let her be miserable by herself. And if you’re not talking to her, you’re not lying to her.
YTA. Your relationship with this woman seems to have run its course. She’ll always be his mother but this person, however beloved to you, doesn’t need to be the sole love interest of your life. You should get therapy to help you manage what will be complex feelings and also decide whether you want this woman in your life or not. Good luck.
>she always makes a point to tell me she couldn’t handle if I started dating again
What you do is none of her business. She wants you to adopt a Queen Victoria attitude and live your life in a state of perpetual mourning. She can do that herself if she wishes but it’s completely unreasonable for her to expect it of you.
Hopefully all the YTA judgements will give you the boot up the backside you need to stop being a pleaser to somebody who never liked you or wished you well in the first place.
NTA, I would say to block her expeditiously.
NTA.
The mother of the deceased bf is a grown woman. You were barely that when he died.
I would suggest you send a message saying you wish her well but it’s now time for you to move on with your life and you won’t be in contact again.
Then block her.
What you do is not her business and keeping her attached to you is going to stop you moving past this relationship properly.
It’s really none of her business who you choose to date I wouldn’t tell her anything
Expecting you to mourn your ex for the rest of your life just to please her is beyond controlling and you are buying into it.
You are not tied into this woman any more. If you being happy devastates her, that speaks volumes about her. Besides its no longer her business. Let go of her expectations.
Go live your life and be happy.
Whenever I read these types of posts, I wonder if you live in a very small town or a rural area where everyone knows each other’s business.
Tell your former fiancé’s mom the truth: it’s been four years, that you are dating, that you are moving on, and hope that she understands. Then let it go. Block her if you have to.
YTA for not telling the truth.
NTA
You need to go NC with this woman. She’s toxic and clearly unstable. Block her number, change your number, and move on with your life.
No judgment just quit having any contact with this woman. You said yourself she never liked you so who cares what she thinks at this point, you no longer have any ties to her. IMO I’d think she was just bothering you about staying single to make your life worse. Just block her and move on. If you live in a small town and you see her just cross the road or walk past her. She has no claim over your life
NTA
It’s not lying to deprive someone of knowledge that is none of their business. But block her and stop talking to her. She sounds toxic and weirdly obsessed with your celibacy. This isn’t the 15th century and she’s not the head of the local convent, you need a life, block her, move on.