My family has 7 members: Grandma, parents and we 4 siblings. I’m the 2nd child. We’re a lower income family if compared to our social circle, school, friends etc. Like we can’t spend even a penny as leisure expenses All siblings share everything irrespective of age and gender.
To make things worse, our house has only 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. But my parents think everything is fine and we should be ‘happy’. Very rarely people have 2+ kids here, and most of them who have are well-off too, unlike us.
As expected, our life has always been heII. Compromises, sacrifices, less things than needed for everyone, no privacy or personal space, I grew up playing with trash like empty cans as toys in childhood. Currently I’m 16M btw.
My mom makes fixed amount of food which is less than required. Idk why but my stomach is a lot more hungry than before nowadays. Maybe because of height increasing. Mom judges as if I’m being selfish when I ask her to prepare more food.
They spend nothing on my elder sister’s (20F) college and she’s struggling 24×7. She’s literally dating old men for money and mind you, she’s not that type of girl. She’s doing it as last resort and uses the money for education and survival. Nobody employees a 20 year old here unless it’s a high risk, but criminally low paying job. I feel having many kids was a way to cope for my parents as they’re underachievers in life.
Things got way harder for me when my sister left the house, as I became the eldest sibling of the house. Being totally fed up now, I’ve gone total mad and rebel. I won’t help them in anything. I will eat more food even though it comes from my parents’ plates. Grandma is old and needs care but I’ve stopped helping her at all even if it would mean she misses her meds. I don’t think they’re my duties and they drain away a big part of my time. Although I still take care of my siblings and guide them whenever I’m available. But I’ve reduced the timings as per my will. I believe they’re just poor animals of this circus.
All this is having more impact than I expected. My dad, who just watches TV all day besides his job tries to convince me but I always make sure which my piercing words that they always stay regretful to the core. I’m very ambitious (often tops in studies) but I find no away to achieve that. AITA
Edit: English is not my first language so please ignore if I unintentionally made some unusual formation of sentences
Edit 2: Alright guys now I feel I’m asshole. Guess it’s time to go back to the previous, non-evil version of me
ESH. Everyone is suffering, and yes, it’s chiefly your parents’ fault.
And you’re actively, intentionally, making it worse.
a 16 year old is being underfed and neglected and you’re saying he’s an asshole for lashing out a little?
NTA
Your siblings are not your responsibility. Your grandmother is not your responsibility.
You are expected to do well in school, keep your personal belongings clean and tidy, and manage your personal schedule pretty independently at this age.
Nothing else is your responsibility.
ESH. You are right to be resentful, your parents suck at family planning considering their economic circumstances.
However, actively making life difficult for everyone else, also makes you a bad person. Not reminding your grandma about meds is as if you are actively hoping she dies. Eating more than your share leaves everyone else hungry. Not helping AT ALL means you want to free ride. You can certainly decrease how much you contribute if you can argue that you were being exploited, but you seem to have gone the other extreme.
Being taken care of by your parents while you’re a minor isn’t a “free ride”. Yes, they should help with some of the chores, but raising your siblings is not a chore – it’s parentification.
I think you’re going to get a ton of advice from the Western/American point of view and I don’t think that’s going to help. I don’t have a judgment because I don’t know the typical real estate situation of where you are, what the financial aid situation looks like, and what expectations of elder care/multigenerational households are.
ESH. You can’t control the family you were born into. You can only control yourself. Constantly thinking terribly of everyone, including yourself as we see by your thoughts here, will only make you a depressed mess.
Signed,
The third sibling in a family much like yours from 20 years ago. I’m now 30 and don’t talk to anyone but the 4th youngest and my dad.
Ps I hope you learn faster than I did that you can only control yourself and only you can make your mindset better which will make life better. 💗
You can’t spend a few minutes getting Grandma her meds? YTA.
One of OP’s parents is Grandma’s child. They can’t spend a few minutes instead of watching TV????
NAH. You’re 16 in a crowded house with very little money, food, or privacy. Anyone in that situation would feel angry and frustrated. Wanting more and feeling stuck is understandable.
But taking it out on your grandma or trying to hurt your parents with words will not improve anything. The best thing you can do is focus on your studies and use that as your way out.
ESH, hear me out. 16, increasing hunger, teenage angst. I get it. You didn’t ask to be born, I get it. I sure as hell didn’t ask either.
But mate, lack of compassion for your gran who is seemingly an innocent bystander is uncool. Go ahead and correct me if I’m wrong. Purposefully spiting a sick person as a form of rebellion doesn’t add up here.
this is a literal child venting and asking for guidance and comfort I think the comments need to take a step back
Absolutely!! This is a 16 year old who grew up playing with cans. Meaning this isn’t a new situations they are in. This kid is hungry and angry. My heart breaks for them. The comments are awful.
I’m kinda of shocked at the responses this post is getting 💀 I thought they’d be glazing OP not crucifying him. His parents are the villains.